Job security 101
999 Ways to get fired
- Bloodstalker
- Posts: 15512
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60. Dress in the same clothes as your boss and follow them constantly everyday. Works best when your boss is the opposite gender.
61. Don't show up.
62. If you do show up, don't leave (until you get fired).
63. At meetings, exclaim "I've got a great idea! No... wait... I've lost it, sorry." constantly.
64. At meetings, whenever the boss suggests something, exclaim "I was just going to say that!" or "Thats what I was thinking of!".
65. Try and fire them first.
66. If they have a nice leather "executive" chair, wheel it into you cubical and replace it with yours.
67. Don't shave, cut your hair, cut your nails, bathe or change clothes.
61. Don't show up.
62. If you do show up, don't leave (until you get fired).
63. At meetings, exclaim "I've got a great idea! No... wait... I've lost it, sorry." constantly.
64. At meetings, whenever the boss suggests something, exclaim "I was just going to say that!" or "Thats what I was thinking of!".
65. Try and fire them first.
66. If they have a nice leather "executive" chair, wheel it into you cubical and replace it with yours.
67. Don't shave, cut your hair, cut your nails, bathe or change clothes.
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- dragon wench
- Posts: 19609
- Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2001 10:00 pm
- Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
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68. If you are female, do not shave your legs, and wear short skirts. For added effect, hoot loudly in a chimp-like manner whenever somebody in the office cracks a joke.
69. Inaugerate a new practice, "cross-dressing Fridays"
70. Bring a Ouija board to staff meetings. When it is your turn to speak, give the appearance of entering a trance, and inform everyone that you are invoking the spirits of all who have ever worked there so that they too can participate.
69. Inaugerate a new practice, "cross-dressing Fridays"
70. Bring a Ouija board to staff meetings. When it is your turn to speak, give the appearance of entering a trance, and inform everyone that you are invoking the spirits of all who have ever worked there so that they too can participate.
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Originally posted by dragon wench
70. Bring a Ouija board to staff meetings. When it is your turn to speak, give the appearance of entering a trance, and inform everyone that you are invoking the spirits of all who have ever worked there so that they too can participate.![]()
LMAO...!!!
71. Knock on your bosses door. When he says "I'm coming."
Tell him, "That's what they all say !"
72. Make out with a co-worker in your office and forget to lock the door !
73. When your bosses wife is visiting, pop your head in the door and ask if he knows where your black bra is
Scayde Moody
(Pronounced Shayde)
The virtue of self sacrifice is the lie perpetuated by the weak to enslave the strong
74. Display pictures of Michael Milken all around your office/cubicle. Begin "loitering" around the IT room, casually looking over shoulders at log-in screens.
75. Arrange a "personal meeting" with your boss during lunch. Show up with a Catholic priest in tow. When your boss asks about this, say you had noticed he/she was demonically possessed lately, and - being a conscientous employee - you knew they wouldn't mind you setting up a lunch-hour exorcism.
75. Arrange a "personal meeting" with your boss during lunch. Show up with a Catholic priest in tow. When your boss asks about this, say you had noticed he/she was demonically possessed lately, and - being a conscientous employee - you knew they wouldn't mind you setting up a lunch-hour exorcism.
CYNIC, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
-[url="http://www.alcyone.com/max/lit/devils/a.html"]The Devil's Dictionary[/url]
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
-[url="http://www.alcyone.com/max/lit/devils/a.html"]The Devil's Dictionary[/url]
Work climate seems awful w'yall'at
I do this all the time, and I haven't been "made redundant" yet. I've even tried "You've got to be a complete moron to believe that would work", and Im still here... unfortunately
Since "casual friday" is more of a "casual anyday" in this country (well, with the exception of banks and lawyers I guess), we were actually considering to:
76. Start a political election campaign for your main competitors CEO, stating you can personally vouch for him being a good guy.
... probably would.
Originally posted by Maharlika
35. tell him right off that you know better than he does (most especially if it's the truth)
![]()
I do this all the time, and I haven't been "made redundant" yet. I've even tried "You've got to be a complete moron to believe that would work", and Im still here... unfortunately
Since "casual friday" is more of a "casual anyday" in this country (well, with the exception of banks and lawyers I guess), we were actually considering to:
Wouldn't get you fired here, though, and neither would most of the methods suggested here.
69. Inaugerate a new practice, "cross-dressing Fridays"
76. Start a political election campaign for your main competitors CEO, stating you can personally vouch for him being a good guy.
... probably would.
The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations David Friedman
- Maharlika
- Posts: 5991
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75a.
...not just a Catholic priest, a Cardinal at that!
btw, did you know that in the Philippines, the Archbishop of Manila's name is Cardinal Sin?
Yup, his favorite lines to his guest is "Welcome to the House of Sin."
@Silur: Good for you then.
Your boss has Constructive Criticism in his vocabulary.
Here in Thailand such is not the case.
...not just a Catholic priest, a Cardinal at that!
btw, did you know that in the Philippines, the Archbishop of Manila's name is Cardinal Sin?
@Silur: Good for you then.
"There is no weakness in honest sorrow... only in succumbing to depression over what cannot be changed." --- Alaundo, BG2
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- dragon wench
- Posts: 19609
- Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2001 10:00 pm
- Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
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Re: 75a.
ROFLMAO!!!
I bet he's popular when it's Confession Time
Originally posted by Maharlika
...not just a Catholic priest, a Cardinal at that!![]()
btw, did you know that in the Philippines, the Archbishop of Manila's name is Cardinal Sin?Yup, his favorite lines to his guest is "Welcome to the House of Sin."
![]()
ROFLMAO!!!

I bet he's popular when it's Confession Time

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- dragon wench
- Posts: 19609
- Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2001 10:00 pm
- Location: The maelstrom where chaos merges with lucidity
- Contact:
79. If you have a pass, go into the office one weekend and paint all the walls crimson red and bordello black. Once this is done, scatter an assortment of lingerie and sex toys around the various cubicles and reception area (pay special attention to the latter
), and tell everyone on Monday that you were redecorating in order to diversify business opportunities


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81. Bring a football to work and throw it aronud, then tackle a random person. Tell people you're just practicing for the father's football game your son's school is hosting
If I asked, would you answer? Its your problem. Its a deep, deep problem. I have no way to ask about that... I have no elegant way of stepping into your heart without tracking in filth. So I will wait. Someday, when you want to tell me, tell me then. -Bleach
Originally posted by Zelgadis
81. Bring a football to work and throw it aronud, then tackle a random person. Tell people you're just practicing for the father's football game your son's school is hosting
This reminded me of something.
something funny goes here