help that God may only be able to give, but i'll seek it here anyways...

dark_raven · Post by **dark_raven** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 6:52 pm

alright, i'm 17 (that may be important).

my ex-girlfriend is still in love with me. i have feelings towards her as-well. i want her back but i don't want to lose the girl i'm with now. i will not cheat on either one of them because they are like the best of friends.

the way/reason of me and my ex's break up:
i was with her for about a year then i remembered a preveous relation and the tragic ending of it (which ended with her comitting suiside because i was to overly obsesed and wouldn't give her any space) and realised that mine and my ex's relationship was heading that direction. so i broke up out of fear and have now realized it was a mistake in a way.

i wish to have my ex back, but i love my current girlfriend just as much as i love my ex (which may be a bad thing...) they both love me very very much.

i feel my heart being torn in 2. what should i do?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 7:27 pm

The only solution I see if you love both and want to have a romatic and sexual relationship to both, is that you asked them what they would think about having a polygamic relationship. Of course you must grant them access to other partners as well, then.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 7:35 pm

I can see CE's suggestion working, but before you put this question to 'em, make sure it's not the sort of thing that will squick 'em out. Polygamy and polyandry provoke extreme reactions in many people, simply because the concept is foreign to them. You might want to consider whether it's something you can live with, too.

dark_raven · Post by **dark_raven** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 7:36 pm

[QUOTE=C Elegans]The only solution I see if you love both and want to have a romatic and sexual relationship to both, is that you asked them what they would think about having a polygamic relationship. Of course you must grant them access to other partners as well, then.[/QUOTE]
and in doing that i sin towards Jesus and may have my emortal soul condemed to hell forever

... thanx for the advise, but i'll pass

lol

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 7:38 pm

[QUOTE=dark_raven]and in doing that i sin towards Jesus and may have my emortal soul condemed to hell forever

... thanx for the advise, but i'll pass

lol[/QUOTE]

Er...why? You do know that the old testament is filled with instances of men having many concubines, and slaves? Yet I'm sure slavery is something you wouldn't condone. Where does it say in the bible that polygamy is evil? And if it did so, in the spirit of slavery, wouldn't you want to reconsider the issue?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 7:48 pm

[QUOTE=dark_raven]and in doing that i sin towards Jesus and may have my emortal soul condemed to hell forever

... thanx for the advise, but i'll pass

lol[/QUOTE]

If you really think this is against your religious beliefs, check the bible first, but in any case: polyamoure excluded you will have to choose, and if you love them both equally much, you will have to consider if you love one more like a friend than the other, if you feel mentally closer to one than the other, if you feel more attracted physically to one than the other, etc, etc.

dark_raven · Post by **dark_raven** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 8:51 pm

<Genesis 2:24 says "that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one.">

it dosn't say that a man leaves his father and mothers nor does it say that he is united with his wives thus, one wife. so thanx for the advice, but like i said before, i'll pass on it.

any other advice would be welcomed

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:12 pm

I actually think the idea of an open relationship with the two girls is a good one.. but I understand if you don't want to venture there

And truthfully, even if you were inclined to go that route, it could become very complicated. Even amongst the most accepting and liberal-minded people... human jealousy can still raise its nasty head.... So IMO it could be chancy. Of course that can also be said of most relationships...

To topic though... this sounds like a *really* tough place to be. Is there any way for you to explore this at all? Do the girls know of the situation? I'm guesing they may if they are close friends.... So it may benefit all concerned if you had an open and honest discussion.... I can't see any immediate solutions to your problem, but maybe if you can find a way to work through the thorns a path will present itself...

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:19 pm

Without going into the religious part.

Life is a path of decisions without a reset button. Looking back and thinking how it could've been will only lead to sadness.

(Hint)Ask yourself if your not looking back at this very moment.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:22 pm

[QUOTE=dark_raven]<Genesis 2:24 says "that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one.">

it dosn't say that a man leaves his father and mothers nor does it say that he is united with his wives thus, one wife. so thanx for the advice, but like i said before, i'll pass on it.

any other advice would be welcomed[/QUOTE]

Then check out Zen Weasel's advice: make a choice, and move along through time with it. If polygamy shocks you, the answer is to pick one, or the other. You know them far better than us.

And good luck.

dark_raven · Post by **dark_raven** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:31 pm

somthing good, but quite shocking... my ex just called me and said she found herself another boyfriend! thoe she still loves me, she said she knew she couldn't put me through this situation and she was going to try to let me go! that has just salved the problem of me having to choose between them. but i me and my ex still have fealings for eachother, i just hope that our feelings to eachother don't screw up our present relationships.

thanx all for the imput!
-ÐR

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:38 pm

[QUOTE=dark_raven]but i me and my ex still have fealings for eachother, i just hope that our feelings to eachother don't screw up our present relationships.

thanx all for the imput!
-ÐR[/QUOTE]

Know the line and don't cross it.

Zen Weasel also says, We Accept Donations.

No they are not tax write off either.

dark_raven · Post by **dark_raven** » Sun Nov 07, 2004 9:40 pm

[QUOTE=Weasel]Zen Weasel also says, We Accept Donations.

[/QUOTE]

thats funny, so am i!

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 5:56 pm

[QUOTE=dark_raven]somthing good, but quite shocking... my ex just called me and said she found herself another boyfriend! thoe she still loves me, she said she knew she couldn't put me through this situation and she was going to try to let me go![/color][/QUOTE]

Excellent, now you and your ex needs to transform your love into friendship unless you want a 4-person crossover polyamore relationship!

fable · Post by **fable** » Mon Nov 08, 2004 6:06 pm

[QUOTE=C Elegans]Excellent, now you and your ex needs to transform your love into friendship unless you want a 4-person crossover polyamore relationship!

[/QUOTE]

...And if you decide to pursue that, who knows: even if you feel it harms your religion, you could always try starting a new one.

asurademon · Post by **asurademon** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 9:07 pm

I don't really know what advice to give in this situation, except don't stop being concerned for the feelings of both girls in whatever choice you make. As for polygamous relationships, I have nothing against them, but even if your religious beliefs didn't dictate against them I think that they demand a lot of responsibility (not to say that monogomous relationships don't) but with polygamous relationships you have to be extra-careful you aren't involved with a person with jealous tendencies. Also theirs the social stigma of such relasionships, as well as STDs, which are a concern in monogamous relationships, and I can only imagine when one is dealing with having a sexual relationship with more than one person that everyone involved must be even more carefull. Those things and the fact that it seems like being with more than one person would be more energy consuming than being with one (though I suppose this greatly depends on what the people you are with are like), which to me sounds really draining, have been what have kept me from being polygamous so far. I do think that that some people have a natural tendency to be polygamous and some to be monogamous, though what exactly makes a person that way I'm not sure, since I haven't really studied the subject (anyone who has care to enlighten me?).

fable · Post by **fable** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 9:50 pm

@Asurademon, read down before you post. He's already gotten matters resolved thanks to one of the girls giving the "I'd like to just be friends" speech.

dark_raven · Post by **dark_raven** » Tue Nov 09, 2004 11:55 pm

@Asurademon, thanx for giving thought to the issue...

@fable, just to inform you... the "just wanna be friends" speech was more on the lines of an "i don't wanna compeat with my best friend over you" speech

. for you see, she still wants me but she doesn't want to compeat over me with one of her best friends.

and @ everyone who posted their thoughts:

thankyou. your support in the matter was appreceated.

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Wed Nov 10, 2004 2:13 am

[QUOTE=C Elegans]The only solution I see if you love both and want to have a romatic and sexual relationship to both, is that you asked them what they would think about having a polygamic relationship. Of course you must grant them access to other partners as well, then.[/QUOTE]

Uh... Sorry CE, but I don't think that's a good idea. Thinking that everything is free and acceptable, and this "take what you want" way of thinking is exactly what makes this world as it is, imho... (no offense meant, though)

You'll have to make up your mind, Raven, and choose one of them. It's pretty hard, I know, since you love them both... Where to begin,then? I say be honest with them and tell them that you have them both in your heart - you can be sure that one of them (if not both) will find it unbearable and will make the decision for you... I hope you'll be able to deal with this situation wisely - good luck, and be straight and honest. That's the only way to sort this out, I say.

fable · Post by **fable** » Wed Nov 10, 2004 6:33 am

[QUOTE=dark_raven]@fable, just to inform you... the "just wanna be friends" speech was more on the lines of an "i don't wanna compeat with my best friend over you" speech

. for you see, she still wants me but she doesn't want to compeat over me with one of her best friends. [/QUOTE]

@Dark Raven, often the "I don't wanna compete with somone else for you" speech is the "let's just be friends because I'm uninterested" speech translated into the NICE language. Whether this is true in your case or not, lies between you and your ego.