A lil' something I wrote

Rookierookie · Post by **Rookierookie** » Mon Jan 03, 2005 2:15 am

Three pieces of paper today. One less than yesterday.

John trod the road with his heavy bag as his companion. Thick glasses masked his deformed eyes. There were dirt patches on his otherwise sparkling clean uniform.

At the end of the road stood a tall, handsome boy. James, the top student in the class, was smiling at John. It was a warm, happy smile. His eyes were sparkling clear, supplementing his smile. He raised his hand.

And threw a piece of paper at John.

John walked past without a word.

Four pieces of paper today. Same as yesterday.

* * *

In the dawning sun’s light, James walked lightly to school. In his bag was a healthy supply of paper.

His smile was warm, happy. His eyes were sparkling clear, supplementing his smile.

Such did he lie in the bushes. With his supply of paper was a bloodied brick.

Not far away, John trod the road with his heavy bag as his companion. Thick glasses masked his deformed eyes. There were dirt patches on his otherwise sparkling clean uniform.

* * *

John trod the road with his heavy bag as his companion. Thick glasses masked his deformed eyes. There were dirt patches on his otherwise sparkling clean uniform. He wore a black armband on his left arm. In his bag was a brick.

The end of the road was empty.

Three pieces of paper today. One less than yesterday.

(I never thought I would do something as pathetic as making this thread, but here I am. Feel free to flame me if you like. Or, if you are feeling nice, I would appreciate some comments, and even your own writings.)

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Mon Jan 03, 2005 2:35 am

I'm curious, what inspired you to write this if you don't mind my asking. I used to write poetry quite often and I only wrote when something specifically inspired me so I always wonder what makes someone write what they've written.

CM · Post by CM » Mon Jan 03, 2005 8:36 am

Well written. It is very subtle, which is something writers do rarely, even though I do not agree with the imagry protrayed

Vicsun · Post by **Vicsun** » Mon Jan 03, 2005 8:39 am

Well written and thoroughly enjoyable. I liked it. It was quite sober and I found it surprisingly light-hearted, which is odd considering the subject matter.

edit: I'd post something I've written but I'm afraid I'll be labeled a pretentious jerk

(that, and I can't find it anywhere...)

ik911 · Post by **ik911** » Mon Jan 03, 2005 8:40 am

It has a certain touch to it. Open ended, I like that.
Three parts: Situation, Change, Changed situation.
I think it's a bit simple, but some expensive paintings are too...
It's not minimalistic, but not very detailed either.
It's not an adventure, but not very all-day too. Although it has this all-day attitude, with the repetetive thingy going on.

It kinda swings to left and right. This leaves the balance somewhere in the middle (not very special)...

Yayap · Post by **Yayap** » Mon Jan 03, 2005 8:54 am

very well written i love it. you dont see much good writhing these days