Spells that were left out

cheesemage · Post by **cheesemage** » Fri Jul 13, 2001 10:47 am

summon moose
this spell summons a moose for the rest of your life and you can ride and charge things druid only spell
note moose must be able to rule 3 contineints or it becomes unsummoned

The Outsider · Post by **The Outsider** » Fri Jul 13, 2001 5:43 pm

Shadow Floor

This spell, a rather bad variant of the popular Shadow Door spell, operates in a similar way. When it is cast, the caster turns invisible and disappears into the floor (actually, has to lie down on it). The shadow floor acts as a cloak- the caster is invisible. However, this spell has a severe drawback- the caster cannot move, and must not give his presence away. Naturally, this causes some discomfort when an enemy steps on the mage's place of concealment. Use with caution, and never around Ettin.

Melf's Poison Pen

This simple spell creates a letter, addressed to the target and instantly delivered. In it, a simulacra of someone the target is smitten by launches into a tirade, unflatteringly comparing the target to the dirt in a dwarf's ear. A saving throw vs. bl**dymindedness to ignore the effects of this spell, but must then pass a saving throw vs. rage/depression to avoid running away to "sort out their affairs". If any of the saving throws are failed, the target collapses, weeping. Note that the caster must then pass a saving throw vs. ruthlessness to be able to kill the target.

Brink · Post by **Brink** » Fri Jul 13, 2001 6:07 pm

Originally posted by Fezek:
Emotion: Morrissey (Depression)
Range: I don't care
Casting time: whatever
Area of effect: one lonely person
Saving throw: Negative
Duration: Forever,and ever, and ever...

Upon casting this spell...ahh sod it

If I find the person who keeps casting this spell on me, I'm really gonna make him pay

Kyle Marksteiner · Post by **Kyle Marksteiner** » Fri Jul 13, 2001 7:54 pm

Spell: Power word-Funk.
The name says it all baby.

Fezek · Post by **Fezek** » Fri Jul 13, 2001 9:43 pm

Originally posted by Sloanzilla:
Spell: Power word-Funk.
The name says it all baby.

Summon Huggy Bear (Chillin)
Upon uttering this spell, the famous slick widester from Starsky and Hutch appears and provides info/solutions to all your problems..for the right price.

leeho730 · Post by **leeho730** » Fri Jul 13, 2001 11:54 pm

Summon Eminem

This rapper will f**k everyone, including party members. Jan and only Jan will be able to cope with this HD1 monster. The only spell to counter this diabolical spell is "Summon Eminem's mom."

[ 07-14-2001: Message edited by: leeho730 ]

Xyx · Post by **Xyx** » Sat Jul 14, 2001 1:33 am

Summon Teletubbies (Conjuration)

This spell will gate in 4 teletubbies. The teletubbies have no attacks or abilities, except for regenerating 100 HP per round. This makes them the perfect punching bags for stress relief. After inflicting 1000 HP of damage on the teletubbies, the party feels as if rested for 8 hours.

Christian · Post by **Christian** » Sat Jul 14, 2001 7:14 am

"Real sight"
School: no, only after 18
Range: sight of caster
Duration: not long enough
Saving throw: no thank you
Area of effect: the caster

This spell will effectively allow the caster to see through all clothes people wear. This will permit him to see, for example, all hidden items one may have (yeah right...).

This spell also confers a -2 penalty to all attack rolls from distraction. After the duration expires, the caster recieves 1D6 slap-on-the-face damage for every femenine character in the caster`s party.

THE JAKER · Post by **THE JAKER** » Thu Jul 26, 2001 1:21 pm

Sue me, but I gotta bring this classic back!

C'mon, you gotta love it. My favorite so far = Bigby's Middle Finger. Oh how I wish it was real.
My contribution:

Power Word: Retreat!

and, if that doesn't work,

Power Word: Reload.

prateek · Post by **prateek** » Thu Jul 26, 2001 3:49 pm

Summon: Homer Simpson

this spell brings forth an 8hd homer simpson, his funniness and riducule will often confuse enemies with his gaze, and, a lot of times, has nuclear devices. Depending on the caster's wisdom, the nuclear device may go off, hurt all enemies in 666d6 radiation damage from that nuclear exposive. every time he says "d'oh!" a random party member gets a 2 ac bonus, a +2 to hit, and +2 to intelligence for a brief period.

Mr. Sprinkles · Post by **Mr. Sprinkles** » Thu Jul 26, 2001 5:51 pm

Summon Republicans (Conjuration/Summoning)\
Level: The National Debt squared.
Casting time: 1
Area of Effect: The United States of America
Saving Throw: None

Summons 8 HD1 republicans who will cause Aerie to have an abortion, prevent Rielev from dying (anti-euthenasia), and cause all Nobles to become commoners. Whenever a Republican hits an enemy, that enemy becomes a republican as well. If any beggars are present when Summon Republicans is cast, they are instantly destroyed. And lastly, the PC and party NPCs are now allowed to carry concealed missile weapons.

[ 07-26-2001: Message edited by: Mr. Sprinkles ]

Shampoohorn · Post by **Shampoohorn** » Thu Jul 26, 2001 7:01 pm

Summon Devo (Conjuration/Summoning)

Summons 5 whip wielding jesters for 2:39. One of the jesters will play his song at the level of the caster while the other 4 attack with their whips. The whips are capable of inflicting a random effect of the jester song per hit with a -4 save penalty. The jesters are immune to silence.

Whip it!

The Outsider · Post by **The Outsider** » Thu Jul 26, 2001 8:15 pm

Blinkenlights (Posturation)
Level: 1
Duration: unknown

This spell involves a lot of waving of arms, muttering of syllables, and deep, snorting breaths. The result is that the caster is surrounded by fascinating lights, eerie sounds, and drifting bad smells. Nothing else happens, although enemies must roll an INT check to avoid running away in fear.

Saruman · Post by **Saruman** » Fri Jul 27, 2001 1:55 am

Drawmij's Instant Summons
Range: 5 foot in front of caster
Casting time: 0 (it's instant)
Area of effect: Drawmij
Saving throw: None
Duration: N/A

This spell causes the powerful archmage Drawmij to be instantly summoned from whatever location and/or plane of existance he is currently situated. Drawmij will appear 5 foot in front of the caster. As this spell has been in existance for some time the novelty of having to suddenly drop whatever he is doing so that he can be catapulted to the far flung corners of time and space has long since worn off. Drawmij is consequently exeedingly pissed off when he appears and will proceed to obliterate the caster, the caster's friends, the caster's family, the catser's home town etc.
Once vengence has been reaped Drawmij will proceed to find the local pub for a quick half before attempting to find his way home.

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Fri Jul 27, 2001 5:19 am

If you can, go out and find issue #144 of Dragon Magazine from April 1989 (The Swimsuit Issue). There was a section entitles Still More Outrages From the Mages: Dimwitted dweomers from the Misbegotten Realms. They had some of the best spells ever scribed:

Explosive Familiar
Wizard Stalker (summons a random level X monster who attacks the nearest wizard, range: 1 inch)
Locate [Your Own] Hand
Remove [Your Own] Hand
Charm Dead (does not work on undead or animated dead, only the completely dead)
Rock to Stone
Detect Normal Fires (range: touch)
Drawmij's Instant Death (instantly kills Drawmij, mentioned in the above post, wherever he may be, regardless of planar location)

All very funny stuff. There's also some more good AD&D parodies in that issue. Plus, the column "Legend" should be read by every RPGer.

[ 07-27-2001: Message edited by: HighLordDave ]

Fezek · Post by **Fezek** » Fri Jul 27, 2001 5:24 am

Originally posted by HighLordDave:

Detect Normal Fires (range: touch)

[ 07-27-2001: Message edited by: HighLordDave ]

(once again fezek's head is jettisoned from his body)

Fezek · Post by **Fezek** » Fri Jul 27, 2001 8:37 am

Two More..

Lisp (transmutation)
Changes the targets voice to that of a Conservative backbencher from Croydon. Also if the target is a mage/spellcaster, all spells used by the targeted monster have a 100 % failure rate.( hocuth,pocuth)

Salman Rushdie (Enchantment)

This spell can only be negated by a Freedom spell.

Summon: ABM Treaty

this spell can be used whenever the caster feels inadequate dealing with more powerful mage/spellcasters. it will effectly nullify any spell since the opposing spellcaster won't be allowed to use his/her array of spells because it's not fair.

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Jul 27, 2001 8:49 am

Abi-Dalzim's Horrid Salad Wilting. This spell will turn the freshest salad into a nightmare that looks like it was left in the summer sun for a week, and used for target practice by seagulls. Truly, an infamous spell.

Paisley Blade of Disaster. This spell conjures up a blade-shaped pole with animated paisley patterns in bright orange, yellow and green. Although the blade is not magical and does 1-4 points of damage, all opponents must do a save at -1 against nausea. If the roll fails, they fall to the ground in an agony at the blade's appalling color scheme.

Shampoohorn · Post by **Shampoohorn** » Fri Jul 27, 2001 9:04 am

Summon Planet
(Conjuration/Summoning)
Material Component: A planet
Area of effect: Depends on the planet

An upgrade of such spells as Meteor Swarm and Coment (but not to be confused with the frightening spell Summon Moon), this summons a planet to fall upon the nearest enemy. This one tends to be a real game buster and the DM should use some caution in introducing it into a game. Luckily the material component is fairly hard to come by.

Saruman · Post by **Saruman** » Fri Jul 27, 2001 9:06 am

Another one that I can just about remeber from a dragon magazine is;

Breathe Stone - Confers on the caster the ability to be able to breathe stone, please note that it in no way confers any abilities to move through or manipulate stone in any other way. It also has the side effect that for the duration of the spell the caster can no longer breathe any substance other than ston.