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"What's the matter Col. Sanders ? Chicken ?" Dark Helmet to Col Sanders in "Spaceballs"

Film quotes are fun. Here are a few from one of the funniest films I've ever seen, Ninotchka:

"The last mass trials have been a great success. There are going to be fewer but better Russians."

"A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade. I've been fascinated by your Five-Year Plan for the last fifteen years."

"Now don't misunderstand me. I do not hold your frivolity against you. As basic material, you may not be bad. But you are the unfortunate product of a doomed culture. I feel very sorry for you."

"Is this what you call the butler? ...Good evening, comrade. This man is very old. You shouldn't make him work...He looks sad. Do you whip him?"

"Ninotchka, it's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half."

"You're the most adorable cog in the wheel of evolution I've ever seen. Ninotchka, let me confess something. Never did I dream I could feel like this toward a sergeant."

Film quotes are fun. Here are a few from one of the funniest films I've ever seen, Ninotchka:

"The last mass trials have been a great success. There are going to be fewer but better Russians."

"A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade. I've been fascinated by your Five-Year Plan for the last fifteen years."

"Now don't misunderstand me. I do not hold your frivolity against you. As basic material, you may not be bad. But you are the unfortunate product of a doomed culture. I feel very sorry for you."

"Is this what you call the butler? ...Good evening, comrade. This man is very old. You shouldn't make him work...He looks sad. Do you whip him?"

"Ninotchka, it's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half."

"You're the most adorable cog in the wheel of evolution I've ever seen. Ninotchka, let me confess something. Never did I dream I could feel like this toward a sergeant."

EDIT: Changed my mind, the French quotes are a bit too offencive.

I won't waste a post, so have some "Un-Funny" quotes insted.

"Battle: To untie with your teeth, a political knot, that will not yeald to the tuonge" - Ambrose Berse

"If it's called the cave of no return, how does anyone know what's in it?" - Black Mage

"Sorry to be insenceitive about our fallen freind, but i've got paladin Scrapnel in my head!" - Nodwick

"Jump on my sword while you can evil, I won't a as gental!" - Minsc

"Don't knock it till you try it, one up the bum, no harm done" - My Cusin

Bierce, rather than Berse. I normally don't correct spelling in a non-professional capacity, it's picky and condescending, IMO, but when we're dealing with somebody's last name, it's often impossible to find things by them when the spelling is off.

Here are some other charmers by Bierce, from his Devil's Dictionary:

"Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting."

"Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen."

"Telescope: A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice."

"Patriot: One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors."

"Teetotaler: One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally."

Just to bring this thread back to attention, since Xandax mentioned it recently, here are a few good ones you may not have seen, elsewhere:

"All of us must indulge in a few small follies if we are to make reality bearable." -Marcel Proust

"It would be nice to know whether it is literature that is corrupting morality or morality that is corrupting literature." -Alfred Capus

"I hate the cowardly kind of idealism, the kind that turns its eyes away from life's miseries and the weakness of the spirit. This must be said to a nation prone to fall for the deceptive illusions of sonorous words: the heroic lie is an act of cowardice. There is only one kind of heroism in the world: this is to see the world as it is, and to love it." -Romain Rolland

"The point of war is not to die for your country, it is to amke sure that the other S.O.B. dies for his."
-General George S. Patton


"In God we trust"
- Dollar Bill
First amendment anyone?

" Everyone wants what you have, but hates who you are" -Over There

Scarlett: "Rhett,Rhett....Rhett,if you go,where shall I go? What shall I do?
Rhett Butler:"Frankly,my dear, I dont give a damn" -Gone with the Wind

"This conversation has no purpose, Dave.
Goodbye." Hal.
"Talk to me Hal" Dave.

"So, Ripley, I heard you faced those things before. Whad did you do back then?" Joner
"I died" Ripley

Heres one to bring back memories:

"Quoth the raven, Nevermore"
-Edgar Allen Poe
People say alcholism is a bad things, but look at all that alcholics have broughten to us, look at Poe."
-Phreddie

From Blackadder goes forth
Lt. George: "So, Captain, if we should happen to tread on a mine, what do we do?"
Captain Blackadder: "Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter yourself over a wide area."

From a colleague here in Liberia:
"Yes. Friday night, social life"

"Welcome to Cancun, the breeding ground of chlamydia."
-assistant manager at my job

When she said that, I almost fell over in the middle of the store, laughing (if you want to know how it even came up, I made a snide remark on how Hurricane Wilma seemed to be vacationing in Cancun, then she talked about how she thought it was dumb to go to Cancun just to party...)

A few from the 2nd series of Blackadder.

Bishop of Bath & Wells: ... You see, I am a colossal pervert. No form of sexual depravity is too low for me. Animal, vegetable or mineral -- I'll do anything to anything.
Edmund BlackAdder : Fine words for a Bishop. It's nice to hear the Church speaking out for a change on social issues.


Edmund Blackadder: Not good enough. You're fired.
Baldrick: But, My Lord, I've been in your family since 1532!
Edmund Blackadder: So has syphilis. Now get out.


Edmund Blackadder: Size is no guarantee of quality, Baldrick. Most horses are very well endowed, but that does not necessarily make them sensitive lovers.


Lord Percy: Erm, er, yes, er, well, Lord Whiteadder, er, a vow of silence... Now, that's quite an interesting thing... Tell me about it.

Some quotes from different people/groups:

"We are all going to hell, I'm just trying to get the best seat"
Heard from friend of mine

"Eventually all paths will lead to the cemetery" - from song of Sentenced

and one in Finnish (translation is under the quote)

"Jonakin päivänä lakkaa ihminen kuolemasta.
Se on hänen loppunsa" -Samuli Paronen
(Some day finally man will stop dying.
That will be his end)

Our president has received 3 milion dollars ilegally from mr Fidel Castro, on whiskey bottles, during his campaign to become a president. We are having serious problems with corruption in the government. I'll quote his "default" saying when the crisis with other corrupt people were discovered:

"We will search and discover everyone who's responsible to this and we will punish them"

Among the soccer team paralels (yeah, the compares the soccer teams with being president) and other stupid stuff, that's the only thing I could quote.

Oh, his name is Luis Inácio Lula da Silva.

not sure if it is posted..

"life is dangerous! no one has survived" -heard it somewhere

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
Arthur C. Clarke

*bumps the thread with his shoulder*

"Fear is a very important feeling to have. It helps you to stay together. It helps you race longer ... and live longer."
(Ayrton Senna)

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Since I'm sure that everyone loves quotes from that great icon of our generation, Mike Tyson, I thought I'd throw this one in. Here's what he said after getting beaten by Lennox Lewis when a reporter asked him what his next carrer move would be:

"I don't know man. I guess I'm just gonna fade into Bolivian."

Some favorite quotes of mine from Motorhead

I don't know if the other person in the band who's making comments to the crowd is guitarist Phil Campbell or Drummer Mikkey Dee, but I have a hunch it's Phil. Anyways, these are from their live album "Everything Louder Than Everyone Else", which was recorded in Hamburg, Germany in 1998 (and released the folowing year).

1) *right after playing 'Metropolis'*
Lemmy: Okay, moving right along!
Phil: Thank you! Cheers!
Lemmy: Cheers! (Then says "Cheers!" in German, to the delight of the crowd)
Phil: Are there any alcoholics here tonight?
Lemmy: Huh? Somebody broke? This next one is, uh... oh! Alcoholics! Are there any alcoholics here? *good portion of the audience cheers* Welcome home! laugh
Lemmy: Actually, we're not alcoholics. We just like it, socially.

2) *after playing 'The Chase is Better Than the Catch'*
Lemmy: *crowd starts chanting "Motorhead!"* How true. This one's a really fast song. No, no, really! Don't dance to this, you'll (bleep) yourselves up! laugh