"They should, like, combine Pizza and Nachos and call them Pizznachios. Man, I could really go for some Pizznachios right now."
-- Stoner in the Hollywood convenience store
"No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between the shoulder blades will seriously cramp his style." Steven K.Z. Brust, "Jhereg", ISBN 0-441-38553-2, Chapter 17, prologue.
Here's one of Jeanette's lines that I've always liked:
"You smell new... like fabric softener dew on freshly mowed astro turf."
It so perfectly exemplifies the splintered nature of a Malkavian's mind. There are at least three thoughts there, all meshed together into one semi-coherent statement.
".... for I had seen the Human face of the Vampires, and now I beheld the monstrousness of these Men..."
I just found one in the "Top 10 Reasons to Play As A Malkavian" thread.
Well, at least i think that is what the thread was called.
"WHY? WHY MUST THE HOOPS I MUST JUMP THROUGH BE SET ON FIRE?"
Also, I vaguely recall a radio commercial which parodies "I can't believe it's not butter" , but it's with margerine. Margerine taste with butter consequences.
(Improv) Woman:"Good morning, honey. Would you like some toast?"
(Improv) Man:"Why sure I'd love...
(what I do recall) Hey...this isn't my margerine..."
Woman:"Surprise! I- "
-SLAP-
Man:"YOU B--CH! YOU KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO WATCH MY LDL LEVELS!!"
Woman:" *Sob*But I thought it would be a nice surprise....*Sob* "
Man:"NOW I'M GLAD I SLEPT WITH YOUR SISTER!!"
This commercial occurs around they time you get to hollywood in the third chapter....or whatever chapter it's in.
I'm sure there is more to it, but my memory is bad and I'm too lazy to start the game and check. (>.o')
Also, the are a whole thread full of quotable quotes in the Malkavian thread I mentioned earlier. I'm just to lazy to commit copyright infringement, so oh well...I might do it later...
"Last year democratic candidate Michael ROBBINS brought a sports-utility vehicule. Three months later, there was two separate incidents of hits-and-run in his area by unidentified SUV vehicules. Is democratic candidate Michael ROBBINS to blame? Can you afford to take that chance? Can your children? Vote republican senator Robert THORN, the candidate who has never committed vehicular homicide!
Democratic candidate Michael ROBBINS has never publicly stated his position on child pornography. Is it because he's hiding something? Would you want a child pornographer voting on this nation's laws? Would you trust your children's future to someone like that? Vote republican senator Robert THORN, the candidate that has committed to locking up child pornographers!
Democratic candidate Michael ROBBINS recently sued senator Robert Thorn for accusing ROBBINS of being a murderous child pornographer. But ROBBINS had previously said he was against clogging courts with frivolous lawsuits. Wouldn't that make him a hypocrite? Would you want a hypocrite as your next congressman? Would you want your children to become hypocrites? Vote republican senator Robert THORN, the candidate NOT accused of being a murderous child pornographer!"
Said by: Advertisement in Radio Loop #1, The Deb of Night, after 4 or 5 minutes, in Santa Monica.
Yes, I'm weird But I couldn't stop laughing for hours. All the advertisements are pretty funny.
Just to say something about the Robert THorn Campaign if your in downtown look up near Maximillians place their is a giant sign of Robert thron with a puppy
THe duck man rises from the ashes of the mortals as he prepares his swipe at our falling world...are u ready for him?
"Another unfortunate casualty to tide of time: insane asylums. I lament their loss, not only as brokerage houses for the breadth and depth of human psychosis, but also I shall mourn the disappearance of that peculiar environment present only in an insane asylum: that palpable atmosphere of blistered brains and churning bowels, the odoriferous mélange of freely flowing bodily humours, that gently rolling cacophony of distant sobs and screams, the muttered cursing at perceived enemies and the blissful gurgling of the lobotomised, like a newborn babe discovering the sky...
hmmmmm ......
huh....
I shall still find test subjects as surely as I find bloody sustenance in the night, but this climate, I fear, shall never be replicated."
There are my favorite Malkavian quotes (not sure if those are the exact words):
"You are more insane than the one I see in the mirror"
"I will try, but I won't be able to hide from the voices"
"Have you crossed the dark river, Mercury?"
also, Maria's opinion on piracy :
"I matters not if you win the game or not. It matters if you bought it"
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
When trying to obtain one of the blood dolls (I can't remember where), this dialouge option appears.
"I don't look familiar? Don't watch alot of porn, do you?"
When confronting Jezabel Locke:
"You seem to be a kook who sips poisoned kool-aid."
Taxi Cab Driver (Caine?): "Going somewhere?"
Malkavian:"Bodily functions are denied me for now, just drive."
While speaking to Beckette in the museum, he asks you what you think the meaning of vampiric life is and this is one of the malkavian responses:
"The reason we exist is because the jellyfish will it so, WHY ELSE?!"
In hollywood you are confonted by the woman from your past life and you have the option to use dementation on her and convince her that you are her pet turtle Shelly. This is one of the available dialouge options.
The woman from the past: "What's it like being a turtle?"
Malkavian: "It's like being a walking house that eats lettuce."
"Oh my god! Are you kidding me? What are you using for security down there, a Trash-80? Guys, it's called encryption. This is too easy. I'd let you off the hook, but stupidity always brings out the ******* in me.
Nothing to worry about...just a harmless email, not a self-replicating embedded virus or anything...hehehehehehehe. Huh, wow...you really opened it. I can't believe you just opened it. What kind of a freakin' idiot just opens it?"
-- Mitnick
Ah ah ah! I said innocent humans. If some ******* levels a twelve-gauge your way, you drain him, skin him and bash in his skull. Self-preservation is a vital part of Humanity after all. My favorite part, in fact.
-- Smiling Jack
Real Terror is not the sight of death, it is the fear of death. What is the fear of death? Terror of the unknown, is it these eyes you peer into? No, I am not the unknown; you and I are closer kin than you and it were.
-- Pisha
Try the corpse in the oven with pepper and fur.
-- Voice of Malkavian
Go here, do this, I say so, blah blah blah....it's all getting routine, really.
-- Malkavian speaking with Velvet
She came to this city for our heads. Handing her hers is the only way to end
-- Malkavian speak with Velvet about Chastity.
Death is the ultimate dilemma. Life is bore on the corpses of the dead. Without death there would be no motivation to accomplish anything. The only emotion would be existing. Life would be pestilent and agonizing.
-- Pisha
The Camarrila protects the people running the Camarrila. That's it. The end.
(I forgot what else he said..something like "The rest of them are..." Not sure, can someone finish this one, please?)
-- Smiling Jack
Camarrila membership is 95% victims, 5% evil bastards. But make sure and understand, any of those victims point a gun at me, they get drained and slaughtered like sheep.
-- Smiling Jack
Being dead is no excuse for walking around with your eyes closed.
Ah, yes. Holy vampire hunters. Stakin' fer Jesus! I don't worry about 'em too much. If you find one worth a ****, he'd damn well better blind-side you or he's dead. Either way, why worry?
You are free to choose who you trust, kiddo. But as ol' Jack here ever asked anything of you? Nope. Is your existence a thorn in my side? Nuh-uh. Are you a walking testament to my inability to rule? Hahaha, right. I'm just saying, that's all.
-- Smiling Jack (All three quoted lines.):laugh:
Choose your Destiny... Choose wise... You can't come back and pick again.
Embrace your dreams and whatever happens...protect your honor as SOLDIER.
"I am Raziel, first-born of His lieutenants. I had the honor of surpassing my lord. There was only one possible outcome - my eternal damnation. I, Raziel, was to suffer the fate of traitors and weaklings - to burn forever. I plunged into the depths of the abyss. Only this torture and a deepening hatred of the hypocrisy that damned me to this hell. An eternity passed, and my torment receded, bringing me back from the precipice of madness. The descent had destroyed me...yet I lived."
