Santa Stalker

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 2:44 am

Santa has not been abducted. Santa has been busy disciplining unruly elves. Santa has not forgotten the any of you or your greedy little desires, and will be attanding to your requests shortly.

Some of you have dfinatly made my naughty list

dj_venom · Post by **dj_venom** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 3:43 am

Lestat, classic.:laugh:

Fiona, nasty

.

Hill-Shatar · Post by **Hill-Shatar** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:38 am

*places large bottle of whisky on mantle*

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:45 pm

Santa...I want all the girls I know to make sweet love to me.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 7:04 pm

[QUOTE=The Z]Santa...I want all the girls I know to make sweet love to me.

[/QUOTE]

Granted. Every girl you know puts you at the very top of her little black book. As a consequence you are constantly exhausted, can never accomplish anything in life, and 'cat fights' break out wherever you go.

Um...ooops....sorry, wrong thread.., sorry Santa Stalker.

Phreddie · Post by **Phreddie** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 8:13 pm

[QUOTE=dragon wench]Granted. Every girl you know puts you at the very top of her little black book. As a consequence you are constantly exhausted, can never accomplish anything in life, and 'cat fights' break out wherever you go.

Um...ooops....sorry, wrong thread.., sorry Santa Stalker.

[/QUOTE]
Wheres the downside?

Oh and Santa, I would like to have a nice backpacking trip in the Cascade Mountain Range.

Hill-Shatar · Post by **Hill-Shatar** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 8:20 pm

[QUOTE=Phreddie]Wheres the downside?

Oh and Santa, I would like to have a nice backpacking trip in the Cascade Mountain Range.[/QUOTE]

Oh dear great one,

I humbly beg your magnificence that Phreddie get caught in an accident in the mountains, as the idea of Phreddie finding Calgary or Vancouver scares both DW and I greatly, and it may disrupt our abilities to pervert everything fully if one of us has him sitting on our lawn.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 9:27 pm

[QUOTE=Hill-Shatar]Oh dear great one,

I humbly beg your magnificence that Phreddie get caught in an accident in the mountains, as the idea of Phreddie finding Calgary or Vancouver scares both DW and I greatly, and it may disrupt our abilities to pervert everything fully if one of us has him sitting on our lawn.

[/QUOTE]

lmao!

Oh Dearest (and most divine) Santa,
could you also possibly see to it that in case Phreddie survives his accident that you recruit him as an elf, and bring him to the North Pole? I'm sure he could fulfil a healthy and productive life in your reindeer stables

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:45 pm

[QUOTE=Athena]Dear Santa Stalker,
Something about Christmas makes me wish it was Christmas never again. Could you please put a big 'X' on the whole shopping frenzy thing? (Intercom at said shopping place; "M'am, step AWAY from the shopping cart. You've been shopping for 16 hours, we're closing up now!"

) And could you please divert those reindeer from landing on my roof so it's not as noisy when they land?
Thanks Santa Stalker
-Na[/QUOTE]

Santa sympathises. The holiday sucks major. It takes time away from my busy schedule of boozing, wenching, and watching all day re-runs of '80's metal videos. Santa will deal with the shopping malls appropriatly. Vandalism is Santa;'s middle name.

RE the reindeer, I understand totally. Just leave your window open, and Santa will remember to slide into your bedroom instead. :mischief:

@Phreddie....didn't you already send Santa a letter?As to the request for elves, oompahloompas etc....Santa is contractually obligated to keep all elves in residence at the North Pole. This is to keep them safe from the molestations of people like Orlando Bloom, Leonardo Decaprio, and all those other pansy ass "male" actors running around getting all the roles in action movies and ruining films I would otherwise love to watch. The Oompas seem to be a fetish around here though for some reason, Santa will have to get back to you on that.

@Patrick.....A fine sounding name and a suitably drunken request. Santa will deliver all you ask for on the condition that Santa gets to taste test all the Guiness that comes out of the keg. Also, Santa thanks you for wishing Mrs. Claus well, and AC says hi back. Now someone spam this thread to cover that last line up.

@Grimar....unfortunatly, Rudolph is not what you think. Originally when contacted about the movie rights to his story, Hollywood rejected the idea that Rudolph was in actuallity a homicidal, schizoprenic wolverine with a large case of little man syndrome and a certain fondness for elven flesh. His nose isn't natuarally red btw, it's a product of his feeding habits. This also goes a long way towards explaining why Santa has to hoard the elves since they have a bothersom habit of dissappearing during stable duty.

However, Rudolph is feeling a bit burnt out, so we figure since no one else is crazy enough to ask for him, we'll send him to you for a bit of a vacation. We'll will not, however, be liable for any burial costs your family may accumulate as a result.

@Mag...the Turkey was a nice idea, but stashing a real live gobbler in that area of Dasher's anatomy.....well, let's just say it's been a long time since he's lived up to his name so well. As a result, Santa got 17 speeding tickets, one crualety to animals charge, and a chewing out from Mrs. Claus. Because the last one pleased me, you will get what you ask for. Santa will make sure to look into Athena's phone troubles personally when I arive with her gift. Try not to call until the following morning though.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 10:59 pm

[QUOTE=ch85us2001]Dear Santa Stalker,

Can I have a chainsaw for christmas?
Or hows'bout you just enlighten the world to DRAG RACING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chubacca.

PS. I could leave booze and a cat for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/QUOTE]

Only if you also accept Santas list of suggested uses for said chainsaw. Santa has enemies he needs dealt with.

Do you really think you can bribe me with a cat? Well, depend I guess on what kind of cat it is.

@DF...you seem to be confused. Weasel is welcome at the North Pole. Nothing else calms hyper reindeer like the Vile One himself lurking in their stalls.

@Ravager....Santa does not encourage slackers. One the other hand, Santa respects your bribe. So, Santa will compirmise. Santa has called your employer, and they have agreed to let you off indefinatly. Santa recommends looking into alternate employment. Santa has also arranged for your class load to be lightened considerably. From now on, you will not recieve the same assignment schedule as your classmates. You will instead recieve all of your semesters workload for \each class exactly 2 days before finals. Hope you enjoy all that free time in between.

@Tam....Santa understands. You have needs, no matter how depraved and wicked they may seem Santa remembers how you all used to play pass the monkey in the Rolling Thunder hot tub. The ass will be delivered to you as requested. *Santa INC reserves the right to use all gift requests as future blackmail material.

@Mah....Ah, my favorite student. You adherence to the tenants of Be please Santa greatly, so Santa has arranged for you to recieve a new lampshade. Delivering was a problem, however we have arranged for said lampshade to be available for pickup at the Pink ****ycat Lounge. Unfortunatly, on of the strippers has decided it works well as part of her costume, so you'll have to search for it yourself. I hope this isn't a problem in any way.

@Lestat...Santa is wamred that you came to his defense. And without even asking for a gift. Therefore, Santa has decided in this one instance to be generous. Therefore, Santa did a little research into your life, and noticed you have a lawsuit pending you may need help with. Santa sympathises with your plight, it's a pain when someone makes a movie based on your life without monetary compensation. Santa still hasn;t seen a cent from The Night Before Christmas. Therefore, Santa has aquired the nbest legal minds in the world to help you in your case to be compensated for the making of the movie 40 Year Old Virgin. The legal team has seen the script, and your life history, and assures me they could prove the parallels with their eyes closed.

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 11:04 pm

[QUOTE=The Z]Santa...I want all the girls I know to make sweet love to me.

[/QUOTE]

I am Santa, Not God. Miracles are not really my line of work.

@Hill....what kind of accident?

@DW....Santa does not think Phreddie has the constitution it takes to be an elf. Not to say I care whether he lives or dies, but you may need to do some more groveling here.

Patrick · Post by **Patrick** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 11:09 pm

Bloody Santa stalker know's if you'r something, something something.
Blah blah blah

Any way thanks BSSanta. Best regaurds AC. Anyway, Santa, A drunk elf and a Lepracon made there way here this mourning, telling me that I am fortunit enough to get my christmas wish. And truly yes it a piping cold keg of nitro guiness, indeed, and BsSanta I'll leave a map to the keg and a cold mug and pretzels for ye. Be fine then

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 6:35 am

Dear Santa,

I would like to get [url="http://wow.allakhazam.com/db/item.html?witem=18534"]this nice staff[/url] for Christmas.

Thank you in advance

~Brynn

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 8:12 am

[QUOTE=Bloodstalker]I am Santa, Not God. Miracles are not really my line of work.

[/QUOTE]

@BS...Thanks for trying Santa, I'll keep asking God then

@DW...Like Phreddie says, what's wrong with that?

Lestat · Post by **Lestat** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 8:33 am

@ Brynn: are you sure you want (this) Santa to give you some rod?

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 9:29 am

So His Santaness...what do you have for this Stealthy Saint ?

Athena · Post by **Athena** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 9:10 pm

*rockets into Santa Stalker's cave in my horrse drawn sleigh and kidnaps the elves*
Thanks!
*jets*

Hill-Shatar · Post by **Hill-Shatar** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 9:11 pm

*Hill and Chu charge through in their Delorian after Athena*

Phreddie · Post by **Phreddie** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 9:15 pm

[QUOTE=Hill-Shatar]Oh dear great one,

I humbly beg your magnificence that Phreddie get caught in an accident in the mountains, as the idea of Phreddie finding Calgary or Vancouver scares both DW and I greatly, and it may disrupt our abilities to pervert everything fully if one of us has him sitting on our lawn.

[/QUOTE]
Just consider me a muse/peeping tom, an inspiration to your perversion

besides, Hill, heres a scary thought: Ive been backpacking in the north cascades before, I have been with in sight of the canadian border in Northern Washington state... this year.

ch85us2001 · Post by **ch85us2001** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 9:16 pm

*deftly dodges deer doodoo*
Wooo that was close.

Also, Santa, I need Athena to love me!
Back to my fabulous Delorian driving duties,
Chuwaa