Does clothing affect one's interactions and impressions with people?

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 3:43 pm

I just wanted to know, have you ever been manipulated by the opposite sex for attractive reasons? Well, as much as I hate to admit it I have, but it turned out it was for the best. My girlfriend (before she was my girlfriend) gave me vibes that I was a nerd. Ever since I had a crush on her, I wanted to impress her. So I had a few trips to Foot Locker and Dr. Jays (great stores to buy "cool" cloths) and I spent over 200 dollars (U.S. currency) on cloths. It may sound pretty stupid but I think it was worth it. Ever since I started wearing and acting "cool" I was actually noticed by "cool" and "popular" kids (she was one of them) and they wanted me to sit with them during lunch and stuff. Ever since then I was actually considered "popular".. After I was said to be "popular" I had the guts to ask my girlfriend out (remember she wasn't my gf before then

) hehe, sound like something you'd see on tv but what is life but a great long tv show?
So have any of you guys been changed by the opposite sex or changed by the motivation of being "cool"?

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 3:47 pm

DEN, I'm going to turn you over to Weasel for defenestration. Haven't we just gotten through a thread that showed men and women were identical in all that matters, including supposed "dominance?" Do we need to rehash all this again? If we do, why don't you post to that other thread?

Bah, and yet again, bah! I'm sorry for my language, but sir, you go too far!

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:00 pm

Fable is right, we have just had a thread on a topic like this, and exhaustive it became

However, it might be interesting to refocus your question to something like: Do you think the clothing you wear affects your interactions with people generally and the gender of your attraction specifically?

I have found this to be quite interestiong.. but I think it changes as you get older. When I gained much more confidence in myself, I discovered I could walk into a high end clothing shop and I would get treated with respect no matter what I was wearing. Previous to this, I could go into these places dressed to the nines.. and I would still recieve the snooty lookover.

I noticed parallel responses in people at a much more general level.

And from my own perception, I tend to be attracted by men who exude a quiet self-confidence (without being egomaniacs), while what they wear is of relatively small importance.

So in sum, I believe it is as much related to the attitude that you project.

Vicsun · Post by **Vicsun** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:14 pm

It's at times like these I miss the img code the most!

[QUOTE=Darc_Elv_Nyte]I wanted to impress her... I spent over $200 on clothes... And then I became cool[/QUOTE]

Not to hurt your feelings, but... you are a tool.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:40 pm

My son will be 10 in February.. so I have to say, I can see some of where DEN is coming from. It seems that in grade schools, at least, clothing, the games a kid plays, the things he or she likes, pretty much anything... very much determines "coolness." Equally affected are friendships, if a kid does not follow the norms he or she is an effective leper. It is really sad IMO...
My son will frequently make comments attesting to this... and I inevitably find myself saying, "Are they really that shallow?

I know that peer pressure has always been a significant part of social acceptance at schools... but it does seem to have gotten worse. Maybe it is the hugely expanded influence of media... I really do not know...

We try to instill in our son the philosophy of it is what resides inside that truly matters, but often it is an uphill battle... *sigh*

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:40 pm

sorry, i didnt realize there was a thread like this (i didnt intend on having the same meaning as the other thread, i just wanted to know if people think about their appearance and how other people react to it), could someone change the title to "Do you think the clothing you wear affects your interactions with people generally and the gender of your attraction specifically?" with out the quote please

THANK YOU!

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 4:49 pm

[QUOTE=Vicsun]Not to hurt your feelings, but... you are a tool.[/QUOTE]
Actually, I think that he was trying to manipulate her feelings by changing the way that he dresses.

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 5:16 pm

[QUOTE=fable]DEN, I'm going to turn you over to Weasel for defenestration. [/QUOTE]

I'm running low at the moment, thanks.

The added benefit of DEN being 'one of them there' heathens has no effect on his treatment.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 7:24 pm

[QUOTE=dragon wench]...and exhaustive it became

[/QUOTE]

Right you may be. Yoda. You seek Yoda.

asurademon · Post by **asurademon** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 7:45 pm

I've had the misfortune of dating some very dominating manipulative men (in a bad way), thanks to not being a very good judge of character when I was younger. As for which sex is more dominant and more manipulative, in my experience there's plenty of both among both genders. Unfortunately a lot of people are both, and in a very negative way, but certainly not all dominant people are particularly manipulative, and not all manipulative people are so in a way that's harmful. Mature ones know when it's appropriate to be dominant and when it's not, and how to be respectiful of others. And of course there are submissive people who are very manipulative as well, though in a way that means they are just toping from the bottom so to speak.
I know there are people whom think that it's never ok to be dominant or manipulative, but there really is a time and a place for everything.

As for does the way I dress influence people, well I do think regardless of whether people realize it or not their appearance does have an impact on people. I haven't had any of my significant others try to change how I dress, so certainly at least by them I haven't been manipulated in that manner. The only people that try to get me to dress differently are my parents, because we have such sharply contrasting taste.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 7:49 pm

@asurademon: Soooo...passive-aggressiveness is what I think you are referring to as one of the worst ways to manipulate. Passive-aggressive is indeed, to me, perhaps the worst mode of manipulation. I can tolerate and deal with an aggressive sort of person who tries to push their weight around more easily than the "seemingly submissive" passive-aggressive sort. While traditionally this sort of interaction has been attributed to females more often than males, in my experience I've seen enough of it in both sexes not to buy that stereotype.

asurademon · Post by **asurademon** » Sat Nov 06, 2004 7:58 pm

Hmm yes I think that passive agressive and topping from the bottom are probably different ways of saying the same thing. Anyways few men I've dated that I've really had issues with have been clearly very dominant manipulative types. I don't think "topping from the bottom" or passive agressiveness necessarily needs to be a bad thing, some people really are just that way, and it is who they are. However I think if that's naturally how a person is they need to be honest with themselves about it, and with their mates, so that the people they are being intimate with understand them, but at the same time they also need to be considerate of how their behavior affects the other person. They also need to find a mate whom can deal with, and hopefully even appreciate, that they are that way. After all there are people out there that like being dominant, and people out there whom like being submissive, so they just need to find a mate that can appreciate and respect that quality.

Vicsun · Post by **Vicsun** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 1:33 am

[QUOTE=VonDondu]Actually, I think that he was trying to manipulate her feelings by changing the way that he dresses.

[/QUOTE]
Either that or he was manipulated by the television to think that clothes define him as a person.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 1:51 am

Changed the topic title...

...hope that it's appropriate now.

IMHO, we must put ourselves into the context of which DEN is in. We all have our own take on this issue based on our age and culture...

...but if I were in DEN's shoes, then I think that it is normal that kids his age act that way... afterall these kids are highly impressionable.

...not to sound condescending but... it takes maturity to look beyond one's clothes and accessories.

What I think though, is that when parents come into the picture and talk about how to impress others (given the age group's penchant of putting premium in impressing others to feel that they belong to the "cool" group) through character formation, then chances are, the kid will shine with or without those cool paraphernalias.

A bit of concern though is the amount of money involved by some kids just to impress others.

Silur · Post by **Silur** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 6:32 am

[QUOTE=Maharlika]...not to sound condescending but... it takes maturity to look beyond one's clothes and accessories.
[/QUOTE]

The rest of us just settle for trying to peek beyond the clothes of others...

[QUOTE=Maharlika]
What I think though, is that when parents come into the picture and talk about how to impress others (given the age group's penchant of putting premium in impressing others to feel that they belong to the "cool" group) through character formation, then chances are, the kid will shine with or without those cool paraphernalias.[/QUOTE]

This is a difficult question, because on one hand if your kids dont have the latest attire they might end up being bullied by their peers, but on the other hand, the hype is such that the only ones gaining from it is the clothing industry. This is why I think school uniforms are a good idea, since it removes the pressure on the kids in one very large aspect of their lives and also in the environment where they are forced to endure the presence of the "cool" people.

My main problem with "cool" people, besides that they threw rocks at me when I was a kid, is that they're so incredibly conformative and rarely think for themselves. If you dont look like them, talk like them and agree with all the nonsense they put out, you aren't worth talking to. The peer pressure within the group is so intense that you spend most of the time worrying about how to fit in and keep your rank in the group.

I think you could have won the girl even without conforming to their norms. It would probably have taken longer and required more effort, but at the same time you would have found out if it was you or the clothes she fell for.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:17 am

So have any of you guys been changed by the opposite sex or changed by the motivation of being "cool"?

I haven't "been changed by the opposite sex" (you make it sound like you're transformed into a lawn ornament). But in any relationship, the tastes and opinions of each partner eventually affect the other quite a bit, unless the relationship is hopelessly skewed and unhealthy. Relationships are, after all, about sharing--not just about great sex. (Though I might have given the impression at some point that it was a lot about the latter.)

As for being cool, the question I would pose to you is: what group determines what is cool, or isn't cool? Every group, formed for whatever reason, regards itself and its choices as cool. The "popular" group are only popular with themselves; their standards only apply if you believe in them. The same applies to any other school or post-school clique you care to name. The main difference I've found as I've gotten further along in life is that groups tend more and more to reflect systems of values, rather than badges of style (which are, after all, driven my marketers who only want you to buy whatever is trendy for their financial bottom line). It's fine to go with style badges, now, like the latest approved pants and hair styles: just remember, they represent nothing more than the selections of a tiny few. And that once you move beyond school, they'll mean absolutely nothing. Pushing style badges will be like trying to repeatedly press a button in a deactivated elevator. The homecoming queen of my high school become an alcoholic with three kids, and went through a divorce. So much for being trendy, in the long run.

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:29 am

[QUOTE=Silur]I think you could have won the girl even without conforming to their norms. It would probably have taken longer and required more effort, but at the same time you would have found out if it was you or the clothes she fell for.[/QUOTE]

Actually, it was me she fell for (I asked her my self) it's just that the cloths (body spray, cologne and all that other stuff I bought) gave me the confidence to ask her out.

frogus23 · Post by **frogus23** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:36 am

No friend or girlfriend can make you dress up for them. Then you are a dancing show monkey, and thinking somebody is 'cool' because they dress like you is ****ing ****. People are thought of as cool because they dress like themselves, and changing yourself to fit in will get you respected by nobody but the most superficial and materialistic. Where's the gain?

As for people's perception of you depending on your clothes, of course they do. Wearing an item of clothing is an action just the same as any other. The question 'do clothes affect one's interaction and impressions with people' is like 'do the things you do and say affect your interaction and impressions with people'.

What you do and what you say is what you are, and dressing a particular way is as much doing something and expressing something as any other action.

" The Dolls, when they put on makeup, they were experimenting. First of all, they got the makeup from their girlfriend's pocketbooks and they did it to get even more girlfriends. It was a sex thing. "

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:38 am

[quote="Fable]The homecoming queen of my high school become an alcoholic with three kids"]

I know what you mean, most people think that if your are "cool","trendy", or "popular" (whatever your want to call it) you get everything you want in life. I know that isn't true and I can assure you I'm not one of them. I keep all my studies and homework ahead of everything else,
And if you recall, I said,
[quote="Darc_Elv_Nyte]My girlfriend (before she was my girlfriend) gave me vibes that I was a nerd.[/quote"]
I thought she thought I was a nerd because I was one of the smartest kids in the class... and I kind of dressed like a geek too, so when i did buy all those things, I felt I got more attention,and it felt pretty nice

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 10:01 am

[QUOTE=Darc_Elv_Nyte]I know what you mean, most people think that if your are "cool","trendy", or "popular" (whatever your want to call it) you get everything you want in life. I know that isn't true and I can assure you I'm not one of them. I keep all my studies and homework ahead of everything else.[/quote]

DEN, I'm not referring to that. I just want to suggest you keep in mind the tenuousness of all such cliques formed on a basis of style and trends. Since the cliques are dictated by market pressures instead of genuine similarities of interest, they tend to draw together people who are impressed by style, rather than substance. That's okay; there's nothing wrong with being part of that. As long as you remember it's all a charade. If you forget that, if you invest value in the results, you'll lose in the end.