"Vampire" running for Governor.

Fenix · Post by **Fenix** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 1:03 am

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10693414/#060123a

Vampire politics (Willie Geist, Situation Senior Producer)

Jonathon Sharkey isn't the first politician to be accused of being an evil bloodsucker. He might, however, be the first to accuse himself of that. Better known to his base as "The Impaler", Sharkey is a self-proclaimed vampire, Satanist, and semi-professional wrestler. If he gets his way (and vampires typically do), he'll also be the next governor of Minnesota.

In a shrewd political maneuver clearly intended to raise his national profile for an inevitable third-party presidential run, Sharkey discussed his campaign platform with Tucker on "The Situation" this week. He proved himself to be not some wacko with fangs and a cape (well, he does have cape), but rather a common-sense vampire with real solutions for the real problems facing Minnesotans. Sure, some shortsighted voters will have trouble overlooking the fact that Sharkey feeds on human blood, but let's be real here, is that really the most disgusting thing a candidate for public office has ever done? Bill Clinton (allegedly) hooked up with Paula Jones, for God's sake. Now that's offensive.

If you're a junkie for Minnesota politics like I am, you know the 2006 gubernatorial election will be decided by voters' answer to one central question: do you or do you not favor the public impalement of drug dealers, terrorists and other violent criminals? If you answered "yes" to what really amounts to a rhetorical question (what right-thinking person could oppose it?), then there is finally a candidate who speaks for you. Sharkey has pledged to bring a little taste of 15th Century Transylvania right there to The Land of 10,000 Lakes. Convicted criminals will be impaled in front of the statehouse. That's right, stakes will be driven through them. How's that for a law-and-order candidate?

When your governor has a name like "The Impaler", you can be pretty sure impalement is more than just another empty campaign promise. If, however, Sharkey runs into any unforeseen legal obstacles with the whole impaling business, he pledged on our show to send Sicilian crime families after the drug dealers. He might have some trouble locating Sicilian crime families in the greater Twin Cities area, but let's cross that bridge when we get to it.

As you laugh to yourself about the idea of a Satanist vampire sitting in the Minnesota governor's mansion, remember one thing: a professional wrestler nicknamed "The Body" kept that seat warm not too long ago. Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey has my formal endorsement. I'm getting on the bandwagon while there's still room. See you on "The Situation"!

Discuss....:/

dj_venom · Post by **dj_venom** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:27 am

Well I'm generally against all ideas of cananbilism, vampirism, and anything else that involves eating humans, ending in -ism.

As such, I would not want this guy in office, though it would remove all of those annoying policitians, but they would probably just be replaced by even worse blokes.

ik911 · Post by **ik911** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 3:14 am

*checks date* Hm, it's no april, but.... promising to impale people is foolish since you can't make it happen. Then again, neither can you make taxcuts happen in America, it seems and it does get people elected.

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 4:09 am

I do not understand what the point is off c/p-ing in an article and then simply type "discuss..."

If you wish to post something to spark off a debate - then at least do everybody here the courtesy of writing your own opinion to the article/piece as well.
Otherwise, there is little point in posting it in my view....

Luis Antonio · Post by **Luis Antonio** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 5:00 am

Well, he's a politician, he's satan worshipper, he's a vampire, just let him work, maybe he's not lazy with so many good qualities such as these. *points up*

Fenix · Post by **Fenix** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 5:27 am

[QUOTE=Xandax]I do not understand what the point is off c/p-ing in an article and then simply type "discuss..."

If you wish to post something to spark off a debate - then at least do everybody here the courtesy of writing your own opinion to the article/piece as well.
Otherwise, there is little point in posting it in my view....[/QUOTE]

My apologies, I was just interested in seeing forum members opinions on this matter, plus the article was, I found, quite an interesting read - I was just sharing it with you.

: The promise of impaling criminals is a deviant idea, but I understand that in Romania, Vlad Tepes' use of impalement was very, very, very effective against theives.

dj_venom · Post by **dj_venom** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 5:45 am

I want to know what they mean by vampire. Does he actually bite people in the neck, and drink their blood?

If so, surely that can't be legal.