writing a book- input appreciated

[Mr.Sticky]

hey everyone, don't know if this has been posted before, i ran a search and nothing came up, so i hope it hasn't.
anyway, i'm writing a book called "Into the Dark". here is a summary of the beginning of the book:
"Gerbash the duergar was at work mining when the announcement came. illithids of the Tlindhet Citadel were moving across the Lightdrinkeer Abyss and marching against the duergar city of Deepburrow. an all-out war against the mind flayers would be disastrous for the duergar, for the illithids mind control abilities would turn the duergar against themselves, against their families, against their own city. they would need more force to defeat the illithids, more force and a grand plan. the only other city in all of Great Bhaerynden that was close enough to arrive with aid before the illithids attacked is Llurth Dreir, but the drow of that city, or of any city for that matter, could not be trusted.
there was a chance that a small group of dwarves could travel across the Spawning Deep and reach the sorcerous duergar city of Cloakerhaven before the illithids attacked, but the chances were slim. once alerted of Deepburrow's plight, the sorcerors of Cloakerhaven would teleport reinforcements back to Deepburrow. the problem was getting to Cloakerhaven in time. crossing the Spawning Deep and the Darklands would take time, and Deepburrow could not afford to have valuable soldiers away if the mind flayers attacked.
so it was decided that a group of four miners would be outfitted with fighting equipment and travel to the city of Cloakerhaven to request reinforcements."

what do you think? input would be appreciated.

[Lasher]

It sounds interesting! No input... but good luck.

[Yshania]

Hi Mr Sticky, and welcome to Gamebanshee!

You ask what we think...what do you think?
(Humbly) I guess if I were to be blunt, and this is not a criticism of your writing abilities, but these tales have been written hundreds of times...something needs to stand out to make a difference, does that make any sense without sounding overly critical? Since it isn't meant to criticize...
Given that there is a recipe that works, something that draws us all to these "lands", it has been done to death. That said, I still believe that although every story has been told, not every storyteller has told it...they just have to experiment a bit, stray from the path if you like?

Just my humble thoughts...

I would be interested to read the development of individual characters, since this would add meat and dimension. Good luck! and keep writing!

[Mr.Sticky]

thanks for the input, and you can be honest. please be honest. if it seems critizing, post it. because i need it to be the best it can be.
what do you think i could add to make it stand out?

edit: oh, and i made a thread in Fan Fiction where this story is used, but you can add your own parts. i want to see how different it turns out from the original story.

[ik911]

I never really like one superpower who waits... It seems so pointless to wait. The mind controlling enemy is clearly a superpower, because they can control minds. I think that you're going to get into some great trouble with that, because what can you do when they control your mind?
Furthermore, it seems a lot like Tolkien's LOTR. It is said that the enemy in that book represents industrialization, which was going on at the time Tolkien wrote it.
The same could apply to your story. It goes further: Lesser Humans (Dwarves/Hobbits) fight against Super-creatures ( illithids / Uruk-Hai ). And further: In a race against time, some 'peasants' (miners in your story) have to deliver an item (ring/message).

Furthermore, I agree completely with Yshania. If you want to make the story work, it has to be special. And that takes skill.

I must also warn you: Writing a book is ambitious, takes commitment and a lot of time.

This all seems discouraging, but writing a book is like going on a fantasy adventure. You'll have difficulties on your way, just like adventurers. You might want or need to quit, just like any adventurer. But remember this: there's never books about heroes who quit along their way, before accomplishing their goal.

[dj_venom]

[QUOTE=ik911]This all seems discouraging, but writing a book is like going on a fantasy adventure. You'll have difficulties on your way, just like adventurers. You might want or need to quit, just like any adventurer. But remember this: there's never books about heroes who quit along their way, before accomplishing their goal.[/QUOTE]

That is a fantastic quote.

And yeah, this does seem a bit used, but hey, my thoughts are...

You can write a book for a few reasons:
1) To make money, therefore have people buy your book
2) For personal satisfaction
3) Say something you've always wanted.

Now, judging by your story, it would be either 1) or 2), not 3) because it's not a personal story.

So, whatever you write a book about, you will accomplish 2), and if you do something that has worked before, and pull it off, you will accomplish 1).

Just write what you want, and let the words flow, that's my thoughts.

[TonyMontana1638]

Dj's right, that was pretty good ik: I'm still dissecting it, looking for some sarcasm I missed though...

Welcome to the boards Mr.sticky and well met .

I don't want top bore you with my amateurish remarks, but I'll say this: one of the big things that separates the bad writers (which you may or may not be, I'm not criticizing and have no idea ) from the better, more experienced ones is pacing yourself. It's a common feeling that when you sit down to write something that you try to get everything your thinking down on paper all at once: don't.
That wasn't a bad opening paragraph or so, but there are way too many details in there that you should reveal later in the book. Heck, you practically conveyed the entire plot in the introductory paragraph! Take it slow and easy because books are loooooooooong. Don't get everything in at once: maybe start up simply by introducing a character doing some menial task, like chipping away at a big stone and saying how boring it is (or how much they enjoy it, or how much they're in love with the waitress back at the watering-hole, anything ). Let that wind about a bit, help the reader get to know the character and then BAM!:speech: Home gets attacked and their world is turned upside down!

None of those specific suggestions may be any good or what you are going for, but my main point would be (once again) don't rush it because you have a lot of writing ahead of you and you don't want to run out of ideas (or overwhelm the reader...).

Anyways good luck to you and your work! Anything else I can do to help, feel free to ask (I'm a much better proofreader than I am critic ... I couldn't write a book if my life depended on it).

[Mr.Sticky]

thanks for all the input. i've completely redone the story in my mind. i'll write a summary here when i finish the details.

[TonyMontana1638]

Ill post this edit here to make sure it's seen, but I didn't realize that was actually a summary and not an opening paragraph , so maybe ignore some of what I said. The main premise, though, I still think may be relavent and helpful.

[Patrick]

Hey sticky and welcome to the board.

I have some comments if you will. First I love the idea of wriing a book, second in forgotten realms setting and third about the underdark.
Good luck. If I could I would like to PM you or you me about some idea's I had, I would like to share and maybe who know you could use them or we could collaberate together on a great story.

I had in mind the predawn of the known world era and following. All based mostly in the underdark but overland too in amounts that do not de-tour that fact. First trolls and their gods and lineage and Locatha's and dopplogangers and politics and intrigue and lots of betrayel. I wanted three trilagies.
Based on this I have the Troll Forge Wars. This is to based alot on dark creaturesa nd thier world, not necassarily demi-humans, though it definatly includes men and the like. I would love to hear more on what you want to write and would love to encourage you, or if in town buy you a beer.

[Krusader]

Ahoy, Mr.Sticky!

It's good to know a fellow writer. Mind you, I'm in the same process myself here.

I won't comment on your story, rather I'll comment on the work itself. Just a few tidbits, I'm quite whacked today (one of the things writing will do to ya, btw).

Your starting paragraph it's awesome... for your initial outline, not for the book itself. See, writing a story is like peeling an onion, you have to do it by layers; if you do it all at once you make a mess.

Plotting takes time. Lots and lots of time. Once you define the problem and the main characters you have to sit down and start creating the profiles for those characters. You have to get to know them, intimately. You have to know their ins and outs, define their personalities which gives the foundation of how they are gonna interact with other characters and the roles they are gonna have in the story. This is very important for consistence, one of the beams that supports your novel/novella/whatever. Since you said you are writing a book, I'm assuming it's either a novel, a novella, or a novelette; therefore, you can (and have to) give your characters plenty of detail, develop them real good; what is their job; what are their preferences and tastes; how they got to where they are now; what kind of experiences they had in their childhood which are influencing the decisions they take in the novel; whether they had foiled or successful love relationships, which influences and/or determine their outlook at love and emotions; et cetera.

Once you have that down then you have to work on how the problem is going to be solved, and feel free to add any side problems anytime. Actually, I encourage you to do it, as it will make the story more interesting.

Then you can sit down to start writing, with the knowledge that things are not set in stone yet. At some point during your writing you can realise things you hadn't ever thought about when you were plotting, and some scenes are gonna change, or maybe that dwarf who was meant to be evil serves better to the book if he turns good sometime during the unfolding of the story, or viceversa.

Finally, as I said, peel the story layer by layer. Don't say everything there is about a character in chapter one. Let the reader find out bit by bit, lest you ruin the fun for him. Nothing more fun like finding out that the comely mature woman who is so intelligent and charming turns out to be a perfect harridan halfway through the book. Which is completely logical if you think of how REAL people are. We don't shew our whole deck to others when we first meet them. Which brings up my last point: your characters have to be as real as possible, even in a fantasy setting. What Tom Clancy said: "the only difference between fiction and reality, is that fiction has to make sense."

Best of luck with your project.