help me plz? no judging

Bloodthroe · Post by **Bloodthroe** » Thu Aug 26, 2004 11:07 pm

[QUOTE=Yshania]@Bloodthroe, asking for help is not necessarily complaining.

I don't know Dashgore from the next person, and I was also one of those offended by his comments on retarded people, so have no personal reason to defend him. That said, I think it is unfair to accuse him of whining, or being insincere about his perceived problems just because he asked a stranger's opinion. It is also hardly constructive to use his space to air our own prejudices, especially when one of the issues he feared was judgement.[/QUOTE]Yeah, I failed to even see that thread.

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Thu Aug 26, 2004 11:14 pm

@Bloodthore: Watch the language.

If people "piss" you off or the subject is to personal to you -then do not post in said topic if you can't control yourself.
Telling people they are causing suicide is way over the line.
Threatening people behaviour if they were infront of you is also over the line.
This is not the way to discuss constrcutive neither in real life nor on the Internet - and it is especially not welcome on GameBanshee.

So control yourself and consider your post, before you post it and if you can't then refrain from posting.

Some of the things you post in this thread are valid opinnions, but when you post other things as the ones mentioned above you destroy most of the validation you could otherwise have.

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Bloodthroe · Post by **Bloodthroe** » Thu Aug 26, 2004 11:24 pm

Xandax, I can watch myself on what I type. I just didn't realize it offended people like you so much. If I had, then yeah I would've said something like.. angered.. instead of pissed off... So I'll keep it in mind, but I think you're being a little emotional about it.

Some of the things you post in this thread are valid opinnions, but when you post other things as the ones mentioned above you destroy most of the validation you could otherwise have.

I mean that comment just sounded like an insult. Well in any case, I'll follow the rules.

-edit- And I stand clear by what I said, when I told chanak that when he insults people and calls them uneducated, that it drives them towards suicide. Because, believe me it DOES. It's not my opinion.

Hmm... seems you failed to point out him insulting me... yet my mistakes were clearly made. Heh I don't care.

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Thu Aug 26, 2004 11:29 pm

[QUOTE=Bloodthroe]Xandax, I can watch myself on what I type. I just didn't realize it offended people like you so much. If I had, then yeah I would've said something like.. angered.. instead of pissed off... So I'll keep it in mind, but I think you're being a little emotional about it.I mean that comment just sounded like an insult. Well in any case, I'll follow the rules.[/QUOTE]

It was not the "pissed off" i was pointing out.
It was telling Chanak that he was the cause of some peolpe commiting suicide and the threathing people, if they acted a specific way infront of you.

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Bloodthroe · Post by **Bloodthroe** » Thu Aug 26, 2004 11:32 pm

[QUOTE=Xandax]It was not the "pissed off" i was pointing out.
It was telling Chanak that he was the cause of some peolpe commiting suicide and the threathing people, if they acted a specific way infront of you[/QUOTE] I wasn't threating anyone. I was saying that in general if I ever saw someone being picked on I would do something about it. I certainly hope it didn't look like I was threatening them, because frankly I don't threaten people. I see no point in it.

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Fri Aug 27, 2004 3:54 am

Back in elementary school, some of the boys didn't want to sit next to people like me, either. That was because of a logical, scientific reason known as "cooties".

Anyway, back on topic.

DashGore12, there are a lot of things I'd like to say to you, but I'm afraid that most of them would just be words on the screen to you. So I'll try to make this brief.

I don't think that the meaning of life is causing you to despair. I think you might be despondent partially because you're conderned about your sexuality, but I think someday you'll be comfortable about who you are. That leaves the only real problem: you're afraid of how people would react if they found out about your bisexuality. You're not the only person who has agonized about their sexuality, which goes to show that it can be a really big problem. One of my mother's childhood friends committed suicide when she got her first period because she was very ashamed and scared. On top of that, a lot of people made cruel jokes about it. If that's not a good reason to disregard what other people think, I don't know what is.

When I was in college, I suffered from depression, and I sought help from the school psychiatrists. Either they were incompetent, or else they just didn't like me. One of them told me that I had "philosophical problems". Of course I did--I was a philosophy major.

But they said that I was bringing my grief upon myself because of my beliefs. To this day, I still get angry when I think about that. What I needed was medication; I didn't need someone telling me that my problem was that I needed to ask God to make me feel better. When I was depressed, I had a pretty gloomy outlook on life; but once I started feeling better, my beliefs didn't change, which proves that my beliefs weren't the cause of my misery. When I cheered up, so did my outlook on life.

I think what you need right now is a good way to cheer you up. I'll tell you what works for me: just play some great party music from the 1970s. It is IMPOSSIBLE to feel depressed when you're listening to K.C. and the Sunshine Band; I guarantee it.

Would you like a list of songs, or would you like me to send you a CD?

Physical exercise can also change your mood pretty fast. Try doing twenty-five pushups, or run around the block a couple of times. If you're not stimulated by it, exhaustion is the next best thing--you can drop into bed and go right to sleep without worrying about your life or what other people think or anything else.

If you want a happy thought, here's one. Homosexuals and bisexuals can be funny, intelligent, creative people, and some of them are a lot of fun to be around. Even intellectually-honest homophobes have to admit that the world would be a lot less colorful without their contributions. I think it would be great if you could get to know other bisexuals and homosexuals. Not only could they help you deal with your problems (they've had to deal with the same problems you're dealing with), they could also be a lot of fun to hang out with. An old acquaintance of mine didn't "come out" until he was in grad school, which means he missed out on a lot of fun in his undergraduate years. When he joined a gay/lesbian support group, he stood in a room filled with fifty people like himself, and for the first time in his life, he didn't feel like he was so different from everyone else. Can you imagine how liberating that would be, or how happy it would make you feel? Well, there are millions of men (young and old) in the United States who know how it feels. I wish you could talk to some of them.

On another message board I used to visit, there was a guy who went by the name "Wishy". He isn't ashamed of being bisexual; he enjoys it. It might surprise you to hear that his wife is okay with it. I don't know anything about his sex life (that's between him and his wife), but evidently she lets him dress in drag once in a while. When the women on the message board got into a discussion about which of the male NPCs from Baldur's Gate 2 we'd like to romance, he joined in. In another message thread, people posted photos of themselves, including some of the women. The men on the board naturally asked for photos that "showed more skin". Well, Wishy obliged them and posted a photo of himself dressed in women's lingerie (taken at a Rocky Horror Picture Show party). The men gagged, of course, but it was all in good fun, and it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen anyone do on a message board. I wish you could talk to him.

Coot · Post by **Coot** » Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:37 am

@VD: we can always count on you to be constructive. You're right: a depression can be overcome.

Luis Antonio · Post by **Luis Antonio** » Fri Aug 27, 2004 11:16 am

[QUOTE=Bloodthroe]No offense Chanak, but it's people like you that cause people to commit suicide. Insulting people and calling them uneducated when you clearly don't even know them. Dash has to learn how to deal with my criticism. Otherwise, he WILL commit suicide, because he won’t know how to deal with the pain. And as far as the calling me sport thing goes, you can stop it now.[/QUOTE]

BT, there are ways to deal with pain. Some people need other ways than the one you choose for yourself. I dont like the way you're heading so I wont comment any further.

Morril · Post by **Morril** » Fri Aug 27, 2004 11:22 am

@Bloodthroe:
I don't know you. Maybe you only try help - I don't know. But to tell you the true I think your comments do more harm than help. I don't say that your opinions are right or wrong - I only say they are not helpfull. Sometimes it is better not to speak ones opinion if it can possible harm people

Dashgore asked for help and many here wants to help him.
By the way - I am little worried why you (Dashgore) don't answer or respond...

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Fri Aug 27, 2004 9:27 pm

Every human being has differing thresholds of tolerance on just about everything. There's been some interesting studies done in hospitals concerning pain tolerance and how it varies from situation to situation, even in the same human being. A myraid of factors, both subtle and not so subtle, affect us daily, and even moment to moment.

One person's pain is another's non-issue. When I read Dash's post, I respond to the pain I sense he is in. While I am not in his shoes per se, I have been in a similar place just the same time and time again, and I know how it feels to be desperate and hanging on by sheer force of will alone. This understanding translates into compassion, something which certain individuals seem to lack. It takes understanding to be compassionate...not necessarily scholarly knowledge, just an understanding of what it's like to hurt. I think most people have this understanding, and those who are so inclined by compassion reach out in whatever way they can to those hurting.

A bunch of myths surround suicide, most of which, to me, are pure bunk. Concepts like "it's an attention-getter" still circulate around today, and in a way I think it's a denial of something people find uncomfortable and disconcerting. Suicide occurs to the mind that is overwhelmed and has no means with which to cope. Suicide even occurs in lower animals. A suicidal person needs coping tools. One does NOT gain a coping tool by "pulling up their boot straps." That kind of mentality might work on the football field or in a combat zone, where the pressure is high and (in the case of combat) lives other than your own are on the line, but it has no place in day to day life. Adopt that kind of outlook as your philosophy, and you'll find yourself very, very alone with no friends. I lived in that sort of mentality during my time in the US Army, and adjusting to civilian life after I got out in 1993 was very difficult for me.

@Bloodthroe: Nothing in your post merits a response. I will say, however, that jumping into a thread started by a young man looking for help, demeaning him, then complaining that you're being insulted, won't make you very popular with anyone, least of all with me.

@Dottie: All of my homosexual friends here in the US have told me that the various gay communities here were life-preservers for them. In some cities the community is very strong and established - like Atlanta, Georgia, and here in Austin, Texas, where I live. In other places that aren't so cosmopolitan, they are more discreet and unobtrusive out of necessity. They all lean on each other for support, because being homosexual in many parts of the US is still a social stigma. Dash would do well to seek out the community where he is.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sat Aug 28, 2004 9:05 am

Calm down, everyone.

Said it fairly well, Chanak.

People, let's refrain from commenting on someone else's post that would dilute the thread of its real purpose.

Hope that Dash would come out okay.

DashGore12 · Post by **DashGore12** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 7:09 pm

[QUOTE=Luis Antonio]Dash,

I
*hug*[/QUOTE]

lol thankss for hug

DashGore12 · Post by **DashGore12** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 7:49 pm

[QUOTE=C Elegans]

3. Do your thoughts about the meaning of life make you so depressed so you consider suicide? Is it that you can't find any meaning with your life, or it is that you suffer a lot in your current situation?.[/QUOTE]

the second one

DashGore12 · Post by **DashGore12** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 8:05 pm

omfg... i cannot express my anger here....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats the closest thing... i just spent about an hour righting a post... tyhen... when i tried to log in after posting it... it got deleted ... then started over... and frgot wat caused last poroblem... then i did it again... ill check up in an hour....!!!!!!!!1 grrrrr.. sry

well i muight as well try in a quickl sum

not ready to say im bi, i will b eventually bbut not to soon

i htink im extremely lazy so i just dont feel like going on haveing kids ect.

im not mopey or depressed just i AM contemplating suicide.. so unless one of you got an answer that will alter my thoughts on life completely.. my suicidal thoughts still stand strong. (not that your answers werent dynamite!

)

cant talk to family about stuff... just not comfortable specially cause i see them every day and its face to face.

friends... i got no real friends.. i csant sit down and say i got some problems i need to work out... can u help me?

i dont blame them for this its just that most boys have serious trouble comforting other boys.

maybe ill go into way more detail later... turns out i cant check up on this later tonight. ill b on tomarrow mornign to check it out, maybe u'll have posted mayb not,

ty and bye

-Dash

Lost One · Post by **Lost One** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 9:05 pm

Here's an analogy to the meaning of life I always found interesting.

Take the lives of bees.

Bees fly around collecting nectar from flowers to create honey. That's all they do. Everyday. And they don't stop to question 'Why am I doing this?'. They just do it. They don't think 'oh, not another boring day collecting nectar'. They have a goal, and a purpose, which may seem small and insignificant to the rest of everything, but it isn't.

Unknown to the honey bees, while they collect nectar, they are also helping in cross-pollinating the plants by dropping pollen on the pistils of flowers. This, in return, helps new flowers/crops grow which in turn, gives the rest of everything oxygen.

Ah...so maybe the True and Hidden Meaning of Life for the bees is to pollinate the plants, to keep life running! But guess what, they don't know about it. Their simple function is to make honey.

Likewise, the same can be applied to humans. Sure, life might not hold a meaning for you now, but who is to say that is has no meaning? Every life has a meaning, even if it is hidden from sight. Your tiniest actions may have large consequences (eg. Butterfly Effect?) on you and others, and the more positive these actions are, the more positive are the results and the feedback.

If there is ever a meaning in life is that you must use it, and not throw it away. It's when you commit suicide that the meaning is lost forever.

Good luck.

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Wed Sep 01, 2004 10:26 pm

[QUOTE=unregisturd]Hey, Dash,
I'm 16 years old and I started out like you. (Referring to your problems, #2 and #3.) I thought (and still do) about everything and the meaning of it... And I started getting really depressed. I seriously thought about suicide numerous times, but I never did it. (Obviously.) Wanna know how I got through it? I surrounded myself by my friends. I participated in the better things in life. I did things that I LOVED to do. I took up writing poetry, and that actually made me feel good about myself. And hey, if you're having problems with friends, you can always talk to me. (PM me on here, or I have AIM, just IM me at unregisturd.) Lots of times I felt abandoned by my friends, (I have no idea what your friendship situation is, hopefully you have a few good ones.) and I started talking to this guy from a poetry site, and now him and I are best friends. And he's always there for me. And it's a lot easier to tell him things than it sometimes is to tell my friends whom I see every day. Sometimes it is indeed easier to talk to people you don't know about your problems, and perhaps that is why you posted here in SYM. But Dash, let me tell you as one youth to another, things can always get better. Lots of times, I know, it seems like life is going down the tubes, and you feel like you can't escape, and so you revert to suicide. But listen to me... Suicide gets you no where. Suicide does nothing but makes things worse. Man, I've been where you are, I know how it is. You just have to surround yourself with friends, family, anything you enjoy being around. Take notice of the better things in life. Then life doesn't seem so bad after all... And I'm serious when I say you can IM me anytime you want. I'm on the computer a lot, and I have no problem helping you out.

Don't give up, man. Life is much better than death. Someday, you will die, but it's not your time now. Just don't give up.[/QUOTE]

i agree with reg and i've been ther A LOT! except for the fact that u comit suicide because u get too deep in life... i don't think i hav ever thought of commiting suicide

lucky me... i hav the luck of never feelin ULTRA depressed although i hav been through the thought of getting too deep in life

i never really thought of it as a bad thing... when i was somewhere around the age of 7 or 8 i got really scared of the fact of dying

then i really started understanding my religon b4 i used to think when we die we jus become dead no after life no nothing... I WAS REALLY scared but later on i learned that in my religon we go on into a after life, first we must suffer ALL the bad deeds we hav done in life, we suffer in hell then when we hav suffered our long deth row of bad deeds we would go and permenantly live in heaven

so i jus planned on livin life the way we should everything should happen naturaly

so my suggestions r study your religon a bit more, and perhaps transfer to another

and buddy i too will be 12 this friday

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 1:17 am

[QUOTE=Bloodthroe]Xandax, I can watch myself on what I type. I just didn't realize it offended people like you so much. If I had, then yeah I would've said something like.. angered.. instead of pissed off... So I'll keep it in mind, but I think you're being a little emotional about it.[/QUOTE]

Please respect Xandax. We all respect him, along with the other moderators, b/c they're really helpful, patient and nice guys, so don't question his decisions, OK? Not that he needs defending from me, I just can't stand reading posts like that.

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 1:32 am

I've read the rest of the posts here and saw that some of you try to be firm and strict, saying that thinking about suicide itself shows weakness - others say this should be treated carefully, and try to be gentle and understanding.

I can understand both sides, though. The first party probably has learned a lot about these kind of problems already, therefore they know very well that the solution is pulling yourself togheter and start doing something for yourself. The problem is that if you're BEFORE solving your problem you don't know this. It wil be clear for you after it's all over.

So I personally support the other party, who are ready to encourage and give advice to those who asked for it. Kind words and caring attention feels much better than telling off, I think. Even though I agree with those who say that the decision is eventually his to make, I say we can help him by sharing our thoughts.

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 1:45 am

[QUOTE=DashGore12]omfg... i just spent about an hour righting a post... tyhen... when i tried to log in after posting it... it got deleted ... then started over... and frgot wat caused last poroblem... then i did it again... ill check up in an hour....!!!!!!!!1 grrrrr.. sry[/QUOTE]
Something similar happened to me last week. I spent over half an hour writing a post, and then my cat sat on my keyboard and hit the ESC key, which erased the whole message. It wasn't the first time that has happened.

There are ways to avoid such catastrophes. Do you know how to cut and paste? I sometimes save my messages to the "clipboard" on my computer (everything you cut or copy goes to a hidden "clipboard") while I'm writing them. All you have to do is highlight the whole message and hit CTRL-C; when you want to paste it, just hit CTRL-V. Sometimes I compose messages in Notepad and then paste them into the "Reply" box, especially if my cat is lurking nearby.

[QUOTE=DashGore12]i htink im extremely lazy so i just dont feel like going on haveing kids ect.[/QUOTE]
Get up and DANCE. You want to change your mood really quick? You want to get motivated? Then get up off your booty and energize yourself.

[QUOTE=DashGore12]im not mopey or depressed just i AM contemplating suicide.. so unless one of you got an answer that will alter my thoughts on life completely.. my suicidal thoughts still stand strong.[/QUOTE]
I don't think I could alter your thoughts on life completely. But I can make a prediction: your thoughts on life will be completely different in twenty or thirty years, when you are my age. I don't have to do a thing.

When I was your age, I didn't know what it would be like to be older. Please listen to me. I remember clearly what it was like to be 16. I have a little more trouble remembering what it was like to be 12. It is a lot more difficult to remember what it was like to be 8. But I can tell you this much: being 12 was a lot different than being 8; being 16 was a lot different than being 12; and being 38 is a lot different than being 16. I still feel very youthful (which is relative, of course), but on the other hand, I'm nearly middle-aged. I'm not sure how I'll feel when I'm 80, but if I live to be that old, I'll probably feel different than I do now.

Speaking from experience, I don't think you can put your whole life in perspective when you're 12 years old. I'm not trying to put you down or tell you that you don't know anything; all I'm saying is, don't act like you know everything.

I think it's a blessing to be so young. You have so many chances ahead of you that are no longer available to someone my age. Look on the bright side: you haven't screwed up yet. Lord almighty, you don't know how good you have it.

Let's put it this way: you're worried about things that haven't even happened yet. Hey, I know what a pain that is, and you're dealing with a lot right now. But here's something that might help you put things in perspective: you haven't screwed up yet. Yes, I know I'm repeating myself.

Most of the time when people feel bad--people my age, for instance--they feel bad about things that have already happened, not about things that haven't even happened yet. You might feel bad about some things you've done twenty years from now, but don't be mad at yourself about them now.

I hope that makes sense to you.

But if it didn't, here's an argument I can always fall back on: I would LOVE to have as much energy as I did when I was 12. You're a boy, so you probably have even more energy than I did. Why would you let that go to waste?

[QUOTE=DashGore12]friends... i got no real friends.. i cant sit down and say i got some problems i need to work out... can u help me?

i dont blame them for this its just that most boys have serious trouble comforting other boys.[/QUOTE]
I won't lie to you. I don't think it's easy to make friends (not friends you can trust, anyway).

If I were you, I don't think I'd ask other 12-year-olds for advice or help. 12-year-old boys aren't supposed to be able to comfort other boys.

The most you can expect from other boys your age is friendship, fun, and loyalty. That's what you should seek from them.

If you can find things you enjoy doing (like dancing, for instance), then it's easier to find people who enjoy doing the same things with you. Nobody's going to come to your room and say, "Hey, can I sit around the house doing nothing with you?"

I don't know what sort of activities to suggest, because it all depends on what you like to do. I started taking Tae Kwon Do lessons when I was your age. I just read the Harry Potter books a couple of months ago (I'm waiting for the next one to come out in November). Hey, I know how to have fun, and I can find people who enjoy the same things I do. You can do it, too!

Of course, in addition to making friends, there's also another reason to find things you enjoy doing: so you'll have things to do when you don't have any friends around. Who knows, maybe you'll even find something you want to dedicate your life to. That might make you change your plans, or even change your outlook on life.

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Thu Sep 02, 2004 2:03 am

[QUOTE=VonDondu]If you can find things you enjoy doing (like dancing, for instance), then it's easier to find people who enjoy doing the same things with you. Nobody's going to come to your room and say, "Hey, can I sit around the house doing nothing with you?"

I don't know what sort of activities to suggest, because it all depends on what you like to do. I started taking Tae Kwon Do lessons when I was your age. I just read the Harry Potter books a couple of months ago (I'm waiting for the next one to come out in November). Hey, I know how to have fun, and I can find people who enjoy the same things I do. You can do it, too!
[/QUOTE]

VD is right. Even if you can't ask your friends to understand and help deeper problems of your life, I think you need people to share your time with. It's not that fun being alone, is it? Much better to share your interests with people of your age.