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Thought I'd share this one...maybe it'll help to liven GB up in it's dead times...

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never
let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) By
maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in c0ckpit.
S: Something tightened in c0ckpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.


P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in c0ckpit.
S: Cat installed ..


And the best one for last.................


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Hahahaha:laugh: that's a good one.

I think I've read it before, but it's always nice reading again.

And trust us Aussies not to have had a problem .

God protect us from airlines.

I chuckled, but just for clarity, Qantas's oft claimed "never had an accident" is actually never had a hull-loss accident. A hull-loss accident is what the industry uses to determine "accident" frequency. Qantas has had a number of serious incidents including one in Thialand where a 747 overran the runway and was repaired at a cost suspected to be in excess of its replacement value. The reason for the costly repair, to maintain the no hull loss record.

It is still an enviable safety record. - Curdis !

Hahahaha :laugh: :laugh: good find rav, gave me a chuckle on what has otherwise been a depressing sunday ...
I take it qantas is an Australian airline? I've never heard of 'em before..

[QUOTE=Ravager]And the best one for last.................


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget[/color][/QUOTE]
So, thats where he went... *calls the Oompa Loompa Retrieval Squad*

[QUOTE=TonyMontana1638]
I take it qantas is an Australian airline? I've never heard of 'em before..[/QUOTE]
Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Services Limited

Queensland and Northen Territory are both states of Australia, which is also why the logo is a kangaroo.

And that's interesting Curdis about the whole crash record, I'll have to remember that.

Nice find Rav. I...er... enjoyed the evidence one.

WOOT! Nicely done, that woke me up with a buzz of laughter.

I just noticed this, I think I've seen it somewhere before. Really funny either way. :laugh:

Yeah, I vaguely remember it too. It may have been up here before.
Wow, you're getting all the new posts on SYM. Making up for lost time?

Yeah buddy. I think I'm going home friday, need my SYM fix for the rest of the month.

Hehe indeed some funny ones. I liked the one with the unbelievably loud volume. :laugh: