Caenorhabditis Elegans' practice of mental welfare

moltovir · Post by **moltovir** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 4:18 am

It has come to my attention that most people at SYM, young and old alike, suffer from some serious psychic distortion. Because SYM is the place where all the world's most highly educated individuals gather to talk about today's and tomorrow's problems, we can not let this mental decay continue without endangering the future of Humanity itself! Therefore I have, with the cooperation of Her Enlightened Shrinkness, founded the...

Caenorhabditis Elegans' Practice of Mental Welfare

The following individuals have already signed up for treatment:

- Oozae, with his doubts concerning his veritable gender
- Magrus, with his excessive addiction to alcohol
- Brynn, with her depression following the loss of her devote followers to the MCOPCDAWD
- Ideal Maxima, with his early-life suidicide plans
- CM, with his doubts whether he should follow his Islamic beliefs or his perverted mind
- Luis Antionio, with his love for Brynn which has becomen a mind-devouring obsession
- Dragon Wench, with her compulsive habbit of opening boudoir threads for other members
- Gwalchmai, with his state of euphoric madness caused by DF-hugs

They are all rich enough to have an internet connection and a depression, so they have the money to buy a planeticket to... the snowy taiga of Sweden!

You arrive at Stockholm-Arlanda Airport...
And, to your surprise, this nice limousine is waiting for you.
The limousine is completely soundproof to cut you off from the tumult of nowaday's busy society. When the limo leaves Stockholm, you find yourself silently driving past a beautiful landscape of snowy pines and pitoresque houses. Some hours later, you arrive at a small village, seemingly cut off from the outher world. The limo drives a little further, and stops in front of a large wooden house. Inside, you are directed to your room by a friendly old lady. It's 4 o'clock already: time for the first session to begin! You walk to the third floor, under the roof, and you lie down on the cosy couch. CE enters, you have a little introduction chat, and then you start talking. Therapy has begun...

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 4:59 am

So, mylady, where's the bar?

If you do not want, or like these types of posts in this thread, tell me and I'll come for a serious session. I'm messed up, I know.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 5:07 am

My new private practise, what a nice place, you have done an excellent job, Moltovir.

And a assume you fixed those "special treatment" cells in the cellar? With all the necessary "equipment"?

[QUOTE=Sytze]So, mylady, where's the bar?

[/QUOTE]

Bah, there is no alcohol or other "entertainment" drugs served here, this is a place for treatment of disorder! The only drugs served here are the ones prescribed by me and I can assure they are not entertaining

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 5:47 am

Very well then. My disorder is that I smile too much, even when I'm not that happy. This is regarded as quite strange in a few circumstances. Especially when I talk with women; I have the tendency to smile a lot, if not all the time. How can this be treated? Please help.

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 5:58 am

My problem, I'm ashamed to admit, is that I have a reading disorder (although everyone knows I'm polemic). When I first read the title of this message thread, I thought it said "mental warfare", and I began to wonder about things like, "Is warfare the mind's only hygiene?" Please advise.

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:23 am

Wow! I love this house

Thought I don't mind anybody joining the MCWHATEVERCULT, I'll try my best to act mental, so that I can stay a little longer - I love wooden houses surrounded with snow

What this straitjacket on CM?

Ahoy, Luh!

giles337 · Post by **giles337** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:27 am

[QUOTE=Sytze]Very well then. My disorder is that I smile too much, even when I'm not that happy. This is regarded as quite strange in a few circumstances. Especially when I talk with women; I have the tendency to smile a lot, if not all the time. How can this be treated? Please help.[/QUOTE]

Hmmmm.... That problem afflicts me as well.

<- See!

(seriously though. I do smile too much.)

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:29 am

[QUOTE=Sytze]Very well then. My disorder is that I smile too much, even when I'm not that happy. This is regarded as quite strange in a few circumstances. Especially when I talk with women; I have the tendency to smile a lot, if not all the time. How can this be treated? Please help.[/QUOTE]

Dear Sytze,

Clearly something serious is wrong with you and I would recommend you to do a thorough brain scan, but for the time being while waiting for the results, and since I don't think there is much hope for you anyway, you would have to learn to develop your coping skills. You should exercise your facial muscles in front of the mirror daily for at least 15 minutes, and reshape you smile to look happy and appreciating rather than gleeful, or even stupid. If you manage to make your smile look flirtatious and appreciative, you can use it to your advantage - especially when talking to women.

[quote="VonDondu]
When I first read the title of this message thread"]

Dear VonDondu,

I also read it as "mental warfare" instead of welfare at first. Thus, we can conclude that this is not a problem at all, it's only a sign of our brilliant and highly intelligent minds.

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:35 am

Oh, are we supposed to talk about our problems? Okay.
Help me, doctor, I feel like sitting at home all week doing nothing. And I'm sitting at home all week doing nothing. Is that really a problem?

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:41 am

Brynn wrote:Oh, are we supposed to talk about our problems?

Nah, you don't really need to talk about your problems if you don't have any. You can also just hang around and point your finger at the suffering imbeciles and give out load nasty laughs at how miserable they are. I do recommend wearing a straitjacket and do some facial grimaces every now and then though, just to fit in better.

Help me, doctor, I feel like sitting at home all week doing nothing. And I'm sitting at home all week doing nothing. Is that really a problem?

A young pretty women as yourself should not be sitting at home all week doing nothing. My advice is you get some handsome boys to visit you and entertain you at least 3 times a week. If you have problems finding any, I can write you a prescription and you will get them from my treatment service.

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:50 am

Oh, my "doing nothing" plan actually included four nights with a boy (I've only one right now, do you think I need more?), an archery training and a trip to Vienna. Just to ease my boredom, you know

[Quote=CE]Nah, you don't really need to talk about your problems if you don't have any. You can also just hang around and point your finger at the suffering imbeciles and give out load nasty laughs at how miserable they are.[/quote]
That's not a bad way to spend a day... Er.. I mean... Hehe, Cimmy, you look cool in white!

Kakukk!

giles337 · Post by **giles337** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:52 am

get some handsome boys to visit you and entertain you

Piiiick meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:56 am

No, you're too young. Kakukk

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 7:39 am

[QUOTE=Brynn]Oh, my "doing nothing" plan actually included four nights with a boy (I've only one right now, do you think I need more?), an archery training and a trip to Vienna. Just to ease my boredom, you know

[/QUOTE]

You may need more than one, depending on the stamina of that one. I would say most healthy young women need at least 2, optimally three. If not for their lack of endurance, at least for variation.

[quote="Giles]Piiiick meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! [/quote"]

According to Swedish law you are not to young since age of consent is 15 here. However, this is a serious clinic, so you can't just jump in and start amateurish treatment. You must apply to our training program, and if you get accepted, you will first have to take the required courses and pass the exams, before you come in question as staff in our Treatment Service. Staff that are sent home to patients must also complete the "mobile training" course in addition to the basic training.

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 7:42 am

*chuckles* You think my mental problem is excessive drinking? Oh thats cute. If someone could truly solve the riddles of whats wrong with me, I'd gladly serve and obey them for their troubles.

Locke Da'averan · Post by **Locke Da'averan** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 7:49 am

well nothing wrong with me(not going to admit anything) but i am here to report for the courses for treatment courtes..i mean service

i'm 21 187cm 84kg and usually everyone notices that i'm a human male

.. so what's the exams..?

Yeltsu · Post by **Yeltsu** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 8:00 am

[QUOTE=CE]you can also just hang around and point your finger at the suffering imbeciles and give out load nasty laughs at how miserable they are.[/QUOTE]

*points at all the funny sick people* HA HA

Do I have a problem? I don't know...

CE I have a problem! I don't know what my problem is!

Luis Antonio · Post by **Luis Antonio** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 8:12 am

[QUOTE=moltovir]
- Luis Antionio, with his love for Brynn which has becomen a mind-devouring obsession
[/QUOTE]

Well, its not truth! Its not! I mean... she always tell me she loves me... and stuff... in my dreams.. or when I have a pill... green pill... not purple, purple pills make me remember the aliens... I mean... I'm so nervous and stuff... Could I have a hug? I mean, all this sudden pressure on me, and you saying that I'm obsessed about Brynn... Brynn? I'm not obsessed. I'm not. Yes... I'm... Brynn... *Gazes silently at the wall, lost in thoughts*

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 8:19 am

Whoa, after ten minutes in here ANYBODY would lose his mind

I'll give you a hug only if the security is watching

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 8:22 am

[QUOTE=C Elegans]If you manage to make your smile look flirtatious and appreciative, you can use it to your advantage - especially when talking to women.[/QUOTE] That is the problem. My smile looks too flirtatious, causing women to feel intimidated by me.

[QUOTE=C Elegans]You may need more than one, depending on the stamina of that one. I would say most healthy young women need at least 2, optimally three. If not for their lack of endurance, at least for variation.[/QUOTE] And here I thought men needed at least two to three young women. What's happening to this world?