This can't be happening! *lengthy rant & soul-searching*

[Galuf the Dwarf]

What the hell's going on? It seems like no matter where I am, whether it's online (notably here or Webcomic.net forums), playing WoW, at work, or at home, it seems like I'm nothing but something to be lied to, especially when it comes to promises dealing with getting something done. It could be a reply to a private message, or a promise by my dad to get my room finished (or similar stuff at home), or my coworkers promising to have something done that would help us both. But no, it never seems to happen when it should.

Now, I realize in some cases, like w/ a PM, people may have things come up and they can't reply. BUT, I've been waiting for some replies to a few PMs for a while now, my dad's taking his merry little time with my room, and if I bother him about it at all, he becomes at least a hint obstinate.

Yeah, with some things, you just gotta deal with it. But it feels like something I should not just have to deal with. It feels like I'm having stuff done to me like my life is being taken. Mentally, this is tortue. I tend to do quite a bit for other people, yet it seems like the world expects me to be Superman or some sort of god and fix EVERYTHING myself IN A FLASH. It's as if I'm supposed to fix my room, reply to my own PMs w/ the advice I can't find, and suddenly fix every problem, all in just one minute.

What I'm afraid of is people - even ones I know as friends & family. May be betraying me and leaving me to suffer. How am I supposed to live if I have to hold more than my share of burden to get anything accomplished? How am I supposed to find answers if I never find out where to truly look?

When it comes to looking for answers, looking inside of myself for some answers leaves me too confused. What I want & what I really need are too confusing, as I'm such a mystery to myself.

The life I'd hope to live is (at least) a hint surreal or unattainable. To live it, I'd probably have to bend reality to my will, or at least bend people (notably women) to my wishes. I don't want to make slaves of people, but I really feel like too much of a slave to everyone else to really feel human, or at least content. I've got women that I can talk to at work to show my intimate side (verbally), but that's it, and I can't do it for long. And yet my brother's living out his intimate & romantic dreams every day now for a couple hours.

And then some people just seem to come and go. The women I've known at college and - to a lesser extent - work never seem to sit still. I can't talk with them, and if I do get the phone number to talk to them, they never seem to either have the time to talk, or they don't pick up the phone OR answer a message I leave them.
I've had people that I've enjoyed the company on this board (mostly moderators), and suddenly they seem to just vanish.

Why should I never have my way? Sure, "If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride." What I'm hoping for is not entirely a wish that things would become like a fairy tale. I'm wishing that things would stop from being a complete nightmare. I don't feel human any more. I feel like a monstrous slave, something that is doomed to be destroyed for my own misery & live's cruel pleasure. I don't deserve this.

[Damuna_Nova]

[QUOTE=Galuf the Dwarf]yet it seems like the world expects me to be Superman or some sort of god and fix EVERYTHING myself IN A FLASH[/QUOTE]

I would like to apologise beforehand for this post.

I haven't actually read all of this yet, but your wording makes me think that you could rant about this in a flash animation.

[Damuna_Nova]

Argh, read your post now.

I don't really know what to suggest, which I'll admit instead of spouting a cliche.

Which that probably was.

[slade]

we're here for you.......uh dont pay any attention to the heathen history

[Damuna_Nova]

Considered trying men?

[slade]

[QUOTE=Damuna_Nova]Considered trying men?[/QUOTE]
Say what!!?

[JonIrenicus]

[QUOTE=Galuf the Dwarf]I've got women that I can talk to at work to show my intimate side (verbally), but that's it, and I can't do it for long. And yet my brother's living out his intimate & romantic dreams every day now for a couple hours. [/QUOTE]

I feel your pain. Well do you really like these women? Like like them enough to go out with them or do you just want some action? Or a little of both? This goes for any women but if you really like her, tell her how you feel. If you find her sexy, tell her. If you find her funny, tell her. If you like what she is wearing tell her damnit! I think you get my point. Go bold, women really do like that, hell I really like that when a women goes bold on me too. I know that may be hard for you and a little scary but believe me and face your fears (that is if this is one of them).

Now if you get a girl's number and she doesn't have the "time" to talk with you, screw it move on. Some girls just aren't going to be into you and treat it like that. Some women you aren't into too you know. If you get shot down so what, at least you tried. I know it sounds crazy but there is plenty of fish in the sea and try all the fish out.

I know you are looking for love and everyone needs some lovin'.

I also know that you are going through some stuff right now. You know what, you aren't alone either. I am too. You may feel crappy but you are so young (as am I). You know that ages 18-28 is the hardest years of ones life? Granted this isn't *everyone* per say but it fits most people. "Life is strength, this is not to be contested" Just keep on keeping on with your struggle, as dim as it may seem right now, it can only improve. My advice is keep it positive and see humor, it is all around you.

Feel free to PM me if you need any help, you are not alone.

[fable]

[QUOTE=Damuna_Nova]Considered trying men?[/QUOTE]

#1 - Flaming, humiliating, ridiculing, or belittling other members will not be tolerated. If you have an issue with another member, take it to private messages or email.

There are better places to play at being Bob Hope, then when somebody's having a personal crisis. Shame on you.

[slade]

[QUOTE=JonIrenicus]I know you are looking for love and everyone needs some lovin'.

I also know that you are going through some stuff right now. You know what, you aren't alone either. I am too. You may feel crappy but you are so young (as am I). You know that ages 18-28 is the hardest years of ones life? Granted this isn't *everyone* per say but it fits most people. "Life is strength, this is not to be contested" Just keep on keeping on with your struggle, as dim as it may seem right now, it can only improve. My advice is keep it positive and see humor, it is all around you.

Feel free to PM me if you need any help, you are not alone.[/QUOTE]
I think we all hit this type of crisis everynow and then......I agree with Jon your still young, no need to let this kill you in the inside....through our hardships an experiences is where we grow stronger

[JonIrenicus]

[QUOTE=slade]through our hardships an experiences is where we grow stronger [/QUOTE]

To take one more step, this is how you become a person.

[C Elegans]

Galuf, sadly you must learn to accept that people lie a lot in social situations. Personally I dislike this, if I don't feel I'd like to be friends with a person I say that rather than saying something vague like "Let's have lunch some day" and then don't call, but in reality, most people prefer to lie a little rather than to state what they really feel. It is considered more polite to say a little social lie like "I call you" and not call, that to say "sorry, I don't want to see you again".

I believe part of you problems is that you don't realise how common social lies are. I also believe that another part of your problems is that you don't differentiate very much between important or less important lies, or major or minor promises. For instance, if you send a PM to a person here at Gamebanshee and that person promise you to reply later and never replies, that is not really a very big and important thing. If on the other hand you are sick and in need of medical care, and the doctor says "I promise you'll get surgery next week" and that never happens, that is a big and major deceit with severe consequences for you.

Regarding minor things, like PM-replies and your dad finishing your room, I suggest you ask the person in a serious and factual way why they don't do as they have promised. In order not to trigger you father's obstinat responses, just take a moment when neither you nor he are stressed and angry and ask him as a serious question "You know you've promised me to finish my room. I makes me really sad and disappointed that you haven't done so yet, since I feel it's really important to me. Can't we make some kind of agreement that you finish it next weekend? (or however long time is needed)"

Regarding your co-workers, I think it's more serious to state empty promises in a professional situation. If it has happened repeatedly with the same person, I think you should seriously question why the other person is not doing it. You can also try to take initiative to just do it. Go up to your coworker and give a concrete suggestion like: "You remember that project we talked about? I have thought about it, I think it's a really good idea. Let's decide a time and date for a meeting next week - what about Thurday afternoon?" By doing this, you will force the other person to take responsibility for his or her own words, and give you a straight reply if they really are up to doing it or not.

The life I'd hope to live is (at least) a hint surreal or unattainable. To live it, I'd probably have to bend reality to my will, or at least bend people (notably women) to my wishes. I don't want to make slaves of people, but I really feel like too much of a slave to everyone else to really feel human, or at least content.

You cannot and should not try to bend other people to your wishes. You must patiently wait to find people who share your wishes. What you can do to increase the likelihood of this happening, is to change your own lifestyle. For instance, think through what kind of women you'd like to meet, and figure out where to find them. I just had a similar discussion with a workmate who wants to meet exciting men who have travelled a lot and has an adventureous personality type. I suggested that she should take up risk sports (like climbing or diving or hang-gliding) and that she herself starts travelling a lot. If she had wished to meet a highly cultivated, intellectual guy who is interested in art and classical music, I had suggested her to start going to museums, art exhibitions and cultural events. But you see my point: you cannot decide how other people should be, you can only increase your chances of meeting somebody who would fit your wishes and dreams.

And then some people just seem to come and go. The women I've known at college and - to a lesser extent - work never seem to sit still. I can't talk with them, and if I do get the phone number to talk to them, they never seem to either have the time to talk, or they don't pick up the phone OR answer a message I leave them.

You are young, Galuf. Young people like to move around, and they change quicker. They change they minds, they develop in different ways, what suited them yesterday is of no interest today. I can only advice you to look for many social relationships - some will last longer than others.

I don't feel human any more. I feel like a monstrous slave, something that is doomed to be destroyed for my own misery & live's cruel pleasure. I don't deserve this.

I don't think you should feel dehumanised because people make minor social lies to you. There must be something more behind these horrible feelings you have. I know you don't deserve an unhappy life, but regardless of what we deserve and not, unhappiness may strike us and we must fight for our well-being. If these negative feelings have been with you for a long time, I would actually suggest that you try to find a cognitive therapist in order to learn more strategies to increase your quality of life.

[C Elegans]

[QUOTE=JonIrenicus]This goes for any women but if you really like her, tell her how you feel. If you find her sexy, tell her. If you find her funny, tell her. If you like what she is wearing tell her damnit! I think you get my point. [/quote]

This is very true. Lots of women, especially young women (and men for that matter, but women is Galuf's interest), like to hear compliments. Also, show attention and focus on them and what they are saying. Ask a lot of questions about them, their lives, what they are doing, what they think of this and that, and especially listen to potential problems they may have in life. Like in BG2 if you remember a lot of people attach to others by getting support, interest, attention and understanding for their problems.

[Galuf the Dwarf]

Well, I've lived through other circumstances, like persecution and constant teasing in high school. Still, there's some of that which still nags me to this day.

It's just that these circumstances seem to be compounding beyond my wishes. I have trouble thinking towards the future because I'm constantly getting attacked w/ stuff like this day in, day out. I wish these problems would suddenly just subside tomorrow, like flicking a switch to making a light go on. I know that's not how it goes, though.

What I'm really dreaming of is something of a real reprieve. Something that would lighten the burden by just a bit. Maybe some lady could REALLY stay put (without risking her own time management/job/life/whatever) and make me feel like a king. Maybe my dad would get out of his unnaturally stubborn & selfish rut, get off his butt, and actually contract people to fix my room (alongside the bathroom that shares a wall with the bathroom, and leaked to cause water damage).

[C Elegans]

Well, I've lived through other circumstances, like persecution and constant teasing in high school. Still, there's some of that which still nags me to this day.

This you must work through and leave behind you. The people who teased you win a little victory every day if you let this influence your life in a negative way, still.

I have trouble thinking towards the future because I'm constantly getting attacked w/ stuff like this day in, day out.

But what exactly is it that you feel attacked by? The little social lies people tell you should not take as attacks, that is not personal, it's just how the social games work in our culture.

What I'm really dreaming of is something of a real reprieve. Something that would lighten the burden by just a bit.

Don't dream, Galuf. Dreams are bound to make people very sad and disappointed since they may never come true. If you feel this bad often, or over a longer time, you must act to change it, not dream.

[Damuna_Nova]

[QUOTE=C Elegans]But what exactly is it that you feel attacked by? The little social lies people tell you should not take as attacks, that is not personal, it's just how the social games work in our culture. [/QUOTE]

Are your culture and Galuf's the same ones?

[JonIrenicus]

[QUOTE=Galuf the Dwarf]Well, I've lived through other circumstances, like persecution and constant teasing in high school. Still, there's some of that which still nags me to this day.[/QUOTE]

I think everyone got teased in HS. When all the kids are young and many are not matured... at all that happens. I got teased for not being tall and dressing too good. I wasn't in any crowd or "click" nor was I a "loser." I got teased by all the clicks too but you know what, it wasn't that bad at all -- hell I even miss it a lil'.

[QUOTE=Galuf the Dwarf]It's just that these circumstances seem to be compounding beyond my wishes. I have trouble thinking towards the future because I'm constantly getting attacked w/ stuff like this day in, day out. I wish these problems would suddenly just subside tomorrow, like flicking a switch to making a light go on. I know that's not how it goes, though.[/QUOTE]

Do you use cheat codes on games? To you play games on the easy setting? If you say no to both of those then I don't need to say anything more.

[QUOTE=Galuf the Dwarf]Maybe my dad would get out of his unnaturally stubborn & selfish rut, get off his butt, and actually contract people to fix my room (alongside the bathroom that shares a wall with the bathroom, and leaked to cause water damage).[/QUOTE]

What makes your old man happy? Have you tried to please him? Does he like a certain type of beer? Do something for him or offer him something to help you. I know you may not feel he deserves it but what works, works. Or even take it a step further and find a contractor yourself and ask him to jusy pay the bill.

[C Elegans]

[QUOTE=Damuna_Nova]Are your culture and Galuf's the same ones?[/QUOTE]

Very similar in a global perspective. Sure, social lies like "I call you" instead of "Sorry, I don't want to meet again" are probably more common in the US since politeness is generally more valued in the US than in Sweden, but generally, studies of social lies in the US and Europe have similar results.

[JonIrenicus]

[QUOTE=C Elegans]Don't dream, Galuf. Dreams are bound to make people very sad and disappointed since they may never come true. If you feel this bad often, or over a longer time, you must act to change it, not dream.[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't say that. Dreams are good, but don't let dreams take your hopes up to the clouds just to fall back down to the ground.

[Damuna_Nova]

[QUOTE=C Elegans]Very similar in a global perspective. Sure, social lies like "I call you" instead of "Sorry, I don't want to meet again" are probably more common in the US since politeness is generally more valued in the US than in Sweden, but generally, studies of social lies in the US and Europe have similar results.[/QUOTE]

They're still not the same culture though...

was that a typo? If so I can understand that...

[slade]

[QUOTE=Galuf the Dwarf]What I'm really dreaming of is something of a real reprieve. Something that would lighten the burden by just a bit.[/QUOTE]
I agree with CE....dont dream to much because you'll just make yourself miserable.....dreams are fantasies there not meant to come true......if they did they wouldnt be fantasies... not saying that its bad..just dont lose track of what reality is...because reality is cruel....and the last thing you need is to believe that everything is alright and you have no worries. This is a part of the human life, its sad to say...but dont get me wrong all of life isnt depressing....it just fluctuates...your just caught on the downside right now....dont stay down there.....find a new hobby or something interesting that may take your mind of your troubles for a bit.