999 Ways to get fired

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Fri Jul 11, 2003 12:13 am

Yep. And makes you look like a God when you "fix" their computer.

Job security 101

josh · Post by **josh** » Fri Jul 11, 2003 7:39 am

60. Dress in the same clothes as your boss and follow them constantly everyday. Works best when your boss is the opposite gender.

61. Don't show up.

62. If you do show up, don't leave (until you get fired).

63. At meetings, exclaim "I've got a great idea! No... wait... I've lost it, sorry." constantly.

64. At meetings, whenever the boss suggests something, exclaim "I was just going to say that!" or "Thats what I was thinking of!".

65. Try and fire them first.

66. If they have a nice leather "executive" chair, wheel it into you cubical and replace it with yours.

67. Don't shave, cut your hair, cut your nails, bathe or change clothes.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Fri Jul 11, 2003 8:35 am

68. If you are female, do not shave your legs, and wear short skirts. For added effect, hoot loudly in a chimp-like manner whenever somebody in the office cracks a joke.

69. Inaugerate a new practice, "cross-dressing Fridays"

70. Bring a Ouija board to staff meetings. When it is your turn to speak, give the appearance of entering a trance, and inform everyone that you are invoking the spirits of all who have ever worked there so that they too can participate.

Scayde · Post by **Scayde** » Fri Jul 11, 2003 9:02 pm

Originally posted by dragon wench
70. Bring a Ouija board to staff meetings. When it is your turn to speak, give the appearance of entering a trance, and inform everyone that you are invoking the spirits of all who have ever worked there so that they too can participate.

LMAO...!!!

71. Knock on your bosses door. When he says "I'm coming."
Tell him, "That's what they all say !"

72. Make out with a co-worker in your office and forget to lock the door !

73. When your bosses wife is visiting, pop your head in the door and ask if he knows where your black bra is

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sat Jul 12, 2003 1:55 am

74. Display pictures of Michael Milken all around your office/cubicle. Begin "loitering" around the IT room, casually looking over shoulders at log-in screens.

75. Arrange a "personal meeting" with your boss during lunch. Show up with a Catholic priest in tow. When your boss asks about this, say you had noticed he/she was demonically possessed lately, and - being a conscientous employee - you knew they wouldn't mind you setting up a lunch-hour exorcism.

Silur · Post by **Silur** » Sat Jul 12, 2003 4:27 am

Work climate seems awful w'yall'at

Originally posted by Maharlika
35. tell him right off that you know better than he does (most especially if it's the truth )

I do this all the time, and I haven't been "made redundant" yet. I've even tried "You've got to be a complete moron to believe that would work", and Im still here... unfortunately

Since "casual friday" is more of a "casual anyday" in this country (well, with the exception of banks and lawyers I guess), we were actually considering to:

69. Inaugerate a new practice, "cross-dressing Fridays"

Wouldn't get you fired here, though, and neither would most of the methods suggested here.

76. Start a political election campaign for your main competitors CEO, stating you can personally vouch for him being a good guy.

... probably would.

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Sat Jul 12, 2003 12:06 pm

77. During meetings, everytime someone addresses a question to you, stop and consult with a voodoo doll, in the likeness of your boss. If the doll gives you an answer you don't like, stab it until it coughs up the answer you want. If your boss feels the pokes, then it's an added bonus.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Sat Jul 12, 2003 10:09 pm

75a.

...not just a Catholic priest, a Cardinal at that!

btw, did you know that in the Philippines, the Archbishop of Manila's name is Cardinal Sin?

Yup, his favorite lines to his guest is "Welcome to the House of Sin."

@Silur: Good for you then.

Your boss has Constructive Criticism in his vocabulary.

Here in Thailand such is not the case.

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Sun Jul 13, 2003 4:11 pm

78. Boast that you are the majority stockholder and your work as employee is a cover to expose your boss incompetent ability.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sun Jul 13, 2003 4:29 pm

Re: 75a.

Originally posted by Maharlika
...not just a Catholic priest, a Cardinal at that!

btw, did you know that in the Philippines, the Archbishop of Manila's name is Cardinal Sin? Yup, his favorite lines to his guest is "Welcome to the House of Sin."

ROFLMAO!!!

I bet he's popular when it's Confession Time

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sun Jul 13, 2003 11:52 pm

79. If you have a pass, go into the office one weekend and paint all the walls crimson red and bordello black. Once this is done, scatter an assortment of lingerie and sex toys around the various cubicles and reception area (pay special attention to the latter

), and tell everyone on Monday that you were redecorating in order to diversify business opportunities

Idioteque · Post by **Idioteque** » Mon Jul 14, 2003 1:09 am

80. Whenever anyone asks you a question pull a hamster named Boo out of your pocket and ask him for advice.

Zelgadis · Post by **Zelgadis** » Mon Jul 14, 2003 7:54 am

81. Bring a football to work and throw it aronud, then tackle a random person. Tell people you're just practicing for the father's football game your son's school is hosting

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Mon Jul 28, 2003 11:00 pm

82. Claim you woke up in a Morgue and can't remember who you are. Also claim that there is a floating skull who can't stop following you.

Bloodmist · Post by **Bloodmist** » Tue Jul 29, 2003 12:29 pm

Originally posted by Zelgadis
81. Bring a football to work and throw it aronud, then tackle a random person. Tell people you're just practicing for the father's football game your son's school is hosting

This reminded me of something.