"Aye. Perhaps the burning stake would be appropriate? "
Priest: Look ye here on this foul drow! What shall we do with her?
Mob: Burn her! Burn the witch!
Sir. Bombast: Look here, my good people, what proof do you have that she is a witch?
Peasant: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir. Bombast: A NEWT???!!!
Peasant: Well, I got better.
Sir. Bombast: I'm afraid I must have more evidence before I can permit this burning. Now they didn't cover this in Knightly Deeds class, so how is a witch tried? Dear, dear me. What did Sir. Keldorn say?
Priest: Well, sir knight, its very simple. Now a witch burns at the stake right? What does that tell you? What else burns?
Sir. Bombast: Well, lets see. Urm, naughty men's underwear burns. So does leather clothing and silk blindfolds. Little leather whips and riding crops burn. Oh I know! Wood burns!
Priest: Exactly!!! So this means that....
Sir. Bombast: A witch is made of wood!!! Am I right???
Priest: Yes, Sir Bombast. You have it exactly. Now what happens if you throw wood into the lake?
Sir. Bombast: Urm, it floats! So a witch must also float! To the lake, to toss in our witch!
Priest: Yes, yes, but I have a test which will save time. Now then, what also floats?
Sir. Bombast: Urm, white lacey naughty men's underwear floats, and some of the leather clothing floats, but not the nice shiny black leather whips with satin thongs, or the Ostrich leather riding crop. The silk blindfolds might float, but that is all the things I can think of that float...
Charname: A duck. (Behind her the party, except Minsc have all fallen down on the ground, unable to get up because they were giggling so hard. Charname had an impassive face, except for a suspicious twitch in her left lip.)
Priest: Correct, most beautiful maiden. Now then this means...
Sir. Bombast: If the drow weighs the same as a duck, it is a witch!!!
Priest: Precisely!!! Now here is a duck, and quite conviently we are next to some large scales. (Athlanka is the city of coin, after all.) Let us put the drow in one arm, and this duck in the other. If they weigh the same, the drow must be a witch!!! Bring out the witch!!!
To Jaheira's and Charname's surprise, the drow they bring out was Viconia.
Viconia: Shar! Save your servant from the idiotcy and congenital defectives of the surfacers!!! Let not your servant die in such an infernally STUPID fashion! Wait! I know you!!!
"or a 12 hour teletubby omnibus"
actually in my next episode of my serial, in the attic, we find out that the teletubbies and barney are a hideous and evil and diabolical plot concocted by mindflayers in an effort to take over amn...(it just makes so much sense...)
They call me Darth...
Darth Gizka!
Muwahahahahhahahha!!!
