Something or another wars episode V: The spam comes back

TheAmazingOopah · Post by **TheAmazingOopah** » Mon Jun 18, 2007 9:54 am

Ah yes, retreating to your stack to get "in the zone", I know that, that's a good idea.

However, it's so cold, dark and harsh down here. Here, let me redecorate it!

Covers all the floors, walls and ceilings with pink, fluffy carpets

There, now that looks a lot more friendly.

I wonder what the general will think of the new look when he comes here in 5 minutes for the inspection round. I think he will just luuuuuuuuuv it!

kathycf · Post by **kathycf** » Mon Jun 18, 2007 5:52 pm

So, what's happening in the land of spam (or spam like substances) ? I am far too lazy today to read any previous pages. Lazy!

:laugh:

DesR85 · Post by **DesR85** » Mon Jun 18, 2007 7:29 pm

TheAmazingOopah wrote: Covers all the floors, walls and ceilings with pink, fluffy carpets

There, now that looks a lot more friendly. I wonder what the general will think of the new look when he comes here in 5 minutes for the inspection round. I think he will just luuuuuuuuuv it!

He'll more likely freak out than enjoy it, to be honest. He detests pink.

All he wants to do is to check on the condition of the bunker. Make sure it can withstand a lot of punishment, have adequate supplies and ammunition, the usual inspection.

AmpaSand · Post by **AmpaSand** » Mon Jun 18, 2007 10:44 pm

So in all aspects RUSSIAN? That's what they do...

BTW GO THE ST LAURANCE SAINTS!!!!!

Wellingtons basket ball team. Look us up

TheAmazingOopah · Post by **TheAmazingOopah** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:13 am

The general walks in

"Good day to you, soldier, how are we doing tod-......

WHAT IN THE LORD'S NAME IS GOING ON DOWN HERE??? HAS THE WHOLE ARMY TURNED WILL & GRACE???? YOU BETTER HAVE SOME GOOD EXPLAINATION FOR THIS, SOLDIER, AND YOU BETTER HAVE IT QUICK!!

"

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:29 pm

Poop Rolls Downhill

You think the General is bad? Hehe, then obviously you haven't met the First Sergeant (we'll call him "Top"), the Company's highest ranking non-commissioned officer.

*Top storms into the bunker with the cowering Platoon Sergeant (Sergeant First Class Jenkins) in tow. Outside the bunker, the Section Chief, Staff Sergeant Williams, makes a quick getaway in the squad Jeep. The Squad Leader, Sergeant Pickins, jumps in the back as it speeds off*

Top: Awright Jenkins, let's see how your ducks line up in this bunker. They better be straight and quacking in perfect harmony or I *will* insert my shiny boot so far up your rear-end, you'll tie my bootlaces every time you sneeze.

SFC Jenkins: S-s-sure thing Top, I was just in here yesterday, and had the privates buff the dirt floor and wax the radio table...

*SFC Jenkins notices the other NCOs have took off, and begins sweating profusely*

Top: *catches sight of the pink carpet*

Top: *turns several shades of red*

Top: *calmly turns to look at SFC Jenkins*

Top: Are you a religious man, Jenkins?

SFC Jenkins: *stammering profusely* W-w-w-well not really, grandpa was an atheist, and my mom was...well, and my dad he...and I...I...I...

Top: I suggest gettin' that way with a quickness, son. You're gonna need it after I'm done with you.

Moral of the story: In the military, poop rolls downhill. Sure, the Platoon Sergeant is going to have a new one ripped...but the Privates are going to pay dearly for it.

Magelord648 · Post by **Magelord648** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 2:56 pm

OOh. Military stuff is funny.

This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The transcipt of the Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval operations on the 10th october 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship, I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: Number One, I say again, divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north. Thats on five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Fiberfar · Post by **Fiberfar** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 4:27 pm

"This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north. Thats on five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship."

Wonder what he would be willing to do... Blast them to kingdom come?

DesR85 · Post by **DesR85** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:50 pm

Pink bunker.... *shudders* Creepy.....

Fiberfar wrote: Wonder what he would be willing to do... Blast them to kingdom come?

Why else would he say that?

AmpaSand · Post by **AmpaSand** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:13 pm

He is a muderous sociopath?

Military quote #2. The stipes go up and so do the gripes. Saving private ryan.

Still, that General could have smiled?

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Tue Jun 19, 2007 11:56 pm

Magelord648 wrote:OOh. Military stuff is funny.

Wonder how many times that skit or what it is, is being told on the web. Have seen it numerous times on GB as well

TheAmazingOopah · Post by **TheAmazingOopah** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:11 am

@Chanak, Bravo, sir! Excellent militairy humour!:laugh: You definitely outbeat me on the military slang

@Magelord, So that actually happened? I always thought that that was just part of the joke. Wow, when it's actually true, it's even funnier!

@Des, Sorry, bud, we ran out on the cream yellow

Fiberfar · Post by **Fiberfar** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:27 am

DesR85 wrote: Why else would he say that?

He could be having a bad day. Heavens! Perhaps all the coffee was gone, or their toilets plugged or something.

Edit: Or if the captain was a she, could it be that one time a month to unleash hell upon a lighthouse?

AmpaSand · Post by **AmpaSand** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 1:43 am

No he had his personality physically changed upon reaching hat rank

Kipi · Post by **Kipi** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 3:53 am

Fiberfar wrote:He could be having a bad day. Heavens! Perhaps all the coffee was gone, or their toilets plugged or something.

If it was the coffee, then I surely the ship wouldn't even move.
Trust me, I have personally experienced that, when the ship I served ran out of coffee, we sticked in harbour till we get some.

DesR85 · Post by **DesR85** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:09 am

AmpaSand wrote:No he had his personality physically changed upon reaching hat rank

How? Someone brainwashed or did a memory wipe on him?

Fiberfar · Post by **Fiberfar** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:14 am

DesR85 wrote:How? Someone brainwashed or did a memory wipe on him?

Damned Intellect Devourers!

Kipi · Post by **Kipi** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:58 pm

Fiberfar wrote:Damned Intellect Devourers!

I believe you meant "Damned Mind Flyers!"

Fiberfar · Post by **Fiberfar** » Wed Jun 20, 2007 3:42 pm

Kipi wrote:I believe you meant "Damned Mind Flyers!"

Same crap, different wrapping

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:18 am

TheAmazingOopah wrote:@Chanak, Bravo, sir! Excellent militairy humour!:laugh: You definitely outbeat me on the military slang

Well...that might be due to the fact that it's all inspired by actual experience. I've heard and witnessed some things while I was in that would curl a horse's hair. Here's a few more (admittedly tame) snippets.

*Said by a Colonel from the Inspector General's office as he addressed the officers of my unit in Kaiserslautern, Germany, in response to seeing a table full of donuts and coffee they laid out for him and his inspection team*

"What's this? Got something to hide? Trying to kiss my butt? I assure you that my britches are poopy and you will not enjoy the experience. *Waves his hand in the air as he storms off to the unit document room* Give that crap to the Privates. They deserve it."

*Said by one of my Drill Sergeants in Basic Training after we returned to the barracks from some rigorous field exercises*

"Privates, you stink like goats. Your stench offends my nostrils. You will double-time to the showers and report to your soap. You will stand at attention and wash your reeking bodies until my Grandmother in Puerto Rico gives the all-clear. What...you're still standing here??? Move out!"