Ok, I need some advice...
I'm friends with these two girls...(let's call them 1 and 2). 1 has freely admitted to liking me as more then a friend, and seems to excpect me to feel the same thing (which, although I care for her a great deal, I really don't). I've been slowly building a relationship with 2, and I'm trying to decide whether to "ask her out", or whether that'd ruin our friendship. However, 1 and 2 are both also VERY close friends, and I don't want to drive a wedge between them.
PLEASE HELP ME!!!![SIZE]
Girl Trouble
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Tower_Master
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Girl Trouble
I sincerely wish we could re-consider this plan from a perspective that involved pants.
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tom the terribl
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Girls
Yes talk to both and softly entertain the idea to have both of them. If they are willing you can have both either the same time or in couple sessions. It can be wonderfull but be aware you may not be able to choose one without causing anger in the other who will complain to two. Who will leave you without either. Maybe you should find a new girl elsewhere. Lastly this may be a question for the opposite of your desires. Its never easy.
Yes talk to both and softly entertain the idea to have both of them. If they are willing you can have both either the same time or in couple sessions. It can be wonderfull but be aware you may not be able to choose one without causing anger in the other who will complain to two. Who will leave you without either. Maybe you should find a new girl elsewhere. Lastly this may be a question for the opposite of your desires. Its never easy.
Oh Tower_Master, ever heard the saying.."Up the creek without a paddle"? I would say your up the creek without a paddle and taking on water while the sharks are swimming around your boat as well. 
As tom the terribl posted, 'Maybe you should find a new girl elsewhere.' seems to be the safest bet. Alas we only live one life (well some of us) so I believe in disregarding the danger and aahhhhhhhh.
As tom the terribl posted, 'Maybe you should find a new girl elsewhere.' seems to be the safest bet. Alas we only live one life (well some of us) so I believe in disregarding the danger and aahhhhhhhh."Vile and evil, yes. But, That's Weasel" From BS's book, MD 20/20: Fine Wines of Rocky Flop.
Why do guys always call it "girl trouble"? Sounds to me like you're the one who's causing all the trouble, Tower_Master. (I'm just kidding, of course.)
Here's some general advice. First of all, don't get romantically involved with anyone who is important to you unless you want to make a commitment to be her boyfriend. Don't go out with anyone you feel half-hearted about. Second of all, try to understand what ruins friendships and relationships. Disloyalty, dishonesty, jealousy, and possessiveness are the usual culprits. And finally, if two girls are going to "fight" over you, then you might have to choose between them, or you might seek out someone else, as tom the terribl suggested. Contrary to what tom the terribl suggested, I do NOT think that you should try to go out with both of them at the same time.
In your particular situation, it isn't really possible to foresee the future, and that's why your decision seems so risky. Since you know that Girl #1 likes you as "more than a friend", there's no uncertainty that she would like to date you. The question is, do you really want to go out her, and only you can answer that. However, you don't know how Girl #2 would feel if you went out with Girl #1; you're afraid it might drive a wedge between them. Well, the simple solution to that particular problem is: 1) ask Girl #2 how she would feel if you went out with Girl #1 (I assume that Girl #2 knows that Girl #1 would like to go out with you, correct?), or 2) avoid the risk and don't go out with Girl #1. You don't seem to be inclined to go out with Girl #1, so I wouldn't go out with her if I were you. That's my advice. If you do, you might end up in a situation where you're unhappy with the person you're with, which is not any fun, and you'd be in a position where you would have to reject her, and that isn't any fun.
This brings us to whether you should ask out Girl #2. Before you do that, you should try to answer a few questions. First of all, would she like to go out with you? There's an easy way to find out the answer to that question: ask her (with prudence and discretion) how she feels about you and whether she would like to go out with you. If she doesn't want to go out with you, then the matter is resolved. If she says that she would in fact be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you, then you should ask her what effect it would have on your friendship if things didn't work out. Failed intimacy can create tensions between people that you would never expect. The next question would be, how would Girl #1 feel if you asked out Girl #2? To answer that question, you would have to ask Girl #1. I suspect she would be jealous, but here's something you should realize: Girl #1 would feel even worse if you were going out with Girl #2 and it came to her as a surprise. Things like that can be a terrible shock.
If you were asking out a girl you didn't know very well, you would not be having such explicit conversations with her before asking her out. That's one of the advantages of asking out someone who isn't one of your friends. But you still might want to talk to Girl #1 and Girl #2 before you asked out anyone else, since they are your friends and you care about them. One of the things that makes your situation so difficult is the fact that you want to be friends with both of them, and you don't want to do anything that would hurt your friendship. Maybe you should avoid the risk and seek out someone else. But that still raises the question: how would Girl #1 and Girl #2 feel if you started going out with some other girl? Would they be jealous? I don't see how you could avoid that risk if they would like to go out with you. Oh well, that's life.
To sum up:
If you don't feel like going out with Girl #1, then don't ask her out. If Girl #2 doesn't want to go out with you, then don't ask her out. If Girl #2 does want to go out with and you want to go out with her, then be prepared to deal with Girl #1's jealousy. If you decide not to ask out either one of them, then try to avoid hurting their feelings if you go out with someone else, since your own feelings about them are manifestly ambivalent.
It seems like there's no such thing as "courtship" anymore, and that's a shame. People become intimate so fast, whether as lovers or close friends, that problems crop up before you know it. Courtship is a screening process that eases you into relationships or stops things cold before trouble occurs. It gives everybody time to adjust, including onlookers. I happen to think there's something wrong with the idea that if you ask a girl out on a date, you're committed to her and all of her friends should feel jealous. I think that courtship should precede a commitment. I guess people just aren't happy anymore if things don't happen instantly.
(I'm just kidding, of course.) Here's some general advice. First of all, don't get romantically involved with anyone who is important to you unless you want to make a commitment to be her boyfriend. Don't go out with anyone you feel half-hearted about. Second of all, try to understand what ruins friendships and relationships. Disloyalty, dishonesty, jealousy, and possessiveness are the usual culprits. And finally, if two girls are going to "fight" over you, then you might have to choose between them, or you might seek out someone else, as tom the terribl suggested. Contrary to what tom the terribl suggested, I do NOT think that you should try to go out with both of them at the same time.
In your particular situation, it isn't really possible to foresee the future, and that's why your decision seems so risky. Since you know that Girl #1 likes you as "more than a friend", there's no uncertainty that she would like to date you. The question is, do you really want to go out her, and only you can answer that. However, you don't know how Girl #2 would feel if you went out with Girl #1; you're afraid it might drive a wedge between them. Well, the simple solution to that particular problem is: 1) ask Girl #2 how she would feel if you went out with Girl #1 (I assume that Girl #2 knows that Girl #1 would like to go out with you, correct?), or 2) avoid the risk and don't go out with Girl #1. You don't seem to be inclined to go out with Girl #1, so I wouldn't go out with her if I were you. That's my advice. If you do, you might end up in a situation where you're unhappy with the person you're with, which is not any fun, and you'd be in a position where you would have to reject her, and that isn't any fun.
This brings us to whether you should ask out Girl #2. Before you do that, you should try to answer a few questions. First of all, would she like to go out with you? There's an easy way to find out the answer to that question: ask her (with prudence and discretion) how she feels about you and whether she would like to go out with you. If she doesn't want to go out with you, then the matter is resolved. If she says that she would in fact be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you, then you should ask her what effect it would have on your friendship if things didn't work out. Failed intimacy can create tensions between people that you would never expect. The next question would be, how would Girl #1 feel if you asked out Girl #2? To answer that question, you would have to ask Girl #1. I suspect she would be jealous, but here's something you should realize: Girl #1 would feel even worse if you were going out with Girl #2 and it came to her as a surprise. Things like that can be a terrible shock.
If you were asking out a girl you didn't know very well, you would not be having such explicit conversations with her before asking her out. That's one of the advantages of asking out someone who isn't one of your friends. But you still might want to talk to Girl #1 and Girl #2 before you asked out anyone else, since they are your friends and you care about them. One of the things that makes your situation so difficult is the fact that you want to be friends with both of them, and you don't want to do anything that would hurt your friendship. Maybe you should avoid the risk and seek out someone else. But that still raises the question: how would Girl #1 and Girl #2 feel if you started going out with some other girl? Would they be jealous? I don't see how you could avoid that risk if they would like to go out with you. Oh well, that's life.
To sum up:
If you don't feel like going out with Girl #1, then don't ask her out. If Girl #2 doesn't want to go out with you, then don't ask her out. If Girl #2 does want to go out with and you want to go out with her, then be prepared to deal with Girl #1's jealousy. If you decide not to ask out either one of them, then try to avoid hurting their feelings if you go out with someone else, since your own feelings about them are manifestly ambivalent.
It seems like there's no such thing as "courtship" anymore, and that's a shame. People become intimate so fast, whether as lovers or close friends, that problems crop up before you know it. Courtship is a screening process that eases you into relationships or stops things cold before trouble occurs. It gives everybody time to adjust, including onlookers. I happen to think there's something wrong with the idea that if you ask a girl out on a date, you're committed to her and all of her friends should feel jealous. I think that courtship should precede a commitment. I guess people just aren't happy anymore if things don't happen instantly.
one of my friends came across the exact same situation.... only problem was, night after he asked "girl 1" out, he got drunk and pulled "girl 2" this did not however ruin hs relationsip with either of them, or the relationship of the two girls. He did however tell girl 1 that he quote "didn't fell that way about her", when infact he should of said "sorry, i was gunna go out with you but i got drunk and pulled girl 2 so, sorry, but hey!" (or that's what I think he should of said. maybe not considering "girl 1" is a kill bill-esque uma thurman wannabe )
so your answer is alcohol.
apologies if none of that made sense
)so your answer is alcohol.
apologies if none of that made sense
Mag: Don't remember much at all of last night do you?
Me: put simply.... No
Mag: From what I put together of your late night drunken ramblings? Vodka, 3 girls, and then we played tic-tac-toe and slapped each other around.
Me: put simply.... No
Mag: From what I put together of your late night drunken ramblings? Vodka, 3 girls, and then we played tic-tac-toe and slapped each other around.
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Sean The Owner
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Tower_Master
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First, I just want to thank everybody for the advice. It's been a big help to listen to other people's opinions.
@Weasel: If only I could swim.
@VonDondu: wow...it sounds like you've been here before...thanks, especially for the advice on "Girl 1"
@Giles: have you been talking to Luis Antonio? If only alcohol WAS the answer to all our problems...
Who knows...maybe I'll be completely un-original and be honest with both... or just run away to Mexico.
@Weasel: If only I could swim.
@VonDondu: wow...it sounds like you've been here before...thanks, especially for the advice on "Girl 1"
@Giles: have you been talking to Luis Antonio?
If only alcohol WAS the answer to all our problems...Who knows...maybe I'll be completely un-original and be honest with both... or just run away to Mexico.
I sincerely wish we could re-consider this plan from a perspective that involved pants.
[QUOTE=Tower_Master]First, I just want to thank everybody for the advice. It's been a big help to listen to other people's opinions.
@Weasel: If only I could swim.
@VonDondu: wow...it sounds like you've been here before...thanks, especially for the advice on "Girl 1"
@Giles: have you been talking to Luis Antonio? If only alcohol WAS the answer to all our problems...
Who knows...maybe I'll be completely un-original and be honest with both... or just run away to Mexico. [/QUOTE]
would i ever? *angelic face.*
@Weasel: If only I could swim.
@VonDondu: wow...it sounds like you've been here before...thanks, especially for the advice on "Girl 1"
@Giles: have you been talking to Luis Antonio?
If only alcohol WAS the answer to all our problems...Who knows...maybe I'll be completely un-original and be honest with both... or just run away to Mexico.
[/QUOTE]would i ever? *angelic face.*
Mag: Don't remember much at all of last night do you?
Me: put simply.... No
Mag: From what I put together of your late night drunken ramblings? Vodka, 3 girls, and then we played tic-tac-toe and slapped each other around.
Me: put simply.... No
Mag: From what I put together of your late night drunken ramblings? Vodka, 3 girls, and then we played tic-tac-toe and slapped each other around.
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dark_raven
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i have some advice of my own... follow your heart! but not at the expence of friendship.
also, if you don't like girl 1 more then a friend, you might consiter telling her... i don't know her, so i can't tell you how she'd react to that. but you know, so use your own judgement to deside whether to tell or not.
another thing, paticence... you might consiter waiting for girl 2 to show that she wants to be more then a friend to you. but don't wait to long!!! i lost someone that way and girl 1 might just have a crush on you, thats all. it may go away in a short while.
last thing... if you are at all unsertain what to do, consiter doing nothing on the situation...
also, if you don't like girl 1 more then a friend, you might consiter telling her... i don't know her, so i can't tell you how she'd react to that. but you know, so use your own judgement to deside whether to tell or not.
another thing, paticence... you might consiter waiting for girl 2 to show that she wants to be more then a friend to you. but don't wait to long!!! i lost someone that way and girl 1 might just have a crush on you, thats all. it may go away in a short while.
last thing... if you are at all unsertain what to do, consiter doing nothing on the situation...
†Ð∂RK R∂VΣN†
--love is way over rated, less its true and honest... but thats not easily found--
-ÐR
-ÐR
"You will NEVER understand me till you can read my MIND!!!"
Usstan Elgga Dos, Wael!!!
I am gonna say what every guy here has thought or has been been thinking:
You are ****ed. Let it go while you still have body parts.
My advice? Welcome to pandora's box. A friend of mine once said. Women never come in ones, they come in pairs. There is always some bloody complication. So in this situation. Pack up and leave. Regardless of how this turns out you will be to blame if it goes wrong.
Move cities, states even and start a fresh
You are ****ed.
Let it go while you still have body parts.My advice? Welcome to pandora's box. A friend of mine once said. Women never come in ones, they come in pairs. There is always some bloody complication. So in this situation. Pack up and leave. Regardless of how this turns out you will be to blame if it goes wrong.
Move cities, states even and start a fresh
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? - Khalil Gibran
"We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender!" - Winston Churchill
"We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender!" - Winston Churchill
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dark_raven
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[QUOTE=CM]
My advice? Welcome to pandora's box. A friend of mine once said. Women never come in ones, they come in pairs. There is always some bloody complication.[/QUOTE]
i totally agree, CM!!!
My advice? Welcome to pandora's box. A friend of mine once said. Women never come in ones, they come in pairs. There is always some bloody complication.[/QUOTE]
i totally agree, CM!!!
†Ð∂RK R∂VΣN†
--love is way over rated, less its true and honest... but thats not easily found--
-ÐR
-ÐR
"You will NEVER understand me till you can read my MIND!!!"
Usstan Elgga Dos, Wael!!!
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Tower_Master
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It's nice to know I'm not the person here foolish enough to get into this sort of situation...
@dark_raven : my sympathies on your loss...I'm not sure how "Girl 1" would handle it, either.
@CM: thaaaanks. Is it that obvious??? ...Your friend was a very smart fellow.
@dark_raven : my sympathies on your loss...I'm not sure how "Girl 1" would handle it, either.
@CM: thaaaanks. Is it that obvious??? ...Your friend was a very smart fellow.
I sincerely wish we could re-consider this plan from a perspective that involved pants.
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dark_raven
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[QUOTE=Tower_Master]@dark_raven : my sympathies on your loss...
[/QUOTE]
don't be sry for me... it's in the past
[QUOTE=Brynn]Dark Raven is right![/QUOTE]
and thanx
[/QUOTE]
don't be sry for me... it's in the past
[QUOTE=Brynn]Dark Raven is right![/QUOTE]
and thanx
†Ð∂RK R∂VΣN†
--love is way over rated, less its true and honest... but thats not easily found--
-ÐR
-ÐR
"You will NEVER understand me till you can read my MIND!!!"
Usstan Elgga Dos, Wael!!!
[QUOTE=dark_raven]i have some advice of my own... follow your heart! but not at the expence of friendship.
also, if you don't like girl 1 more then a friend, you might consiter telling her... QUOTE]
Dark Raven is right! You already know you don't love her, but she revealed her feelings toward you, so you should tell her rigth away that you don't feel the same. That's the least you can do. Don't think about yourself only , you have to consider her feelings, too!
About Girl 2: if you really like her, there is no question, then! Pull yourself together (take more time if you need) and tell her what you feel.
Honesty is the key in both cases.
Good luck
also, if you don't like girl 1 more then a friend, you might consiter telling her... QUOTE]
Dark Raven is right! You already know you don't love her, but she revealed her feelings toward you, so you should tell her rigth away that you don't feel the same. That's the least you can do. Don't think about yourself only , you have to consider her feelings, too!
About Girl 2: if you really like her, there is no question, then!
Pull yourself together (take more time if you need) and tell her what you feel. Honesty is the key in both cases.
Good luck
Up the IRONS!
I was in a similar position. I think i may have posted about here. Basically the two girls decided that as they both might like me neither one will try. Sadly they stuck to their words
But man if you look at all situations. Women never come in ones. I can attest to that personally. Twice.
But man if you look at all situations. Women never come in ones. I can attest to that personally. Twice.
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? - Khalil Gibran
"We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender!" - Winston Churchill
"We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender!" - Winston Churchill
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Witch King
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are you guys serious?
you've got to be kidding. there is only one solution to this: date both of them, and tell neither of them. even though you're not that attracted to 1, come on let's be serious, i'm sure you could convince yourself. this is the best possible way to proceed. this way, you have double the chances of ending up with one of them.
you've got to be kidding. there is only one solution to this: date both of them, and tell neither of them. even though you're not that attracted to 1, come on let's be serious, i'm sure you could convince yourself. this is the best possible way to proceed. this way, you have double the chances of ending up with one of them.
Come not between the Witch King and his prey, or he will not slay thee in thy turn, but will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the lidless Eye.
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Sean The Owner
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didnt he already say he didnt want to go out with both? if one figured out they would both figure out and then they wouldnt even be friends anymore
posted by CM:But man if you look at all situations. Women never come in ones. I can attest to that personally. Twice.
you got a point...and it is seriously annoying
posted by CM:But man if you look at all situations. Women never come in ones. I can attest to that personally. Twice.
you got a point...and it is seriously annoying
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Witch King
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[QUOTE=Sean The Owner]didnt he already say he didnt want to go out with both? if one figured out they would both figure out and then they wouldnt even be friends anymore
you got a point...and it is seriously annoying[/QUOTE]
have you heard the theory that the flashier the car, the smaller the owners sexual organ? same with huge sigs- inverse relationship.
you got a point...and it is seriously annoying[/QUOTE]
have you heard the theory that the flashier the car, the smaller the owners sexual organ? same with huge sigs- inverse relationship.
Come not between the Witch King and his prey, or he will not slay thee in thy turn, but will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the lidless Eye.
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Tower_Master
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@WitchKing : They're both friends, man...they'd find out, and I'd get NAILED to a wall for that...
With all the good advice, I've decided just to go for it...I'm going be honest with "#1" and go for "#2"...wish me luck!
With all the good advice, I've decided just to go for it...I'm going be honest with "#1" and go for "#2"...wish me luck!
I sincerely wish we could re-consider this plan from a perspective that involved pants.