Joke thread

Spikey_Creature · Post by **Spikey_Creature** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 6:32 am

If people can have riddle threads i thought id start me a joke thread! I'll start with a joke and u guys can hopefully contribute with some of your own
so here goes!

A rabbit and bear find a magic lamp . they each get 3 wishes so the bear goes first and asks that all the bears in the forest were female ecept him, the rabbit then asks for a helmet, the bears second wish is that all the bears in the country were female except him, the rabbit then asks for a harley davidson, the bears final wish is that all the bears in the world were female except him, then with a big grin the rabbit wishes that the bear was gay, he jumps on his harley davidson, puts on his helmet and rides away with a big grin on his face

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 7:27 am

- What's 8 hobbits together?
- A hobbyte!

And one more:

Yeltsu · Post by **Yeltsu** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 8:25 am

Two cows were standing in a field, when one of them suddenly said "Mooooooo"
"Funny" said the other one, "I was just thinking the same thing"

ik911 · Post by **ik911** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:55 am

Hahahaha

(Don't look at me like that! It's relevant spam, okay?!)

Venoms · Post by **Venoms** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:57 am

What do you call a hindu man who see everything and been everywhere?

Binder Dundat!

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:58 am

[QUOTE=ik911]Hahahaha

(Don't look at me like that! It's relevant spam, okay?!)[/QUOTE]

The best one so far!

Locke Da'averan · Post by **Locke Da'averan** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 12:54 pm

what do you call a teenager with a violent streak and suffers a chronic-backstabbing-disorder??

-IM

sorry couldn't help myself..

man walked into a bar and noticed there was a horse standing in the corner drinking coke next to a jar.. noticing the man's baffled expression the bartender told him that for 20$ he could try to make the horse laugh and if he'd succeed he'd get all the money that was placed on the jar... the bartender told the man that so far no-one had been able to make the horse laugh and many had tried.. well the man putted his 20bucks in the jar and whispered something to the horses ear and the horse started laughing uncontrollably almost choking on his coke... the man took the money and left the bar..

several weeks later the man returned to the bar and the horse was still there in the corner, but now it was still laughing/giggling by himself all the time.. the bartender recognized the man and said that now the bet is if anyone can make the horse cry since it hasn't stopped laughing after the guys last visit. well there was quite alot money in the jar and the man again placed his 20bucks in there and went over to the horse, and suddenly the horse started sobbing and then openly crying without a break.. again the man gathered the money and was taking his leave when the bartender winked him over. "i'll give you a drink if you tell me how you did it the both times".. well the man gulped his drink and said "the first time i whispered that i had bigger ("it") than he did, and the second time i showed him"..

yeah it was quite long and old, i just hope someone finds it even remotely funny..

i have another one. where does a 500kg(1000lbs)gorilla sit?
-anywhere it wants.. ha.. ha.. yes that's the lamest joke i know/have ever heard.. atleast this one was shorter..

Grimar · Post by **Grimar** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:12 pm

The lamest joke i've heard is:
Last year i travelled around the world, so this year i will try something new

moltovir · Post by **moltovir** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:14 pm

If we're going on the lame joke tour...

Why doesn't the pope want to be buried?

Grimar · Post by **Grimar** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:18 pm

Dont know

Why?(and what's a pope??

)

moltovir · Post by **moltovir** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:21 pm

Because he isn't dead yet

(lame, I know)

(the Pope, also known as the Holy Father, is the old mumbling man in the Vatican who occasionly writes a letter or two and seems to be against everything that makes this world a less evil place)

Grimar · Post by **Grimar** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:24 pm

good one

ik911 · Post by **ik911** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:29 pm

The following joke was told to me in Primary school, and some kinds (a few) actually laughed. There's really no joke in the world lamer than this one:
It's purple and green and flies around the church...
Jesus in jogging suit.

So let's quit the lame jokes then, and post some nice ones, or I'll post another one like this.

Locke Da'averan · Post by **Locke Da'averan** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:31 pm

just remember another one..

a woman has given birth to a baby.. it was taken away for awhile to be cleaned up and then a doctor comes into the womans room with the baby in his hands.. just as he is giving the baby away he leaps back, takes a hold by the babys feet and start whirling "it" around the room at an accelerating speed.. the baby's head hits the walls the cupboard and numerous other objects and the mother is so shocked she can't even scream.. then suddenly the doctor throws the baby in the air and kicks it mid air right outside the open window from the 5th floor.. and turns to face the absolutely horrified/shocked mother of the baby who tries to get away from the doctor by grasping everything she can.. then the doctor gives away a big smile and says: "gotcha, the baby was already dead!"

most women don't see any humour in it at all..

arno_v · Post by **arno_v** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:53 pm

Nice one Locke!

Erm... I think I should post a joke myself now... Else you think this will be spam...

A man with a frog on his head visits a docter. The doctor asks "What's wrong?" Then the frog said "It started with a spot on my butt"

Hmm a bit lame, I know.

Spikey_Creature · Post by **Spikey_Creature** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 5:21 pm

I've got a couple of lame ones, and a couple of quite "naughty ones" (but i wont tell u them since i wanna keep this clean)

Lame 1 - How do u get pikachu on a bus
POK EM ON (poke him on)

Lame 2 - Why was Ash Ketchum (pokemon guy) arrested?
He kept asking girls "can i have a pikatchu" (peek at u)

Slightly Normaler
A boy named billy gets picked on every day by 2 older meaner kids, they tease him saying he's stupid, and to prove it every week they find him at the local shopping mall and they as him, which one do u want and they show him 50C and dollar, and he always takes the 50c, they tease him saying he takes it cause its bigger (note here is aus the 50c silver coin is bigger then the gold 1 dollar coin) the store klerk goes up to billy and asks, why do u keep taking the 50c, and billy says, "well if i take the dollar then there gonna stop!!"

GFreeman · Post by **GFreeman** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 5:37 pm

What do you call a bird that flies by the ocean?

- Bay-gull

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 5:49 pm

hmm... i'm not sure if this is a bit too absurd, if it is, someone pease tell me right away so i may edit

4 men (Pilot, Co-Pilot, and 2 Passengers) are in a jet headed for some where in South America. As they were going,the plane's engine exploded and they crash landed on a tropical island. As they gained conciousness, they were captured by a cannabilistic tribe. Surprisingly the tribe new of some english. So the Chief asked them of their favorite fruit in the world. The Pilot said grapes. The Co-Pilot said Bannanas. The 1st Passenger says strawberries and the 2nd passenger said Watermelon. The tribe gathered the fruits. The chief told the men to shove the fruit they said was their favorite up there "behind". The Pilot started crying when he did so. The Co-Pilot sobbed. But the 1st Passenger started laughing when he shoved. The Chief asked why he was laughing. He replied, because the other guys gonna shove a watermelon up his "behind"

Spikey_Creature · Post by **Spikey_Creature** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:01 pm

that jokes fine

Im surprised i havent seen any blonde jokes yet so ill put one in

a brunette, a blonde and a red head were running from the cops when the saw a barn with 3 piles of sacks so they thought they'd hide in them, the cops came in and poked the first pile, the brunette said "woof woof" so they thought it was a dog and went on the red head said "baaa baaa" they thought it was a sheep and moved on, then lastly the blonde said "potato potato"

Ideal Maxima · Post by **Ideal Maxima** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 9:21 pm

i don't get it