Nice twist with the dream, GL.
I've got two suggestions, though.
1) Try not to display yourself as unbeatable and as the supreme warrior who will prevail over anyone in due time.
2) I'm really not that hate-carrying and over-protected as you picture me to be.
Nice one, I agree with Sytze though. Also you don't need to explain everything to us, the readers of the story knows by now that stan was a gladiator, and haven't had much education (for example)
You should also go through the part looking for spelling errors, there are a few, you did once call duncan for suncan and things like that. nothing serious, but spelling mistakes disrupt the flow of the story.
[QUOTE=Yeltsu]Nice one, I agree with Sytze though. Also you don't need to explain everything to us, the readers of the story knows by now that stan was a gladiator, and haven't had much education (for example)
You should also go through the part looking for spelling errors, there are a few, you did once call duncan for suncan and things like that. nothing serious, but spelling mistakes disrupt the flow of the story.[/QUOTE]
Those are key stroke errors. I don't make spelling errors. Anyway, I am going to redo the whole thing, so don't worry.
Allright, there goes the part. It's ready, so enjoy.
I would like to point out for anyone who might take offense that, amusingly enough, making my guy sacrifice himself was originally Yeltsu's idea, but since he never went, I used it. I hope he doesn't mind.
Anyway, I had, frankly, nothing else to write about. I could have done another "Villains out of nowhere" part, but that would have been boring by now.
yes he could be pictured as a med grasshopper = to human size. if some wants to bring me in somewhere its fine, or if they already did its fine. i just need to read the whole story to make a good addition. it might be a few weeks before i can get around to posting a section. yes 1year for the thri-kreen = 3 human years. so he wouldnt be "youngest" persay.
Zombies are not real! The Government is still doin Human trails!
Have you ever wondered why, in a dream you can touch a falling sky? Or fly to the heavens that watch over you. - Godsmack
[QUOTE=Sytze]Am I the only one who kind of objects to this weird personality who's suddenly tossed in the middle of our (fairly) normal party and story?[/QUOTE]
I can't say I am entirely in favor, but that's just because he is younger than my guy. Otherwise, it's normal to pick up other adventurers as we go along, though i do think that picking up an insect, even for open-minded humans, is pushing the limits of realism.
Come to think of it, it makes absolutely no sense. On the other hand, I would hate to have had a big "NO" handed to me when I wanted to make my guy a were-Liger for another story. Still, of Demortis absolutely MUST be Thri-Kreen, then so be it, but otherwise, something more common, yet still exotic, like an Elf or some rare humanoid race, would be fine, I think.
That's what I mean. We've got a normal party, but suddenly a huge bug joins the show. We're having a, to me, pretty high realism level so far and letting an insect join the party kinda messes that up.