Aaarrrggghhh, PLZ i need your help!!

KoreeGahn · Post by **KoreeGahn** » Fri Apr 16, 2004 6:01 am

What should I do, What should I do...

So here's the story:

My best friend Rasmus and I were in town some months ago and then my friend hooked up with a nice girl. Then they began seeing each other more and more and now they "going steady"(don't know the exact english word for it), but here's the problem. They have been together for 2 months now, and yes she's pregnant, 4 weeks, and they want to keep the baby, imagine my shock to her that. The problem is that she is 17 and he's 19, he is still getting his education and so is she, I've been trying to talk him out of it, but he won't listen, he REALLY wants to have a bay with her. I keep telling him that it's totally stupid to get a child now, but he doesn't seem to listen to me at all!!...

Have any of you tried something like this before or know of a way I can talk him out of it, please if anybody can help, please do it...

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Fri Apr 16, 2004 7:10 am

Don't really see the problem.

If they both want the child, who are you to say they shouldn't?

In this day and age, it isn't *that* difficult in raising a child eventhough the parents are young.

They could get help from the parents/grandparents, both financial help, emotional help and help with raising/taking care of the child.

What are the reasons for *you* not wanting *them* to have a child together.
The fact that they haven't been together for that long, might speak against them, but such people are just as likely to stick together as many other. Besides - even people that have been together for ages are likely to split these days.

One of my close friends have been together with his highschool girlfriend, and we are now 11 year out of highschool. Who's to say that these two people wont stay together for the rest of their time - especially if they have the child.

KoreeGahn · Post by **KoreeGahn** » Fri Apr 16, 2004 7:45 am

I do see your point, but still they are only 17 and 19 years old,
and they are still getting their education, having a child now will "ruin" that... I'm not against the idea of them having a child together, but I think they should wait a couple of years, and if they still feel the same about having a child then they can have their child. I mean, having a child is not something you can "undo" it's a choice that will affect you for the rest of your life... Look at it like this, 1 year from now they split up, what's gonna happen to the child??

Zelgadis · Post by **Zelgadis** » Fri Apr 16, 2004 7:51 am

I think the only thing you can do is tell them you think its a bad idea, and leave the rest up to them. Statistically speaking, it will probably have a negative affect on their lives, but if they think they are ready and able, they have the right to try. Who knows, they may be able to make it work.

Luis Antonio · Post by **Luis Antonio** » Fri Apr 16, 2004 8:11 am

Man, dont try to convince him otherwise. I've lost the chance to have a child on other circumstances with the girl I loved - and that has destroyed me from the inside. No big deal, i fell depressed and tryed suicide, hmm... 8 - 9 months ago.

Now I'm fully recovered. The girl, I dont miss her. But the kid - That is my pain, that is my burning cross.

He has made a choice - that is his, hers. They are alone. They are gonna have trouble. But that is why life is so intense, such a good experience - choice. They have chosen that.

Now, if you want to help him, convince him to expose the pregnancy fact to the families, and give her all the support she needs. DONT let him abandon school to work his way on life, and DONT let her do the same. And be his support. Friend will be friends, when you are in need of love and you care of attention, says the music (i think).

Well, I wish them luck. I'd make it all again, I'm sure. Destiny is interesting.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Fri Apr 16, 2004 8:21 am

I very well understand you are troubled, KoreeGahn, but I think there is nothing you can do except give your friend the support he is most likely going to need. As a friend, we must let our friends make their own decisions, and as long as it is not extremely self destructive acts such as heavy drug abuse or being in abusive relationships etc, we cannot break their integrity and force them to choose other wise.

It could well be a fatal mistake to get a child at age 17 and 19 after being together for only 2 months - but it might turn out well too. Is your friend living in Denmark like yourself? If so, he will - due to the education system in the Scandinavian countries - be able to study later on, perhaps in a few years. There are evening courses that will give you admittance to university, and edcuation and career-wise, he and the girl only needs to "loose" a few years.

If this was my friend, I would tell him I thought it was an incredibly stupid idea to get a baby with somebody I've known for only 2 months - that IMO is a larger problem than their age. I would have a clarifying and rational discussion with my friend and present my arguments - if he doesn't change his mind, I would simply have to accept this.

Maja_Luz · Post by **Maja_Luz** » Fri Apr 16, 2004 8:38 am

KoreeGahn, how old are you?

You're telling something about they wait for more two years for having a baby. I tell you what, our parents teach us several things that we really don't hear at all. After so many years punking my head in walls because my realationships never have gone right, I realize that nothing really happens without a little God's hands, and we can't control everything. I came from Brazil 3 years ago to improve my english, found I guy, got pregnant, and really was still thinking to go back and not face the new situation. Lots of crying, missing Mom/Dad, but I decided to stay. After a real bad time of financial problems, we're fine now, I have a wonderful husdanb and I beautiful daughter, that one day I thought about not having her.

Life is always a surprise? Just make the surprises being the most beautiful in your life. Having a child is the most beautiful gift from God we can have. So, let your friend enjoy this and enjoy with him. You really will understand when you get your own.

Be nice and good luck.

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Fri Apr 16, 2004 9:14 am

Originally posted by KoreeGahn
I do see your point, but still they are only 17 and 19 years old,
and they are still getting their education, having a child now will "ruin" that... I'm not against the idea of them having a child together, but I think they should wait a couple of years, and if they still feel the same about having a child then they can have their child. I mean, having a child is not something you can "undo" it's a choice that will affect you for the rest of your life... Look at it like this, 1 year from now they split up, what's gonna happen to the child??

Knowing the danish educationally system - their educational tracks aren't ruined.

As others have said - express your concern, but don't try to make them change their minds. They will need all their friends in such times.

Besides - they might change their mind yet.

And btw - many people split up, after short time or long, so that is no guarentee at all. Divorce rates are high.

They can wait and be together for a long time, and regret never having this child also.

KoreeGahn · Post by **KoreeGahn** » Mon Apr 19, 2004 2:53 am

Thanks to all of you....

For the weekend we've been at holiday together, Rasmus, Me and his girlfriend Lise, and I had most of the answers all of you gave. They convinced me, like all of you did, and I've never been more glad to be wrong!!!

Now they are gonna have the baby, and with my full support...

Again thx to all of you it really helped a lot