Dating suggestions

Rob-hin · Post by **Rob-hin** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 5:27 am

Ok, here's the situation.
After a couple of dates with the typical dating trips; bar, movie, you know it. I'm running low on nice idea's of things to do.

We should go picknicking tomorrow but weather has taken a turn for the worst and I'm looking for new idea's of things to do.

So, what do you think are fun things to do on a date?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 6:19 am

It was a long time ago I was last "dating", but personally, I never like the typical "dating" situations simply because most of them - movies, bars, clubs etc - are not really very suitable when you want to learn to know a new person and investigate whether you are attracted to that person.

I like to do things that neither have tried before. It's fun, and it gives you a good opportunity to study the other person's behavioural patterns

If weather is nice, rent a kayak or a pair of rollerblades or a mountain bike, or take one of those cheap "try rock climbing/paragliding/horseriding/whatever"-lessions together. The point is it should be some activitiy neither of you usually do. If whether is bad, go see some controversial art or culture exhibition. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, but choosing something controversial will give you something to dicuss, at the same time as providing an opportunity for you do explore each others opinions and value systems. You can also just stay at home and make out and have sex, of course

fable · Post by **fable** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 6:44 am

I feel that learning about the person you're with should never be a process that stops--"dating" situations should remain available throughout life. It's just that, like CE, I don't think these need be traditional dates, at all. Try venues and situations that get you both talking: so movies don't really do that, but galleries do, or museums. Try some participant sport, but not something where there's a considerable level of skill difference. You don't want either of you to look especially bad. What about some local festival? Is there a fruit-picking farm in your area, that allows people to harvest as many strawberries, or peaches, or blackberries, etc, as they want? Or a touring show coming to town? Not a music show, but the kind that appears in one of those convention centers that looks like a mushroom on steroids. Place the two of you, in other words, in situations, challenging and otherwise, that allows the exchange of opinions.

And I wholeheartedly agree with the suggestion about staying in and having sex. Provided you use it to communicate and no engage in mutual masturbation (which is also fun), you can learn a lot about your partner, that way.

Luis Antonio · Post by **Luis Antonio** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 6:57 am

[QUOTE=Rob-hin]
So, what do you think are fun things to do on a date?

[/QUOTE]

Rappel is a good alternative option. Of course, discuss that with her first

If both of you believe in the same religion, some event the church has may be interesting to know more of the girl.

Anyway, Rob hin hin, I guess you should go to the usuall dating stuff first (movies, restaurants, and stuff) before attempting something different. She'll sure apreciate your concern if you open the question to her too (tell her you've been looking for a cool thing that you guys could do together).

Cuchulain82 · Post by **Cuchulain82** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 7:14 am

I've had nothing but bad luck trying to plan dates- the best I can usually do with an elaborate plan is break even. Do you live in an urban area Rob, or rural? Are you the outdoorsy type, or not? My advice is to do something that you like or that you want to try. It depends alot on the girl, but I've found that girls usually respond well when you show them something you like (and it helps if it makes you look like a stud too- like rockclimbing, as has been mentioned).

Rob-hin · Post by **Rob-hin** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 7:21 am

[QUOTE=C Elegans]You can also just stay at home and make out and have sex, of course

[/QUOTE]

I thought this was the greater goal that dating should lead to?

Well we did a couple of dates and it the time to find something original is right.

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:11 am

If you can cook, cook the girl dinner and talk to her. From what I've experienced, a lot of women love seeing that a guy can actually cook a nice meal himself, took the effort to do so for her, and can engage in some interesting conversation as well.

If you aren't averse to doing things spontaneously and outdoors, just take a drive out to somewhere and walk with her and talk. Or if you don't drive, just wander around somewhere nearby and talk.

Oh, and when I say "talk" I mean "listen" as well.

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:53 am

[QUOTE=Rob-hin]I thought this was the greater goal that dating should lead to?

[/QUOTE]
Men

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 9:10 am

I enjoy traveling. When I was younger, I found that being away from home for a limited period of time created a sense of urgency and excitement because I wanted to "do it all" and "get the most out of it". Being away from home also gave me the chance to be who I wanted to be and do as I pleased. Meeting new people under those circumstances resulted in some very intense experiences. It's kind of silly in hindsight, but we ended up feeling as if we "had known each other all of our lives".

I don't know if you could recreate experiences like that at home, but sometimes I like to treat the city I live in as a place I've never been to before. What would I do here if I were visiting for a short period of time and wanted to see the highlights? I think it's fun to be a tourist in my hometown. It gives you a new way of looking at familiar things. If you combine that sort of experience with a new relationship, that might create some intense and interesting experiences.

However, be aware that some people are uncomfortable if a relationship becomes too intense too quickly. If that's the case, then slow it down and be more casual.

I like to go to parks and feed the squirrels and ducks. A bag of apples is pretty cheap, but it can offer hours of enjoyment. If the weather's too hot, you could stay home and make crank calls--I used to do that with my first boyfriend.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 9:55 am

I would have suggested some of the things that have already been mentioned. Things like outdoorsy stuff if you are in a rural area, or gallaries if you are in a more urban setting.

But, since that has been said, I'd like to add a slight twist on an old theme. One of my favourite things to do with my SO if neither of us feels up to much exertion is to see an early showing of a controversial/artsy movie, and then coming home and making a latish dinner together. Cooking together can be a lot of fun, and while you are chopping, slicing and dicing you can discuss the various points of the movie

Rob-hin · Post by **Rob-hin** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 9:57 am

[QUOTE=Brynn]Men

[/QUOTE]

Hey! A woman brought this up, not a man.

@Von
That is indead the case, we take it slow.
She is a very nice girl and after a couple of dates we're looking for that 'click'.
Perhaps it's because she's a bit older then me. I'm 24 (and 2 days, yay!

)and she's 28.

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 4:02 pm

[QUOTE=Rob-hin]Perhaps it's because she's a bit older then me. I'm 24 (and 2 days, yay!

)and she's 28.[/QUOTE]
Here's an early happy birthday.

I don't think an age difference like that is important in itself. Personal qualities make more difference. My boyfriend is seven years younger than I am, and it's not really an issue.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Tue Jul 05, 2005 6:57 pm

Good suggestions in this thread for you, Rob-hin. Since I consider dating an opportunity to get the know the other person more deeply (and as fable states, this opportunity never ends, really, no matter how involved the relationship becomes), you'll want to engage in activities which encourage that. Bed sports are a fringe benefit of this process...

...but in my experience, the shortest-lived and most ill-fated relationships were in actuality nothing more than a quest for the sheets (and often on both parts, not just the goal of one person alone). Don't get me wrong, that has its place, but in time that sort of common ground becomes...well, too common, and people move on. Better to have non-sexual matters in common (which to me are more important really), which makes for a deeper experience overall and makes the spontaneous occurence of sheet surfing all the more enjoyable...IMO anyway.

Anyway, back to date ideas...I guess I, like others who have posted before me here, don't care for the traditional sort of date concept. If you're near a major urban center - especially one that has interesting open-air plazas where live bands play various forms of music, where people with strange ideas stand on their soap boxes preaching to the ether (guys walking around wearing sandwich boards pronouncing imminent doom are classic examples of that), or where artists display unusual creations, like sidewalk murals, sculptures, or the like - a stroll through a place like that one evening can make for one hell of a time. Allowing for the element of spontaneity in anything you do is the spice that makes the dish, methinks.

Taking off for a hike together in the wilderness is another great idea, if you have access to a place where you can do that. Or, as others suggest, watching an independent, thought-provoking film together, then making dinner afterwards would be a very cool way to spend time together. Here's one for you (a friend of mine at work recommended this one to me today, so I haven't seen it yet): A Day Without a Mexican. An independent film-maker made this one in response to much of the Mexican immigrant hub-bub going on here in the US, but this film deals with California in particular. One day, California wakes up to find that everyone of Mexican descent has vanished...(he spoiled the plot a bit to me, but I won't do that to you

)

Just remember...bed sports should not be your priority. Just let that happen when it does.

frogus23 · Post by **frogus23** » Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:48 am

Cap'n Cheapie's Date Idea 00001:

If there is a music hall nearby, call the box office and ask if you can watch the orchestra rehearse. You will pay a fraction of the full price, AND get to see the string section **** up their parts a couple of times, AND be able to talk about the latest show before it has come out. Muahahah AND they will almost certainly play the whole show through at some point.

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Wed Jul 06, 2005 8:57 am

I have to agree with some of the things said about the sex thing. I'm sure people have noticed my being all for it, but I've done the building a relationship on sex a few times and it ends up badly. The one that worked for two years, we mixed the sex with the conversation, that worked out fairly well and made for some very memorible conversations.

What about teaching each other something? That alone encompasses a lot of things you'd need in a relationship. You need good communication, patience, dealing with stress between each other, understanding. All the sorts of things you end up needing when together with a person when things AREN'T going well. If you two do well with that, it could be a good sign you would do well together.

Rob-hin · Post by **Rob-hin** » Wed Jul 06, 2005 10:46 am

Update:
Today we agreed to go picknicking. She called the locations and desided to keep it a secret to me. She picked a 'sort of park', a place with all tipes of gardens, Japanese, Desert cactusses, Dutch and whatnot. Pretty well known place appearantly, never heard of it.

Anyway, the weather spoiled our plans, rain and thus no picknick. Instead we went to the market (as planned) and got some bread and stuff and at at my place. Later, we went up to my room to check up a song on the internet. I suggested Mario Kart later and she was up for it. We had a good time driving our little karts around. It wasa whole new thing for her as the last game she played was Duckhunt 16 years ago.

Later we sat on the coutch together, rather close, and talked about past relationships and such.

It was fun.

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Wed Jul 06, 2005 4:23 pm

Magrus wrote:I have to agree with some of the things said about the sex thing. I'm sure people have noticed my being all for it, but I've done the building a relationship on sex a few times and it ends up badly.

Why Magrus, I think I might add this quote to my sig in honor of this public denouncement of debauchery.

The one that worked for two years, we mixed the sex with the conversation, that worked out fairly well and made for some very memorible conversations.

It seems to me that when the goal of someone's desire for a relationship with a particular person revolves around obtaining sheet time with said person, it is really nothing more than a matter of conquest: once the territory is conquered, what else is there? New and different territory to conquer, basically. Those tend to be fair weather/good mood sort of relationships, and without anything else in common they can turn pretty ugly if you've made the mistake of becoming committed. I unfortunately learned this the hard way despite my father's reasonable and sensible advice being offered on this very subject. Did I listen to him? Nooooo....I had to wear the t-shirt, buy the coffee mug, and get the bumpersticker.

@Rob-hin: Sounds like a winner! Glad to hear it.

Cuchulain82 · Post by **Cuchulain82** » Thu Jul 07, 2005 7:08 am

[QUOTE=Rob the pimp daddy]Anyway, the weather spoiled our plans, <snip>
Later we sat on the coutch together, rather close, and talked about past relationships and such.[/QUOTE]
I'm a big fan of being active on a date- you know, doing something. I don't mean you have to do something that is physical, but rather just that you do an activity. I bring this up because you said that you sat and talked for a while. I know that you got rained out, and there was nothing you could have done about that. In my experience, I have been most nervous and uncomfortable when there isn't something to do on a date. I think that having an activity lets both people focus on something other than how nervous they are/how to impress the other person.

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Thu Jul 07, 2005 7:58 am

[QUOTE=Rob-hin]Later we sat on the coutch together, rather close, and talked about past relationships and such.[/QUOTE]
In my experience, it's not a good idea to talk about past relationships when you're trying to get involved with someone. Unfortunately, when you mention a couple of things that have happened to you, they might sound like the most important things that ever happened to you if the other person doesn't know much else about you, so it might create the wrong impression or set off red flags. And personally, I just don't think it's good etiquette. It's better to talk about things you enjoy or things like your family or what you plan to do in the near future or maybe a couple of "good stories" from your past. When you get to know each other and feel secure in your new relationship, then it's okay to talk about past relationships.

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Thu Jul 07, 2005 8:37 am

[QUOTE=Chanak]Why Magrus, I think I might add this quote to my sig in honor of this public denouncement of debauchery.

[/QUOTE]
My trip out with a friend yesterday would disagree with that. Forgot to put a different shirt on than my naughty one and malls and grocery stores aren't good places to wear stuff like I did.

Really though, I think I've given up on the whole relationship/dating thing, regardless of form and shape it comes across. Too much to work through emotionally in the past relationships I've had before bringing it into a new one. Whether it's based on sex or love, it really doesn't matter.

Besides, you can still be a horrid pervert while married or single can't you?