Girl Help !!!

fable · Post by **fable** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 5:51 pm

The Danish girl was very understanding, she cried and apologised for her behaviour and said that she loved him and asked him to marry her. So some months later they did. This was almost 15 years ago and they are still married, living in Denmark, with 2 children.

I'm assuming (perhaps wrongly) that the Danish girl was Christian, agnostic or atheistic in her beliefs, before her marriage. Did either she, or her husband, convert?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 6:06 pm

[QUOTE=fable]I'm assuming (perhaps wrongly) that the Danish girl was Christian, agnostic or atheistic in her beliefs, before her marriage. Did either she, or her husband, convert?[/QUOTE]

The Danish girl was atheist, and she converted in order for their marriage to be valid according to Islamic beliefs. She did not however change her atheist stance, to my understanding the couple made a mutual agreement on accepting and respect each other's different religious views and cultural background. So they both did some adaptions, and it seems to have worked out fine.

It may sound strange that a guy who is a conservative muslim accepts to marry a women who converts for the sake of love rather than religion, but this guy accepted it and the family accepted it too as far as I know. Actually, the youngest brother in the family also met a Danish girl when he visited the couple in Denmark, so he also lives there now and is married to her.

fable · Post by **fable** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 6:36 pm

How are they bringing up the kids? Traditionally, parents select the religion to which their children are offered, long in advance of the development of any self-knowledge.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 8:22 pm

@Darc Elf:Build up your character... girls liking you will just come without even you noticing it.

Girls like guys with confidence yet not too much that you are seen as a person full of himself. Eloquence is cool, but be sure you can back it up whatever you tell her. Actions to support whatever you say speak much about one's character.

The object of your affection maybe different, but generally, girls her age tend to be attracted to guys with the looks or "awesome" talents (like dancing, sports: extreme or regular, music, etc). Unless you got any of these then you have to work on your strenght of character.

You just can't MAKE someone like/love you. The best thing you can do is be nice and good to her. If you really like her that much then go ahead tell her. The question is, can you handle the truth should she decide to turn you down?

Do yourself a favor by improving yourself as a person. Build up your character. Girls will just follow on their own.

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 8:55 pm

[QUOTE=Maharlika]@Darc Elf:Build up your character... girls liking you will just come without even you noticing it.

Girls like guys with confidence yet not too much that you are seen as a person full of himself. Eloquence is cool, but be sure you can back it up whatever you tell her. Actions to support whatever you say speak much about one's character.

The object of your affection maybe different, but generally, girls her age tend to be attracted to guys with the looks or "awesome" talents (like dancing, sports: extreme or regular, music, etc). Unless you got any of these then you have to work on your strenght of character.

You just can't MAKE someone like/love you. The best thing you can do is be nice and good to her. If you really like her that much then go ahead tell her. The question is, can you handle the truth should she decide to turn you down?

Do yourself a favor by improving yourself as a person. Build up your character. Girls will just follow on their own.
[/QUOTE]

Amen, sensei!

DEV: Look at it this way. Guys who may look like warthogs from Hell can eventually find love, especially if they have a personality that shows comfortable compatibility. Look at some rock stars; not all of them look like, say, the hottest male pop stars, but they get women aplenty due to their personalities making them popular among certain women.

Still, those women don't always have something that you might want. What type of thinking and social instincts that you exhibit determines who you attract. Whether you're a deep thinker, a joker, or whatever, you eventually attract SOME WOMAN, but not all men attract the same woman or any woman at the same time.

Look at me. I was once considered the most unattractive person when it came to woman, until I was about 17. I explored my talents, such as my reservoir of knowledge and my knack to perform. Eventually, I had developed an inner circle of female friends, and now almost any woman who doesn't (somehow) find my personality to be an apothesis of her lifestyle makes swift (if not strong) friends with me.

Disclaimer: This is only an example meant to encourage, not intimidate. Galuf the Dwarf has gone through similar circumstances to Darc_Elv_Nyte, and is intended to encourage him to find his inner strengths.

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 5:32 pm

...

...
i just got an IM last nite, from her bf... i'm not sure wot it stood for though it was either best friend or ..... my worst enemy

anyway it saidnot to IM jess anymore cuz i "scare her"

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 6:46 pm

[QUOTE=Darc_Elv_Nyte]...

...
i just got an IM last nite, from her bf... i'm not sure wot it stood for though it was either best friend or ..... my worst enemy

anyway it saidnot to IM jess anymore cuz i "scare her"

[/QUOTE]

Uh oh... definitely sounds like a red flag. If he wants you to can the IM, that's more than likely the best choice.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:02 pm

[QUOTE=fable]How are they bringing up the kids? Traditionally, parents select the religion to which their children are offered, long in advance of the development of any self-knowledge.[/QUOTE]

I don't know, I only know the brother who is living in Tunisa, the two who live in Denmark he has told me about, I've never met them, only seen their pictures. I would guess though from what my friend has told me, that the parents present both views to their children since that is generally how they seem to live their lives. However, since they have choosen to live in Denmark and bring up the children there, I would guess there is automatically an overweight towards the typical agnostic/atheist Scandinavian view of religion rather than a strong islamic influence. This is nothing unusual per se, I know many couples who have mixed religion and ethnic background, and it is usually solved with "daddy thinks this, mommy thinks this, you have to decide for yourself what you think is right for you".

Back to topic:

[QUOTE=Darc_Elv_Nyte]i just got an IM last nite, from her bf... i'm not sure wot it stood for though it was either best friend or ..... my worst enemy

anyway it saidnot to IM jess anymore cuz i "scare her" [/QUOTE]

I'm sorry to hear that

Is this guy her boyfriend as in somebody she is together with, or is he just another male friend of hers? Is he a friend of yours? Is it most likely that he tells the truth, or is it possible that he says this in order to keep you away from her because he fancies her himself?

It certainly sounds like you should stay away from Jess, but if you see her and she talks to you, you should perhaps ask her something like "I heard from a friend that you prefer me not to IM you anymore, is that right? I'm really sorry if I have bothered you in some way, I just wanted to be your friend" or something similar, as neutral as you can.

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:46 pm

[QUOTE=C Elegans]
Back to topic:

I'm sorry to hear that

Is this guy her boyfriend as in somebody she is together with, or is he just another male friend of hers? Is he a friend of yours? Is it most likely that he tells the truth, or is it possible that he says this in order to keep you away from her because he fancies her himself?

It certainly sounds like you should stay away from Jess, but if you see her and she talks to you, you should perhaps ask her something like "I heard from a friend that you prefer me not to IM you anymore, is that right? I'm really sorry if I have bothered you in some way, I just wanted to be your friend" or something similar, as neutral as you can.[/QUOTE]

i did say that to her in science today (only class i sit next to her [except for lockers]) i tol her," hey,some person calling him/herself you bf IMed me through your screen name yesterday... he said to stop IMing you because 'I scare you', so do you want me to IM you or do you want me to leave you alone?

Her response, "What ever, if you want to IM me go rite ahed... i dont really care"

as a conclusion i dont think she likes me and actually dislikes me

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 9:15 pm

[QUOTE=Darc_Elv_Nyte]Her response, "What ever, if you want to IM me go rite ahed... i dont really care"

as a conclusion i dont think she likes me and actually dislikes me

[/QUOTE]

Good that you asked her in person, although her response don't give much hope

I think the best for you right now is to keep your distance, at least for a while and don't contact her on IM or take initiative to contact in school. Be polite and friendly the way Aegis, Frogus and Magrus have already described, but let her take the initiative if she wants to talk to you or be with you. In the meanwhile, follow Mahar's advice and work for improvement of yourself. That will help you in all your girl chases in the future.

fable · Post by **fable** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 9:42 pm

I second CE's remarks, Dark Elf Nyte. She seems totally disinterested. At such a point, it's best to cut your losses, so to speak. Nothing good can come from pushing matters. As I suggested earlier, make yourself a more interesting person, and observe more of the world around you. Be interesting yourself, and be interested in others. It sounds like you're ahead of the curve for your age, so it may take a while for your peers to catch up to you; but eventually, they're come to like a person who has much to offer, and obviously cares about their opinions and experiences, too.

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 10:27 pm

i's over...
i give up...
i don want her anymore...
she's spoiled and bratty...
looks arent everything u no...
moderators, feel free to close this thread

i'll try and find a girl that appreciates me for who i am and not what i look like

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Fri Oct 08, 2004 11:58 pm

Well, Darc_Elv_Nyte, it sounds like you learned something important. At least you got that much out of this experience.

I'm not sure what to think about all the advice you've gotten to make efforts to "improve yourself". At your age, you just need to keep learning and keep growing. You're going to change as you get older, you know. You can certainly make some choices now that will affect what happens to you later, but you don't know what the future will bring, and you don't know what things will be like when you're older, so I don't know if trying to make yourself something you're not is such a good idea. I suggest that you do simple things such as eating right, keeping yourself well-groomed, getting enough exercise, listening to what other people have to say, and making an effort to like other people for who THEY are and not what they look like. The more you care about other people's feelings, the more they will appreciate your overtures, as long as you stay within the bounds of reasonable behavior. If that sounds vague, I'm sorry, but there are some things you're just going to have to learn on your own.

In my own experience, I have found that two things can happen when someone likes you. Either you become interested in them just because they like you (it can have a powerful effect on your ego), or else you disregard their feelings because they're not attractive to you and their feelings mean nothing to you.

When someone rejects me, I like to remember that there are people whom I have rejected. It's not about "losing" or "failing" or "not being good enough"; it's about realizing that the two of you are simply not right for each other. The lesson is that you need to move on and meet someone else. You sound like you are ready to do just that, so I say, good for you.

I don't know if this is any help, but one of my friends has a 12-year-old son. Physically, I'd say he's a bit precocious, but I'm really worried about his emotional and social development. I can't talk to him about anything except video games, and I don't know if he's even able to talk to girls his own age. I can't imagine him being able to understand the kind of advice I've been giving you. I remind myself that he's only 12 years old, but when I see the messages that you have written here, I'd have to say that you are more mature than he is, and I'd have to say that you are better off than he is. Keep that in mind when you're dealing with your peers--they have a lot of learning and growing to do, too.

Mccool · Post by **Mccool** » Sat Oct 09, 2004 1:27 am

The same thing happened to me my friend, and i belive that you have chosen the right path.I spoke to another friend about it after i gave up and her advice was

''this is just life telling you there is someone better for you and who will think the world of you out there you just have to find them''
And well i got rejected and i fell the same and this advice really helped me get over it so............yeah im done.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sat Oct 09, 2004 4:24 am

Just move on, man. Just move on.

For better or for worse, there are more to come...

...now, it's up to you if you'd take them for the better or for the worse.

Wolfguard · Post by **Wolfguard** » Sun Oct 10, 2004 3:44 am

i don want her anymore...
she's spoiled and bratty...
looks arent everything u no...

i'll try and find a girl that appreciates me for who i am and not what i look like

That`s it my man! You know what`s up now. And if people start talkin` smack to you about it, remember, you don`t owe anyone any explanations. Focus on yourself and make yourself stronger, physically and mentally.

Another suggestion: find yourself a song that`s can be your "man theme" (mine is "Suffering You" by 16volt), and another one that`s an "it`s time to leave that chick behind " theme ("Big Empty" by Stone Temple Pilots for that one).

Good luck.

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Sun Oct 10, 2004 8:26 am

I definitely second Wolfguard's advice, again.

Me, my manly song is "Hero of the Day" by Metallica, and my "leave her" song would have to be "1000 Times Goodbye" by Megadeth.

Unfortunately, almost no one never "is ultimately lucky." Every person gets turned down somewhere along the line. Almost everyone, though, does get someone who feels like being with them.

Please check your private messages, DEV.

Nobleheart · Post by **Nobleheart** » Sun Oct 10, 2004 9:15 am

Vondondu is completely right, you've learned something from this situation. As for your age IMO your far too young to be worrying about a relationship like this. I don't know all there is to know but I don't believe a twelve year old girl is ready for a relationship either, particularly one of the magnitude you seem to be implying. You're both still young, besides I'm sixteen years old and never had a girlfriend, honestly my best friends life is being controlled by his girlfriend and it's ruining him(no offence ladies). I know I'm looking at the worst possible case scenario here but your still young enjoy your youth. And try not to grow up too fast, I made that mistake already and I regret it.

I think a manly song is definitely a good place for you to start at. Consider it a land mark of a new you. Then go on in life. I think being a friend has as much if not better things to offer in the long run than a relationship.

Lastly don't push the matter, a girl will come to you in time, don't stop training though. It's good for you and you'll be in shape. It'll pay off later when all those pretty boys are weak and can't do any sports and you can look back and reap the benefits of training yourself. Don't train yourself for a girl though, make it for yourself, girls will come...in time.

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 7:06 pm

well... i guess i shood jus keep her in mind... i wont do anything jus for her though... i'll jus do everything for my self... rite?

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Mon Oct 11, 2004 7:53 pm

[QUOTE=Darc_Elv_Nyte]well... i guess i shood jus keep her in mind... i wont do anything jus for her though... i'll jus do everything for my self... rite?[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't really advice that. If a girl sees as thinking of yourself first, that may turn them off. Self-centration can turn MANY people off. Selflessness (as in acting for others) has its drawbacks, but it may get you a few more friends than if all you act just for your own gain.

Overall, it helps to be nice and think of others at least somewhere along the line. Besides, it's like the ancient saying: "You reap what you sow." What goes around comes around. If you act nice, you'll eventually be treated nice as an after-effect.