@Scayde: Since I believe you and I are very different persons, I will post my advice just to offer a really "meta", outside, perspective. I know nothing about you nor this guy you have met, so my advice will be based on my general opinions about relationships, both as a shrink and as a private person (my professional opinions tend to be leaner than my private opinions, but they coincide in principle).
My advice is based on:
1.
Never assume that a person will change. If you want to committ to him, it must be in his present form. That doesn't mean you wouldn't appreciate positive development, but potential future changes must be viewed as a
bonus, not a
prerequisite. You must accept, love and want this man exactly as he is now - otherwise, don't committ. Keep it as an "entertainment" relationship or a more short term relationship.
2.
Don't expect anything to grow better than it is now. Perhaps it will, but there is no guarantee, and certain things like passion and sexual energy is more likely to decrease over long time than to increase.
3.
Do you want to get what you want, or are you happy with getting only part of what you want. This is a question only you can answer.
[QUOTE=Scayde]
Everything should be perfect....but...out of the bedroom, he is more like a pal He said the most important thing is that we be ’best friends’. I tend to agree. We can talk openly about anything and everything. We are on par theologically, Politically, fiscally...right down the line..... [/quote]
I think long-term relationships can be based both on the "best-friend" concept, and on a more "pure sexual" type of relationship, and whereas the friendship based relationships certainly have better odds for lasting longer, we must also ask ourselves what type of relationship we want to have. For me, I don't mind being friends, but none of my partners have ever been my best friends - I already have many friends, it's not a best friend but a lover I am looking for in a partner. Longevity in a relationship is not an eigenvalue - it is nice and well, but it does not overshadow other qualities.
I have no idea whether you are like me or not in this regard, I just wish to point out that you must ask yourself what you really want and value in a partner relationship.
[quote="Scayde]He says I am who he wants to spend the second half of his life with...needless to say"]
I think it is important for you to decide whether your relationship must be very long term and serious (like marriage, moving together, plan a common future) or if it can be at a "just for fun"-level. Does he literally mean marriage and spending the rest of his life with you, or is this a figure of speach to express his feelings for you? If you don't know, try to ask him and clearly state that both alternative interpretations are totally acceptable in your eyes so you are sure he replies honestly and not in a way he thinks you want to hear. Also of course, you must answer this question yourself.
If possible, I think you should try to gather more data
before making any decisions. That is, try to find out what options you have with this man.
[quote="Scayde]He talks in terms of forever. Sounds good"]
If he has less sexual energy than you and is less emotional, that will not change unless he is currently
inhibited by something like I describe below in my comment to Frogus. I think you should try to find out what the underlying cause of his lower sexual and emotional activity level is. I think you should discuss it with him, but discussion may not be enough since it is very possible he doesn't know himself. One good marker you can use is his sexual behaviour in general. Is he easily aroused? Does he seldom say no to sex? Does he behave in an disinhibited and creative way in bed? Does he enjoy giving you pleasure? Does he have a positive attitude when you introduce new things in your sex life? If you answer all those question with yes, I am pretty sure he is not inhibited, but probably just have a lower activation level than you have.
[quote="Macleod]
If your only worried about his sexual energy try the following"]
Personally I think this is horrible advice, because it is based on manipulating your partner without him knowing you even view this as a problem. Whereas it may be a nice sociopsychological experiment to figure out whether it is actually lack of sexual energy or merely lack of initiative, I think you should simply speak to him rather than play games with him. Together with hope of future change, game playing is the single most destructive factors in couple relationships.
[quote="Frogus]
I think that sexual energy is something that can develop.[/quote"]
During the first year or so perhaps, and only if the lack of energy is dependent of inhibition due to fear of rejection, habits, images regarding gender roles or other prejudices - in short, only if the lack of energy is due to something superficial and non-genuine in the person. Otherwise I disagree.
As you might have figured out by now, if I were in your situation as you describe it in your post, I would not committ myself longterm to this relationship.
