Dwarves in fantasy: Underappreciated?

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Fri May 09, 2003 8:55 pm

Geez, all the elves, humans, and human/elf half-breeds we need, but above all others, Dwarves tend to seem like nothing but axe or hammer-wielding cannon fodder!

Who wishes to see some bearded folk with more prominent roles in fantasy?

Aegis · Post by **Aegis** » Fri May 09, 2003 8:56 pm

Only as long as they maintain their purpose of being hammer and axe wielding cannon fodder.

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Fri May 09, 2003 9:03 pm

Sigh...

Originally posted by Aegis
Only as long as they maintain their purpose of being hammer and axe wielding cannon fodder.

*puts 2 fingers in his mouth, gives a strong whistle, and 10,000 war-ready dwarves, 300 crossbowmen, and 2,000 ready clerics aproach*

Ahem.

Alright, who's ready for a coffee break?

Kameleon · Post by **Kameleon** » Fri May 09, 2003 9:06 pm

Re: Sigh...

Originally posted by Galuf the Dwarf
*puts 2 fingers in his mouth, gives a strong whistle, and 10,000 war-ready dwarves, 300 crossbowmen, and 2,000 ready clerics aproach*

Ahem.

*A large cannon appears on the horizon, rolls over the plains and crushes the dwarves before they can say "Skullcracker"*

Ground beards don't make good coffee

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Fri May 09, 2003 9:08 pm

Re: Re: Sigh...

Originally posted by Kameleon
*A large cannon appears on the horizon, rolls over the plains and crushes the dwarves before they can say "Skullcracker"*

Ground beards don't make good coffee

Um, ouch.

*honestly hopes neither of these posts are flame/devalue material, doesn't want the three of them/us to get banned*

Kameleon · Post by **Kameleon** » Fri May 09, 2003 9:10 pm

If this thread got me or Aegis banned it would truly be the greatest anticlimax in history. Yes, worse than that DCI ep where the werewolf gets Magic Missiled in the balls.

The Z · Post by **The Z** » Fri May 09, 2003 9:45 pm

Dwarves rock. 'Nuf Said.

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Sat May 10, 2003 1:35 am

Re: Sigh...

Originally posted by Galuf the Dwarf
*puts 2 fingers in his mouth, gives a strong whistle, and 10,000 war-ready dwarves, 300 crossbowmen, and 2,000 ready clerics aproach*

Ahem.

Alright, who's ready for a coffee break?

Now that is the problem with Dwarves..... there need to be so many for them to be effective cannonfodder

James Mason · Post by **James Mason** » Sat May 10, 2003 1:39 am

Is Galuf going for the most posts by newest member award? Looks like he beat me.

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Sat May 10, 2003 7:01 am

Originally posted by James Mason
Is Galuf going for the most posts by newest member award? Looks like he beat me.

Not really. I'm just looking to put my input into as many things as I wish.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat May 10, 2003 8:46 am

Originally posted by Galuf the Dwarf
Geez, all the elves, humans, and human/elf half-breeds we need, but above all others, Dwarves tend to seem like nothing but axe or hammer-wielding cannon fodder!

Well, this gets into an area where there has always been a great deal of contention. I mean, of course, the one where people consider the virtues of dwarves, kobolds, and halflings, as alternative cannon fodder during battle. And with all due respect to yourself, I think you really aren't being completely fair to those other races if you don't mention them in this context. After all, dwarves may be able to enter combat from on-high swinging their axes and screaming like elves in heat, but their weight often counteracts all the lift that even the best catapults can provide; while halflings can sometimes catch an updraft in battle and actually direct their pattern of flight. This latter can be a true benefit whose potential shouldn't be overlooked. Imagine a series of halflings pelting the Forces of Evil with olive stones, chicken legs, and roast muttons falling from the heavens! Whole wars have turned upon less.

Yes, I know what you're going to say--but you're wrong. While it is true that halflings will often consume their ammunition in flight, or, given less edible ammunition, look about for a dinner table to land on instead of an orc, it has to be remembered that halflings are leisurely diners. Even the most voracious halfling will not consume more than one-eighth its meal within any given hour, according to studies performed by that eminent pathologist and bon vivant, Dr. Hectronymous Weasel. And while the Forces of Evil are indeed vast, dastardly, powerful, and all in favor of raising taxes, even their horrific might has yet to find a way to keep a meal intact for very long on a battlefield--or to prepare one ahead of time, just in case an airborne army of halflings were going to drop in.

Come we to kobolds. I'm really surprised you haven't even mentioned these little fellows; why, compared to dwarves, kobolds get hardly any press at all! They just calmly go about their business, translating documents from ancient Lithuanian, delivering pizzas, in short, acting just like you or me, if we were very short and gifted with noses as long as the Volga.

But put a kobold in the air during combat, and you'll have to look hard to find a more determined and intelligent projectile. Kobolds have an native fierceness and determination which is often overlooked when they run away from mobs of telemarketers; but it is there, nonetheless. It is a sense of innate pride, an awareness of Koboldness, or that which makes a kobold stand taller when they stand alone; particularly since there isn't anyone larger around to draw comparisons with. It is this core of seriousness that will drive a kobold into airborne battle frenzy, allowing them to carve up the hairdo of a balrog into such a terrible shape that the poor creature has no choice left but that of suicide to avoid permanent shame. Many such cases were in fact recorded during the famous Schlesswig-Genossenshaft-Meingufuhren-aus-Demfeldtraustraufennoggen War of 1310. You will recall that it lasted only a month before both sides gave up in disgust at their inability to accurately spell the name of the hill on which it was being fought; but during that time, the kobolds disposed of *4* Black Riders and a band of really PO'd chipmunks. Few can claim to have accomplished as much, in so short a time, and to so little ultimate effect.

There. I trust, sir, that we hear less exclusively about the dwarves in the future. If not, you shall have a card from my seconds in the morning, and a second card from my thirds if it continues.

HighLordDave · Post by **HighLordDave** » Sat May 10, 2003 9:14 am

Originally posted by Galuf the Dwarf
Geez, all the elves, humans, and human/elf half-breeds we need, but above all others, Dwarves tend to seem like nothing but axe or hammer-wielding cannon fodder!

Maybe so, but at least there's a sport named after the race; after all, how silly does "half-elf tossing" sound?

Scayde · Post by **Scayde** » Sat May 10, 2003 9:22 am

LMAO @ fable

And see boys and girls...this is why fable is a Mod,
his keen sense of fairness and objectivity

fabulous........

Chanak · Post by **Chanak** » Sat May 10, 2003 1:56 pm

Really, halflings make the best missiles around. Dwarves tend to be a bit too stout to throw very far; they are only effective at very close range. In this regard, they serve the purpose very well - for their noggins are hard as a rock, and they're rather ill-tempered upon landing. Langdurf Knee-Smasher, dwarven giant-killer extraordinnaire, often commented that he preferred to launched up close, where his spiked helm could be used to be devasting effect against the nads of ogres and their ilk. Perhaps it is a matter of asthetics, but I much prefer tossing halflings over walls and across moats; they are well-suited for the task. They squeak rather nicely, too, while they're sailing through the air. Dwarves just tend to bellow like a boar with a belly ache.

Now elves...that is another matter. Elf-tossing is a gentleman's sport, reserved for those with refined taste and big pocketbooks to match. It's a rather expensive past time.

Scayde · Post by **Scayde** » Sat May 10, 2003 2:42 pm

Originally posted by Chanak
Now elves...that is another matter. Elf-tossing is a gentleman's sport, reserved for those with refined taste and big pocketbooks to match. It's a rather expensive past time.

LOL.....you're a sick puppy Chan

Nightmare · Post by **Nightmare** » Sat May 10, 2003 2:47 pm

Is this thread going to be Dwarven Throwers, version 2?

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Sun May 11, 2003 7:14 am

Re: Re: Dwarves in fantasy: Underappreciated?

Originally posted by fable
Well, this gets into an area where there has always been a great deal of contention. I mean, of course, the one where people consider the virtues of dwarves, kobolds, and halflings, as alternative cannon fodder during battle. And with all due respect to yourself, I think you really aren't being completely fair to those other races if you don't mention them in this context. After all, dwarves may be able to enter combat from on-high swinging their axes and screaming like elves in heat, but their weight often counteracts all the lift that even the best catapults can provide; while halflings can sometimes catch an updraft in battle and actually direct their pattern of flight. This latter can be a true benefit whose potential shouldn't be overlooked. Imagine a series of halflings pelting the Forces of Evil with olive stones, chicken legs, and roast muttons falling from the heavens! Whole wars have turned upon less.

Yes, I know what you're going to say--but you're wrong. While it is true that halflings will often consume their ammunition in flight, or, given less edible ammunition, look about for a dinner table to land on instead of an orc, it has to be remembered that halflings are leisurely diners. Even the most voracious halfling will not consume more than one-eighth its meal within any given hour, according to studies performed by that eminent pathologist and bon vivant, Dr. Hectronymous Weasel. And while the Forces of Evil are indeed vast, dastardly, powerful, and all in favor of raising taxes, even their horrific might has yet to find a way to keep a meal intact for very long on a battlefield--or to prepare one ahead of time, just in case an airborne army of halflings were going to drop in.

Come we to kobolds. I'm really surprised you haven't even mentioned these little fellows; why, compared to dwarves, kobolds get hardly any press at all! They just calmly go about their business, translating documents from ancient Lithuanian, delivering pizzas, in short, acting just like you or me, if we were very short and gifted with noses as long as the Volga.

But put a kobold in the air during combat, and you'll have to look hard to find a more determined and intelligent projectile. Kobolds have an native fierceness and determination which is often overlooked when they run away from mobs of telemarketers; but it is there, nonetheless. It is a sense of innate pride, an awareness of Koboldness, or that which makes a kobold stand taller when they stand alone; particularly since there isn't anyone larger around to draw comparisons with. It is this core of seriousness that will drive a kobold into airborne battle frenzy, allowing them to carve up the hairdo of a balrog into such a terrible shape that the poor creature has no choice left but that of suicide to avoid permanent shame. Many such cases were in fact recorded during the famous Schlesswig-Genossenshaft-Meingufuhren-aus-Demfeldtraustraufennoggen War of 1310. You will recall that it lasted only a month before both sides gave up in disgust at their inability to accurately spell the name of the hill on which it was being fought; but during that time, the kobolds disposed of *4* Black Riders and a band of really PO'd chipmunks. Few can claim to have accomplished as much, in so short a time, and to so little ultimate effect.

There. I trust, sir, that we hear less exclusively about the dwarves in the future. If not, you shall have a card from my seconds in the morning, and a second card from my thirds if it continues.

*starts ROTFLHAO uncontrollably*

*between gasps and fits of laughter* Oh course... I... never forget about... halflings... gnomes...and ....gobli... nkin... It's.... just so pointed out... that human and elf-kin... get all the fun!

*passes out, out of breath*

Nippy · Post by **Nippy** » Sun May 11, 2003 7:50 am

You're killing yourself with laughter over that? You should do a search for Dwarven Throwers of the board.

Now they're class.

frogus · Post by **frogus** » Sun May 11, 2003 8:12 am

Could this be the Moderator's Stone?

The secret joke that never gets old?

Hell, fish-slapping has lasted very well - but frankly I think it may be slightly past the sell by date.

Dwarven Throwers on the other hand, just seem to get better with age.

*reloads Fable's ammo belt*

Galuf the Dwarf · Post by **Galuf the Dwarf** » Mon May 12, 2003 7:35 am

*wakes up, watching his clan buddies getting catapulted* (Sigh)
Bruenor, I envy you.