Okay, Lenny. You wanted it.
First, a preface and explanation-- a lot of this is disconnected, incomplete, and somewhat incoherent, because instead of forming a complete mental and emotional picture of a character, I get things in flashes. If you give me a situation and a character, and allow me to watch that character for a while, I can give you a good approximation of what that character will do next, but if you ask me *why* I think that -- the gears tend to clog up. I *understand*, but communicating it in an understandable manner to another person is quite another issue. Some of this will also seem obvious, while other parts will seem completely wrong. This is likely a function of POV, and neither one of us is wrong.
Also, all this is from the POV of a main character who is pursuing the romance, and not telling him to shut up. ;-)
First, like his father, I don't think Anomen has ever grown up. This can be a good thing, 'cause few things are more boring than a jaded old fogey. ;-) However, in his case it's bad, because he hasn't outgrown the selfishness of childhood. He desperately wants to become a knight, simply because it is his childhood dream. Because he is still seeing all this through the memories of a child, I don't think he truly understands what it means to be a 'knight' or a 'paladin' -- he only sees the glory, not the reality of serving the people.
Also, I think he slightly resents his love interest (i.e., the main character). It goes a bit further than his snapping at her when he perceives complacency in her. He resents her because he can't figure her out. He can't figure anyone else out either, but he doesn't realize this -- in his arrogance, he simply believes that everyone else is an open book. (You can see this in his remarks about Renfeld the poisoned Harper, for example.) His notions are, of course, generally incorrect.
So, Anomen finds himself in a prickly position. There is this female, here, that seems to have it all figured out. Of course, that is not the case, but it looks that way to him, so in the end there's really very little difference. So, at turns, he ends up being arrogant, and needy, and though he doesn't realize it, he hates himself for it. Ultimately, a relationship with him would be doomed, because on his own, he will never be able to know himself, and will never be able to take off those blinkers unless and until he decides to take the people he sees out of those little boxes he places them in. He has placed himself in one of these boxes, too, which complicates matters further. (All of this is without his own conscious thought, of course. He does little in the way of thinking -- otherwise, he wouldn't be the way he is. As has been seen, he often relies on the main for his thinking.)
This is why I said Anomen is a Work In Progress. My thought is that the intention is for the female main to take off those blinkers, forcibly if necessary -- in essence, to mold Anomen into what she needs and desires.
If you believe all the sitcoms and stand-up comedians, this is what women want anyway. Pfffft!
BTW, Hendak doesn't appeal to me because he sounds like Ahnold (ick!). I like him because he's decisive and has few illusions about himself. He's also not adverse to asking others for help, as he seems to have little in the way of Pride (the bad Seven Deadly Sins one). 'Course, he also has less 'screen time' than the male NPCs, and I've always been partial to sidekicks and set characters.
As for Valygar, I kind of 'let him die' once I got into the sphere, he was driving me so nuts, so I didn't get to see what came after.
I could type more, if you'd like, but I can feel the gears clogging already. Let me know, and I'll see what I can dig up in a couple of days.
)
) I guess that Anomen was perhaps the best choice after all. But there´s one minus here: If I marry Anomen, I´ll end up being just like Keldorn´s wife!