Divorce and Individualism

Darth Zenemij · Post by **Darth Zenemij** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 7:40 pm

Time will tell Ariona,Marrige dose kinda suck...

Ariona · Post by **Ariona** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 9:30 pm

Thanks for your encouragement, DW! I wish 'hurt' was the word. At that exact moment, there wasn't a word in Webster's Dictionary that could describe what I was feeling at the time. Needless to say, I threw the hoochie out the front door (without her clothes) and locked the door. Then I gave him an ass-chewing of astronomical proportions. The next morning, I filed. I promised myself that I would not get caught in the vicious cycle that most women seem to get themselves into...the hunches, the suspicions, etc. Even though it still hurts to a degree, I won't exactly rule out a second marriage...although the guy would have to be pretty special to make me consider it again. I'm 31 now and a survivor. There IS life after divorce.

[QUOTE=dragon wench]@Ariona...
Oh my God.... I can barely imagine how devastating that must have been..
That he threw it into your face like that is appalling. I guess, in some ways, it might have been easier than enduring the hunches and suspicians that people often go through, in that you were not spending an extended period of time tormented by speculation, but in other ways I'm not sure I can really imagine something more hurtful....[/QUOTE]

Ariona · Post by **Ariona** » Tue Mar 08, 2005 9:34 pm

Thank you, DZ! I am not ruling anything out at this point. Who knows? If the right man comes along...

Marriage is not 50%/50%...it is 100%/100%!

[QUOTE=Darth Zenemij]Time will tell Ariona,Marrige dose kinda suck...[/QUOTE]

CM · Post by CM » Thu Mar 10, 2005 9:30 am

Ok before i comment on the large amount of posts here, i wanted to say that cheating and abuse are fair grounds for a divorce. I never stated that divorce is a bad thing. In many cases it is the best thing for a person. However a 50% divorce rate is not based on 50% of the population being abusive or cheating. I would be surprised if it is 10%. Regardless I am sorry Ariona if this topic struck a bad nerve. That not the intent of the post. Also I personally would have killed the individual.

Now on to the posts one by one. I apologise for the delay.

Now Giles everybody knows BS is mine and will always be mine. So no gossiping ok?

I agree divorce is rife and its not a good thing, but that is not the fault of marriage as an institution or that marriage itself is unimportant or has lost its value. Its because people get married to early and too quickly on dumb notions such as love and the like. Everybody has the right to get married even homosexuals. I support their claim even though it is against my religion. It is after all a civil government sanctioned action. I don't see marriage as a religious institution rather a social one.

Luis i never stated that divorce is a bad thing. But the frequency at which it is employed to handle very small issues is amazing. I see divorce as a necessary evil, Islam allows for divorce but also prescribes that it should be a last resort. I don't see Divorce as a last resort. I see it as a necessary evil which is in many ways required esp in my male dominated society. Women are abused they should have a way out. But however that is not an excuse for people to take stupid decisions and rush into marriage.

My basic point is that people take marriage lightly due to the high rate of divorce and its general acceptance. Secondly i state that to the individualistic nature of society people are far more prone to undertake a divorce in todays society as a way to rid themselves of a problem they rather not have the maturity and common sense to deal with.

Life is about compromise. Marriage is a big part of that. However i have seen many people getting a divorce because they don't want to compromise and learn to live with someone else or do things even if they don't want to because someone else asks for it.

Cuchulain82 I wouldn't consider marriage to be a religious institution anymore in most societies. Even muslim ones. It is very much a social one. I will first comment on your second para. The phrase selfish came to mind many times when i was typing that first post. However i refrained from posting it as i did not want to be seen as making a judgement on a society i have only lived in for the past 7 years. I have already been accused in the past of giving a pro-tilt to the muslim mode of thinking and as they say once bitten twice shy.

However if we are talking of all societies and not just western society then i agree people are far more selfish today then they were say 10 years. Due to that selfishness directly linked with the sense of individualism (i was using that phrase instead of selfish) has led to a really large increase in divorce rates because people don't want to compromise within a marriage.

I have no problem with individual rights as long as they do not deter the general good of society. I am very much pro limiting freedom of speech if that includes racists thoughts and hate speech. The general good of society and the collective must be maintained above the rights of the individual.

Ik911 and everybody else i am extremely baffled as why people see marriage as a religious institution. I mean i doubt any of you would see Murder as a religious law. Even though it is part of the 10 commandments and thus a religious law which as become something codified into a secular system. The same with marriage. Once a religious institution but honestly in western society it has lost much of its religious weight over the past 50 years.

BS I actually agree with you. People are rushing into it and its not a good thing. They don't think about it don't do anything logical, feel love will conquer all and refuse to compromise with their chosen partner. I mean how dumb are people really? Marriage should be carefully thought out and then gotten into and once you are there make sure it works. People in my opinion consider divorce far to quickly for it to be normal. I mean you can't have 50% of all the marriage suck because the institution is failing. It is a failure on part of the people that get married and their selfish nature and no desire to compromise.

The two people leave their families, join together, and make a new family. Therefore anything that jeopardizes that, IMO, is disrupting the family.

My last post in response to this for now. I will try to respond later on when i can some time today. I agree with that completely. As BS said the children suffer as do the parents. If the situation is abusive end it. That is what divorce was intended for in my humble opinion. Not a quick fix to a problem where you don't want to compromise and have your way all the time.

Now enough of my ramblings and back to rambling at work.

fable · Post by **fable** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 9:55 am

Marriage is a touchstone made by two people. It is what they make of it, over time. Obviously, societies stand to gain from the stability of longterm nuclear family relationships, but whether these exist as marriages or not is entirely up to the people involved. Personally, I'd rather see an unmarried couple together for thirty years who cherish their relationship, than a couple for whom "the bonds of holy matrimony" have become lead chains.

When marriage was viewed as holy, both by the participants and society in general, people took it more seriously. This didn't mean they enjoyed it more; perhaps they enjoyed it less, for having to sustain what they disliked. Many people no doubt ignored their marriage ties on the quiet, but there will never be a history of this, since by its nature, these things were hushed up wherever possible.

It was inevitable that in a secular society that worships unending entertainment, marriage would increasingly be seen as the celebration of a new, expensive purchase. But when the bloom wears off, you're encouraged to trade in your old car for a new one; and when that marriage no longer brings instant gratification and requires some work, Johnny or Jane either gets a divorce and changes partners, or starts ignoring the marriage and changes partners, anyway. This certainly isn't the reason all divorces occur, but I think a lot of this is due to emotional immaturity and lack of personal responsibility on the part of at least one partner. (The other partner can at the least be faulted for going into things leading with their heart alone.) Nobody is around to hold the couple together, so there's no outside incentive to solving problems. I think setting some ground rules at the beginning, either openly or tacitly, makes good sense, but the people who seem to most need these are just the ones who haven't the slightest idea of using them.

Ariona · Post by **Ariona** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 2:13 pm

Thanks for your consideration, CM...however, I am fine with it now. I have survived and am looking forward to at least having a long-term relationship with my new love interest. He definitely seems and acts more mature, understanding, and mentally stable than my ex. About 5 years ago, I would've labeled this topic as 'striking a nerve'...but not now. Life goes on and gets better from here!

[QUOTE=CM]Ok before i comment on the large amount of posts here, i wanted to say that cheating and abuse are fair grounds for a divorce. I never stated that divorce is a bad thing. In many cases it is the best thing for a person. However a 50% divorce rate is not based on 50% of the population being abusive or cheating. I would be surprised if it is 10%. Regardless I am sorry Ariona if this topic struck a bad nerve. That not the intent of the post. Also I personally would have killed the individual.[/QUOTE]