VEGANS: Modern Day Witches

Duskyblue · Post by **Duskyblue** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 4:54 am

lol... so I guess my sister is a witch

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 1:56 pm

Originally posted by Duskyblue
lol... so I guess my sister is a witch

I suspect it depends on your definition of a witch.

If you mean somebody who eats carrots and beets, than they're just a vegan cultist who must be deprogrammed.

Azmodan · Post by **Azmodan** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 4:07 pm

LMAO, so now im a cult member ...... why not

and who said that Jahiera was wiccan??..... in MY cult you are allowed Smitars *lol*

(ok, im too tierd to post)

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 5:55 pm

Originally posted by Azmodan
LMAO, so now im a cult member ...... why not

and who said that Jahiera was wiccan??..... in MY cult you are allowed Smitars *lol*

(ok, im too tierd to post)

In realworld terms, Jaheira would probably fit in somewhere in the pagan movement. The only reason I suggested Wicca/witchcraft is that most Craft groups (like those I've belonged to) worship a dual-aspect, male and female dieties, implying balance.

Athames are traditional. Though I hate to tell you the number of ridiculous Wiccan pickup lines I've heard joked about, such as the ageless wheeze, "Is that an athame in your scabbard, or are you glad to see me?"

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 6:30 pm

For those interested in such things, here's a humorous collection of pagan pick-up lines, from pagans, themselves:

10. Hey babe, what's your sign? What's it's ascendant? What is your planet alignment in Venus during Cancer's revolving around the Fourth House?

9. Read any good Llewellyn Books lately?

8. Would you like to come over to my place and widdershens?

7. Haven't I seen you someplace before in another life?

6. Yes, I'm handfasted, but that's not "technically" marriage.

5. So, do you draw down the moon here often?

4. What's a nymph Goddess like you doing in a place like this?

3. You have the prettiest third eye I've ever seen.

2. You're feet must be tired because you've been Spiral Dancing in my mind "all" night long.

1. Is that a May Pole in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Finally, what Wicca might be like if it were recreated by Bill Gates:

10. The book would be called Windows to the Goddess.

2. Iconology was be a major chapter.

3. A revised edition would be released approximately every 6 months without which your magic would no longer work.

4. Your broom would crash at least once a week.

5. Cauldrons would be called recycle bins.

6. A book of shadows would be called the folder of magic.

7. A free high speed connection spell would come with every book.

8. Ever now and then, your circle would collapse and you would have to perform the reboot ritual to get it working.

9. If you used the more powerful MagicNT rituals, the above would happen to all circles within a 5 mile radius.

10. At least once a month, you would have to reinstall your spells into your folder of magic.

11. You would have to use a start ritual to exit your circle. (And cake and wine would only be available after a sign from the Goddess saying it was safe to do so.)

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 7:45 pm

*Yes, I'm handfasted, but that's not "technically" marriage.
*You have the prettiest third eye I've ever seen.
*Cauldrons would be called recycle bins.

LMAO! Those are my favourites!

Do lines like this actually provide any positive replies or, as is the case with pick up lines generally, do they result in a swift kick in the nether regions?

What's a nymph Goddess like you doing in a place like this?

lol! reminds me of something I like to do to innocent-looking Jehova Witness lads...

I sometimes stroll up to those hanging about intersections and say, "What's a nice boy like you doing on a street corner like this?"

Yes... I know.... not very nice of me at all... what can I say.. I have an evil streak to me

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 9:07 pm

Originally posted by dragon wench
LMAO! Those are my favourites! Do lines like this actually provide any positive replies or, as is the case with pick up lines generally, do they result in a swift kick in the nether regions?

I've yet to encounter any pagans who would admit to using anything quite as tacky. I'm inclined to think they're not frequent heard, either; Wiccan circles typically don't resemble Vegas lounges.

lol! reminds me of something I like to do to innocent-looking Jehova Witness lads...
I sometimes stroll up to those hanging about intersections and say, "What's a nice boy like you doing on a street corner like this?"

Choice.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 9:54 pm

Originally posted by fable
I've yet to encounter any pagans who would admit to using anything quite as tacky. I'm inclined to think they're not frequent heard, either; Wiccan circles typically don't resemble Vegas lounges.

lol! I had thought as much. I have a close friend who is Wiccan (as well as being a vegetarian

), and based on what she had told me my impressions of Wiccans were actually quite the opposite.

Though, as we all know, there are always variations in any culture or social group so I wasn't entirely sure

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 9:59 pm

Originally posted by dragon wench
lol! I had thought as much. I have a close friend who is Wiccan (as well as being a vegetarian ), and based on what she had told me my impressions of Wiccans were actually quite the opposite.

Exactly. As a Wiccan, I can tell you that we're not sleazy types interested in the hypocrisy of pickup lines. If we're interested in other pagans physically, we let 'em know, with rather more willpower and direct acknowledgement. 'Course, I haven't done that for roughly fifteen years. I know when I've got a good thing on my hands. And in my heart.

Though, as we all know, there are always variations in any culture or social group so I wasn't entirely sure [/QUOTE]

Nah. There's no Wiccan Church of the Polyesther Elvis. Trust me on this.

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 9:59 pm

Originally posted by fable
Wiccan circles typically don't resemble Vegas lounges.

Damn! That's the kind of Wiccan circle I wanted to join....The
Velvet Elvis Circle

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 10:17 pm

Originally posted by VoodooDali
Damn! That's the kind of Wiccan circle I wanted to join....The
Velvet Elvis Circle

Well, if it doesn't exist in Vegas, try LA. If it's not there, you can always create your own.

Just don't be surprised if the earth suddenly rises up in the middle of a ritual someday and swallow your group whole. The Goddess and the God may not manifest often, but they *do* have taste.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 10:26 pm

LMAO @fable!

I wondered why I sensed a pyschic vortex of disapproval surrounding Graceland, and National Enquirers on the magazine rack. They do indeed have taste.

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Sat Feb 22, 2003 10:32 pm

Originally posted by Chanak
LMAO @fable!

I wondered why I sensed a pyschic vortex of disapproval surrounding Graceland, and National Enquirers on the magazine rack. They do indeed have taste.

Hey I really communed with the spirit of Elvis when I went there! I have a photo of myself next to the graves of him, his mother, and other relatives. The graves were conveniently located by the swimming pool.

Duskyblue · Post by **Duskyblue** » Sun Feb 23, 2003 5:34 am

Originally posted by fable
I suspect it depends on your definition of a witch.

If you mean somebody who eats carrots and beets, than they're just a vegan cultist who must be deprogrammed.

*laughs* Deprogramming her is almost impossible. And besides I think it's a good thing

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun Feb 23, 2003 1:09 pm

Originally posted by Duskyblue
*laughs* Deprogramming her is almost impossible. And besides I think it's a good thing

That means you're subcumbing to the same mental bombardment. Consider the following:

Do you find yourself referring to women in skimpy clothing as "carrotcake" rather than "cheesecake?"

Do you pile asparagus in the middle of your living room, and count the stalks repeatedly until it's time for sleep?

Do you dream of being sexually assaulted by multiple beets?

Will you eat a carrot?

If so, you, too, are probably falling under the pernicious influence of VEGAN SUBLIMINAL THOUGHT CONTROL. It's at this stage, when you can still think on your own, that you need to address the problem. Further exposure to vegetarianism will lead to your complete loss of willpower. You will probably sign over your life's savings to a hydroponics farm, and start shooting up ketchup.

Stop yourself before it is too late! Do the following, right now:

Go out into a field, and mug a cow.

Throw yourself into a vat of cheese, and do the backstroke.

Eat three Wendy's hamburgers.

Buy a side of bacon, cook it, then worship it.

If worse comes to worse, you can always go for the final cure: a steak through the heart. But hopefully it won't come to that.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sun Feb 23, 2003 4:52 pm

ROTFLMAO!

Shooting up ketchup...damn, that was inspired.

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Sun Feb 23, 2003 5:13 pm

Originally posted by fable
Well, if it doesn't exist in Vegas, try LA. If it's not there, you can always create your own.

Just don't be surprised if the earth suddenly rises up in the middle of a ritual someday and swallow your group whole. The Goddess and the God may not manifest often, but they *do* have taste.

I don't think they're connected to any Wiccan circles, but if you go to Las Vegas and ask the right people, they'll lead you to a secret order of monks who practise the legendary art of King-Fu. Last I heard, they were operating out of the basement at Binion's Horseshoe Hotel and Casino, although you might also find them hiding out in the ghetto. They are characterised by their sideburns, sequined jumpsuits and blue suede shoes. If you encounter the monks, be sure to treat them nice, because they get all shook up pretty easily and you might get stung and end up wearing a ring (or worse) around your neck.

Duskyblue · Post by **Duskyblue** » Mon Feb 24, 2003 7:32 am

lol!

Fable, you are scaring me

fable · Post by **fable** » Mon Feb 24, 2003 7:58 am

Originally posted by Duskyblue
Fable, you are scaring me

Sniff. About time, too. I thought he'd never get it.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Mon Feb 24, 2003 10:30 am

Originally posted by fable
Sniff. About time, too. I thought he'd never get it.

Whatever happened to the kinder and gentler image?

ROFL Re: the mental bombardment!