I am no longer afraid of the dark...

RandomThug · Post by **RandomThug** » Wed Jul 23, 2003 7:46 pm

I am no longer afraid of the dark. All the way to the age of 21 (as of a few days ago I changed) I would find myself hurrying from the bathroom at night to my room. My vivid imagination went from the monsters of my youth to the realistic horrors of my adulthood.

I have been pained and striken down once to many times, no I do not beg for pity or even desire to explain. My pain is no stronger than others, nor more important to you. It is my own life, my own family and my own decisions. It is just the oddest things....

I sit here with a bottle of whiskey and drink for no other reason than to silence whatever in me makes me want to punch the wall till it bleeds. And I realized the other night as I slept over at my parents that the night did not effect me, I walked from room to room from the fridge to the vikadin to the wine to the bed... without turning on a single light. At first I thought it was my desire to not see anything... but now I have come to the realization that hte night no longer holds its fear to me, I have seen things and felt things that can sting deeper and harder and leave you with nothing but pain.

It feels as if I was at war, no solution only pain and all I can do is wait till it ends.

Well my war is not over, as I can tell with this whiskey, it is just odd how childhood fears loose thier grip when reality brings you to new levels of fear and pain.

Love your family.

TiberSeptim89 · Post by **TiberSeptim89** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 6:32 am

Well, everyone has their own fear, though I hope you're telling the truth and this is not spam.

ObsidianReturns · Post by **ObsidianReturns** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 7:44 pm

For me, the best cure for fear in the dark is an assualt rifle, and 11 other guys your trust your life with similarly armed.

Trust in friends and family can see you through any danger.

That one point is true, whether or not Our texan friend is spaming or not.

Scayde · Post by **Scayde** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 7:56 pm

Guys, Thug doesnt spam about things like this, and he is from California.

@Thug........*HUG* It's cool you have cleared that hurdle.

The dark is an awesome time, it is quiet, and surreal, and you can be alone with your thoughts. Now that you are no longer uncomfortable with it, I hope you can next begin to enjoy it

Oh, and it's your turn to PM

TiberSeptim89 · Post by **TiberSeptim89** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 8:44 pm

Sorry, then. Well, I'm glad you've overcomed it. I used to have a fear of time. I can't sleep if the time is past 11, but I can now.

Tamerlane · Post by **Tamerlane** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 1:23 am

Originally posted by Scayde
The dark is an awesome time, it is quiet, and surreal, and you can be alone with your thoughts. Now that you are no longer uncomfortable with it, I hope you can next begin to enjoy it

I agree, it can be surreal. Some of my favourite moments have been in isolated spots away from those annoying city lights and just letting the perpetual darkness surround ones self. Nothing but you and stars, and possibly the odd possum

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 7:11 am

Random thug, one of my fears was Dark. But I realised it was all in my head, and I just ignored it after that.

Happy to see your over the fear!

RandomThug · Post by **RandomThug** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 10:58 am

Perhaps the intention of this post has been lost... I wish to this day that I still feared the dark, with a passion.

For its the pain that has now become an even worse fear that blots out the other more trivial child state fears.

@Scayde... its taking a while to figure out how to put it to words....

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 12:40 pm

If you say u miss the feeling of being scared, then I can somewhat imagine ure loss.

In my childhood Ive been scared about several things too, the dark is one of them. That time, the feeling was "exciting", but the scary feeling didnt do me any good to be honoust.

In time however, the fears become less and less, untill there is no fear left for the old things.

So when I now fear something, it actually feels like excitment and I cherish it.......the "bad" feeling left and has in time been replaced by a "good" feeling.

I probably dont passionate the fear of dark like you, but I can somewhat relate to what you feel.
I hope you understand my post, because, like you said, it is hard to express it in words.....

RandomThug · Post by **RandomThug** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 1:14 pm

Thank you all for the responses.... and yes Scaydes right I often use this forum to express my true feelings, and a lot of times Im just full of it... but this is real.

Basically I have become hardend. I guess this is the feeling someone gets when thier parents die or something, or their wife leaves them or something... Im just so bitter and upset at certain things... so worried and scared of possible outcomes of stuff I never thought about before in my life that everything else does not matter.

I am not botherd at work, I do not worry about my ex and if i made the right decision. All I can think about is going surfing this weekend.

Scayde · Post by **Scayde** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 4:15 pm

Originally posted by RandomThug
All I can think about is going surfing this weekend.

Sounds reasonable....

IHateUsernames · Post by **IHateUsernames** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 5:33 am

Originally posted by RandomThug
All I can think about is going surfing this weekend.

It's good to have a hobby. Personally i windsurf or sail optimist. not enough waves and way to much wind in Denmark. but we do have one good surfing place, Klitmøller, and we have the danish championship in surfing in about a month there

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 4:59 pm

There are two kinds of darkness...and I know what you're talking about Thug. I fight against it all the time.

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Sat Aug 02, 2003 2:54 pm

Originally posted by Chanak
There are two kinds of darkness...and I know what you're talking about Thug. I fight against it all the time.

Oh, so you aren't an evil Jedi.....