Something or another wars episode V: The spam comes back

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Mon May 14, 2007 12:52 am

Maharlika wrote:Welcome as neophytes. Agents from the C.I.A. (COMM Intelligence Agency) will be visiting and debriefing you soon.

Let the beatings begin.

After beating you utterly senseless, there will be refreshments in the west parlor of the Safehouse. Mind you that you watch your step in the hallways now, it's been a few years since humans have been inside and the crocodi...um, I mean Security System might be a wee bit "starved" for your company. :laugh:

There are of course documents you will have to sign, waivers to approve, powers of attorney to execute, "I's" to dot, "T's" to cross, P's and Q's to watch, your life savings to donate, and a thorough body cavity search of each of you that some ham-fisted former pro-wrestler will gruffly perform while you watch the 26 hours of orientation videos we have in store for you.

After all of that, I think you will have cleared COMM Intelligence tip top. Carry on me hearties!

EDIT: Please note that I am in no way responsible for anything having to do with this so-called "COMM" and in fact have never heard of it at all during my years here on SYM.

AmpaSand · Post by **AmpaSand** » Mon May 14, 2007 2:00 am

Sounds like boarding school!

I would like to trade in my "get out of training free card"
Go straight to agent.
Do not get beaten.
Do not Watch orientaion videos.

Do I get my glasses now?

*browses COMM monthly mag*

WOW! and an order page, Spy stuff!

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Mon May 14, 2007 2:27 am

AmpaSand wrote:Sounds like boarding school!

I would like to trade in my "get out of training free card"
Go straight to agent.
Do not get beaten.
Do not Watch orientaion videos.

Do I get my glasses now?

*browses COMM monthly mag*

WOW! and an order page, Spy stuff!

Hehehe, kids these days.

Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars...

...and report directly to an extended body cavity search. No refreshments for you.

Oh, and in addition to the orientation videos, we'll have fable unload his entire "Barney" DVD collection on you. We'll prop your eyelids open with toothpicks and force you to watch every precious second. Bon appetit.

AmpaSand · Post by **AmpaSand** » Mon May 14, 2007 3:07 am

We are ment to be INTELIGENT AGENTS! not mindless drones....

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Mon May 14, 2007 3:47 am

Typical for neophytes when subjected to the tests.

AmpaSand wrote:We are ment to be INTELIGENT AGENTS! not mindless drones....

Understandable.

Please bear in mind tho, that ALL COMM agents pass these rigorous tests. It ensures that when all things have passed, you have become invulnerable to such encounters.

Watching barneys and listening to William Shatner all night long would not detrimentally affect you in any way.

I remember an Agent Z who would frolic in the pit of the croc... I mean Security System's Area of Responsibility... and would leave the place unscathed... well, a few limbs lost, but it never stopped him from enjoying the place again and again...

You will be desensitized.

Hence, you would be more focused in COMMunicating, not spamming.

DesR85 · Post by **DesR85** » Mon May 14, 2007 6:35 am

AmpaSand wrote:We are ment to be INTELIGENT AGENTS! not mindless drones....

I thought this was supposed to be a strike team?

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Mon May 14, 2007 6:46 am

@COMMrade Des:

DesR85 wrote:I thought this was supposed to be a strike team?

The COMMunity does not compose soley of intelligence agents nor covert operatives.

We come in many forms depending on the tasks assigned to us.

Kipi · Post by **Kipi** » Mon May 14, 2007 8:53 am

Chanak wrote: Oh, and in addition to the orientation videos, we'll have fable unload his entire "Barney" DVD collection on you. We'll prop your eyelids open with toothpicks and force you to watch every precious second. Bon appetit.

What about those who already knows the serie and remember every second of it already?

You have other series to brainwash potential drone... I mean agents?

Fiberfar · Post by **Fiberfar** » Mon May 14, 2007 9:55 am

For the love of all that's holy, DON'T show them the GOLDEN SPEEDOS!

Kipi · Post by **Kipi** » Mon May 14, 2007 10:41 am

Fiberfar wrote:For the love of all that's holy, DON'T show them the GOLDEN SPEEDOS!

Whyyyyyy.......???

What's so bad in Golden Speedos??

Magelord648 · Post by **Magelord648** » Mon May 14, 2007 10:56 am

AmpaSand wrote: Buy the way

AmpaSand Capital!

And it's Magelord! No capital!

Fiberfar · Post by **Fiberfar** » Mon May 14, 2007 4:59 pm

Kipi wrote:Whyyyyyy.......???

What's so bad in Golden Speedos??

No one, not a thing, absolutley nothing !

AmpaSand · Post by **AmpaSand** » Mon May 14, 2007 9:59 pm

Do they have super powers?

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Tue May 15, 2007 12:35 am

Kipi wrote:What about those who already knows the serie and remember every second of it already?

You have other series to brainwash potential drone... I mean agents?

Ah, very well then. You can move along to 36 hours of "Teletubbies."

Now really folks...all this moaning and groaning. Tsk tsk. Time for the "Why Nothin' in Life Worth More Than a Slab of Putrid Spam Ain't Easy Nor Free" speech. Here tis:

COMMunicating requires the expenditure of your personal energy, just like mindless spamming does. Difference here is when it comes to COMMunication, you actually devote thought to your use of energy. :speech:

I know, foreign concept to the lot of you, but one you'll just have to take in stride if you desire to rise from the putrid muck of invertebrate spam to the glorious freshly-laundered heights of COMMunicating. Big step to take, and we know that. Hence our infinite patience and understanding, complete and all-encompassing compassion, and perfect willingness to beat you senseless at completely random moments.

There. Now you should feel sufficiently inspired to go out, and spam no more. If you don't, let me know. I'll make an appointment for you to spend some time with Moose and Rocco. I hear the flowers are really nice this time of year.

@Mah: Ah, bringing up The Z as you have above is a perfect opportunity to place that reformed spammer on display to the adoring masses.

Indeed, his sessions with Bunny were most fruitful. I am sure he would attest to that fact were he to grace us with his presence. Oh sure, he lost a few limbs in the process...but it wasn't anything our medical staff couldn't sew back on, or reconstruct. And I do believe he ended up having a very close and personal relationship with Bunny.

Alas, poor Bunny. Let us observe a moment of silence in respect of her passing last year.

*sniff*

AmpaSand · Post by **AmpaSand** » Tue May 15, 2007 12:45 am

COMMunicators don't need backbones. It stops you getting out of tight holes.

Plus.

I have a COMMunist Ray!

Turns enemies into spam!!! every body is useless now!

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Tue May 15, 2007 12:54 am

Hmmm...we really ought to do something about that cerebral imbalance you suffer from there. *whips out a silver clipboard*

I do believe a visit with Herr Doktor is in order for you, Monsieur AmpaSand. :mischief:

Kipi · Post by **Kipi** » Tue May 15, 2007 2:26 am

Chanak wrote:Ah, very well then. You can move along to 36 hours of "Teletubbies."

What part in Teletubbies support our cause?

But as a way to torment enemy agents, it's perfect

AmpaSand · Post by **AmpaSand** » Tue May 15, 2007 2:31 am

Chanak wrote:Hmmm...we really ought to do something about that cerebral imbalance you suffer from there. *whips out a silver clipboard*

I do believe a visit with Herr Doktor is in order for you, Monsieur AmpaSand. :mischief:

Been there done that. he resigned and let me play with the electroshock therapy machine YAY!

Magelord648 · Post by **Magelord648** » Sat May 19, 2007 2:30 pm

Anybody home?

Fiberfar · Post by **Fiberfar** » Sat May 19, 2007 6:46 pm

Magelord648 wrote:Anybody home?

Nope, it's 3:00 AM here and I'm not around