The laws of anime(long but funny)

[Shadowstrider]

Laws Of Anime

The Laws of Anime are a set of rules in a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomena that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of Anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from those in the world we know. Due to the rather dynamic nature of Anime science, theories and paradigms are generally in a state of constant flux, often shifting or changing with the tide of whimsy. By no means all-inclusive and sometimes not even remotely instructive, the following is an enumerated list of semi-empirical islands in an ocean of conjecture. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity — The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation — Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise rendered airborne, gravity on that object/person is reduced by a factor of four.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification (First Law of Anime Acoustics) — In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust (First Law of Anime Motion) — In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility (Second Law of Anime Motion) — The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability — Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he/she does something "cool" or "impressive." Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality — "Good Guys (or Gals)" and "Bad Guys (or Gals)" both die in one of two ways: 1) Death comes so quick they don't see it coming, OR 2) Death is a long, drawn-out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence, or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality — It takes some time for "BGs" to die...regardless of the physical damage sustained. Even when the "BGs" are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis — Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white)

10. Law of Dramatic Multiplicity — Scenes that only happen once (for instance, a "GG" kicks the "BG" in the face) are seen at least three times from three different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustibility — Everything explodes. Everything.


First Corollary — Anything that explodes bulges first.

Second Corollary — Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City."
12. Law of Photisiastic Emission — Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission — There is always an energy buildup (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or spacecraft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude — The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.


First Corollary — Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.
15. Law of Inexhaustibility — Nobody EVER runs out of ammunition. That is, of course, unless they are cornered, outnumbered, outclassed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy — The accuracy of a "GG" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "BGs" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases (also known as the Storm Trooper Effect). Example: A "GG" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "BGs" firing on a "GG" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.


First Corollary — The more "BGs" there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.

Second Corollary — Whenever a "GG" is faced with insurmountable odds, the "BGs" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero(ine)/s to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.

Third Corollary — Whenever a "GG" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated GG" area, usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the "GG" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.
17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability — Minmei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity — The human body contains over twelve gallons of blood...sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency — Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability — Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors, can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.


First Corollary — Whenever a single war machine (Mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.
21. Law of Tactical Unreliability — Tactical geniuses aren't...

22. Law of Inconsequential Unpredictability — People never notice the little things......like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality — Children are smarter than adults...and almost always twice as annoying.

24. Law of Americanthropomorphism — Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles: 1) As a really nasty skinny "BG", OR 2) As a big stupid "GG."


First Corollary — The only people more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators (sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect).

Second Corollary — The only people more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality — The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26. Law of Conservation of Firepower — Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

27. Law of Technological User-Benevolence — The formal training to operate a spaceship or Mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

28. Law of Melee Luminescence — Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "GGs" and red for "BGs." This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

29. Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism — All ugly, non-humanoid races are hostile and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

30. Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability — Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.


First Corollary — The same is occasionally true with eye color (take Goku when he became a Super Saiyan as an example).
31. Law of Follicular Permanence — Hair in Anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons.....with bladed weapons!

32. Law of Topological Aerodynamics (First Law of Anime Aerodynamics) — ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

33. Law of Probable Attire — Clothing in Anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear the aforementioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
Whenever there is a headwind, male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.


First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) — All Anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in the snow.

Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) — Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
34. Law of Musical Omnipotence — Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like: piloting Mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...especially if he/she has never attempted it before.

35. Law of Quintupular Agglutination — Also called the "Five-Man Rule," when "GGs" group together, it tends to be in groups of five.
There are five basic positions, which are: 1) The Hero/Leader, 2) His Girlfriend, 3) His Best Friend/Rival, 4) A Hulking Brute, 5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include: 1) Extreme Coolness, 2) Amazing Intelligence, 3) Incredible Irritation.

36. Law of Extra-Dimensional Capacitance — All Anime females have an extra-dimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.


First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) — The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
37. Law of Hydrostatic Emission — Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tend to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single, but very large, drop of sebaceous fluid.

38. Law of Inverse Attraction — Success at finding suitable mate is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.


First Corollary — Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to people in the real world as well...
39. Law of Nasal Sanguination — When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. Nobody's sure why this is, though......the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of blood flow to that region.

40. Law of Xylolaceration — Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

41. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence — Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

42. Law of Triskaiquadradekaphobia (or Law of Sarantatriadaphobia) — There is no Law #42.

43. Law of Nominative Clamovocation — The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

44. Law of Uninterruptible Metamorphosis — Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, and "BGs" witnessing a Mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

45. Law of Flimsy Incognition — Simply changing into a costume or weary a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

46. The Law of Anger Proportionality — The strength of an anime female increases directly in proportion to the degree of her anger. This is alternatively known as the Takahashi Rule, the Akane Affliction, or the Shinobu Syndrome. Often used in conjunction with the Hammer Rule.

47. Law of Genetic Fusion — Any crossbreed invariably combines the best parts of both species, and is in some way, shape, or form, greatly superior to either. Also known as the Gohan Rule.

That was taken from infoceptor

[Anatres]

Hummmm, do I know you? I knew another Strider on a different forum in a world of long ago in a far away place......

[Vehemence]

Very cool

[Shadowstrider]

Originally posted by Anatres:
<STRONG>Hummmm, do I know you? I knew another Strider on a different forum in a world of long ago in a far away place...... </STRONG>

I dunno...what forum?

[leedogg]

you guys are too smart for me!

[Shadowstrider]

thre are to many roll eyes in this thread...

[Craig]

48.Idiotic outnumber law
all "BGs" go one on one with "GGs"
49.The Oh my god law(also known as the pokemon law used in conjunction with rule 37 part 2)
When surprised ALL Anime people fall over.
50.Raceil(not ment as racism)Egsagoration
all chinise people have funny eyes ETC

[Craig]

Bump

[ThorinOakensfield]

The post is too long for me to read but it is partially funny in the beginning.

[Aegis]

51. The military is always a futile effort againest the BG. I.E// Bullets miss, deflect, or get stopped. Vehicles always explode with the slightest touch, and people always abandon ship when the receive the littlest damage.

52. There's always the bigger fish. In other words, no matter how storng the enemy you just faught was, there will always be one stronger

53. The GG always gets defeat at least one or more times before finally killing the BG with the simplest technique or attac.

[GandalfgalTTV]

BBBTF *Bored Bump Becaus this is funny*

[THE JAKER]

Hong Kong Live Action Corollaries:

1: Chow Yun Fat cannot die. Except sometimes when he does, but if he dies it will always be a big emotional scene with lots of tears and a swelling of music, and quite possibly someone yelling his name really loud.

2. When you think the end boss is dead, watch out! He will grab your ankle!

3. Chow Yun Fat is more accurate than a trained Yakuza gunmen while firing with his left hand as he slides down a bannister on his back.

[Aegis]

Chow yun Fat? When did he become anime?

[GandalfgalTTV]

I don't know if it's anime, but that it ain't real is something I'm pretty sure about.

[prateek]

Law #666

Do not post the "laws of anime" without giving rightful credit to its creator at http://www.infoceptor.net

[THE JAKER]

Originally posted by Aegis
Chow yun Fat? When did he become anime?

Quote from my post:

ahem..."Hong Kong LIVE ACTION corollaries"..ahem