22 year old guy having sex with a 16 year old girl

Dewayne2 · Post by **Dewayne2** » Thu Oct 04, 2007 6:07 pm

Hi. Long time reader, first time poster.

I found this in a fitness forum.

A guy, 22, wants to have sex with a girl who's 16. I'm the dad of a 1 year old daughter. I am worried about her enough as it is, but I cant think of how much I'd worry about this if this was my daughter. I'm angry about this guy doing this, am I right to be angry? What would you do if your daughter was in this situation?

(to make things equal, you can read the 22 year old guys side on his blog, Having Sex With A 16-Year-Old | Becoming A Pick-Up Artist )

Siberys · Post by **Siberys** » Thu Oct 04, 2007 6:51 pm

Well, that's a bit of a touchy situation just because of how much closer the age range is unlike an actual pedophile and his victims.

It honestly depends, in this case you do have a right to be angry I guess. I mean, he's clearly stated he only wants the sex, nothing much more. But I do know many people who would date sixteen year olds at the age of twenty or twenty two. One of my oldest and closest friends was like that, and most of the time the guy who was with her seemed genuinely gentleman like. Getting the door for her, taking her out to a dinner or something, and mainly, ensuring that he won't have sex with her until she's ready and older than 18.

Though, as I said, people like this dude who would really try and take advantage of a minor and even worse, try to convince himself that she wants to have sex with him, is a rather despicable move on his part. I totally agree that this person is scum.

Crenshinibon · Post by **Crenshinibon** » Thu Oct 04, 2007 7:08 pm

Yeah, I say the age range is nothing to worry about. It's the truth behind this "relationship". In any case, even the two were the same age, having sex just for the sake of doing it is wrong.

One of my close friends is twenty while his girlfriend is fifteen. They have a pretty strong relationship and while they do have sex I believe that it's because of the act of love. Not for pleasure aspect.

A lot of relationships work out with distant age ranges. In Japan for example, it is not uncommon for a student to end up marrying their teacher and usually that marriage lasts. Again though, in my opinion, the only thing that's wrong here is that he wants to have sex with her just to do it. While the age of consent in America is sixteen, many people lose their virginity, but that's beside the point. Yeah... Anyway, despite subjects reaching the age of consent, I think the mind hasn't exactly clicked in yet and they are prone to bad choices. So you can also look at it as "Taking advantage of the law of consent as well as the non developed teenage mind."

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Thu Oct 04, 2007 9:45 pm

Again though, in my opinion, the only thing that's wrong here is that he wants to have sex with her just to do it.

Indeed. To my mind, this is the only part of the equation that is glaringly wrong... Namely.. the fact that the guy is an utter creep.
But, as for the age difference itself, I really don't think it is eyebrow raising at all. In my books, people are old enough to make decisions like this at 16, and if the other partner is 6 years older, I really don't think it is a big deal.
It are the circumstances in question that cause concern.
Were it a real, caring relationship... that would be another matter entirely.

galraen · Post by **galraen** » Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:03 pm

Dewayne2 wrote:What would you do if your daughter was in this situation?

What would I do if my 16 year old daughter had a strange guy hit on her thinking she was 18. Then when he found out she was only 16 tried to extract himself, lying about not having a pen and paper and about having a cell phone, but she relentlessly pursues him virtually forcing her phone number on him? I'd have a long serious chat with her.

The guy strikes me as being a bit of a slime ball, but I find your reaction way over the top.

Vicsun · Post by **Vicsun** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:59 am

Crenshinibon wrote:...In any case, even the two were the same age, having sex just for the sake of doing it is wrong.
...they do have sex I believe that it's because of the act of love. Not for pleasure aspect.

I personally believe all males should be forced to wear those numbing "climax control" condoms for the first five years of a relationship. And one night stands should result in instant dismemberment because pleasure is wrong (I read this somewhere). The thought of someone, somewhere enjoying themselves drives me up the wall.

OP, if you want to read something on the internet to make yourself angry, google NAMBLA, and I'll get right behind you.

no not in that way

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 4:10 pm

Dewayne2, you can feel angry about anything, and for that matter, you are free to feel any sort of emotion at any any time. But I don't know if that means you're "right" to be angry. Sounds pretty silly to me.

On a more serious note, I don't see why you feel like this concerns you. The guy in question is not hitting on your own daughter. So what if you have a daughter? That doesn't create any sort of special interest. You're just an uninvolved stranger.

And besides, if you care so much about the welfare of young women, there are plenty of other things to worry about. Why aren't you just as concerned about other issues that concern young women? Do I even need to list them? If you can't think of any on your own, would it make any difference if I gave you a list? Just open your eyes for a change instead of waiting until some kind of issue comes along that "concerns you personally". Prove you really care.

Siberys · Post by **Siberys** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 4:34 pm

On a more serious note, I don't see why you feel like this concerns you. The guy in question is not hitting on your own daughter. So what if you have a daughter? That doesn't create any sort of special interest. You're just an uninvolved stranger.

Of course it gives special interest. It's not like this is the only guy in the world doing this, and the more you hear about men doing this to little girls, the more a mother or father would rightfully worry about their own daughter. So yeah, the daughter is one year old and this guy probably isn't even within a thousand mile radius of her, but what about when that daughter turns sixteen or so. Hell, even thirteen. Pedophiles aren't just going to wait for her to make her own decisions, the majority of them will do there damnedest to try and manipulate them as much as possible, and it's surprisingly easy with an adolescent mind. So a parent protecting his daughter because this is an actual possibility, it makes perfect sense.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:23 pm

Siberys wrote:Of course it gives special interest. It's not like this is the only guy in the world doing this, and the more you hear about men doing this to little girls, the more a mother or father would rightfully worry about their own daughter.

I am not going to argue against the fact that there are a lot of nasty creeps and pedophiles around... Nor am I about to argue that we should stand passively by as they commit gross violations...

But, "little girls?"

Sixteen years old is hardly a "little girl." This is a young woman we are talking about.. one who is, in all probability, fully capable of deciding whether or not to sleep with somebody.
Further, the guy in question is twenty-two. I honestly do not believe this qualifies as "pedophilia."

Yes, as has been abundantly stated, this guy is a creep, no question, but it is the context that is the problem, not the fact that he's six years older..
If this were a ten-year-old girl... then yes, we'd have a clear case of pedophilia on our hands and in that scenario the individual ought to be locked up, or, at the very least, he should be receiving some kind of treatment.
But... she's not ten, she's sixteen... Big, big difference.

As I stated above, were this a genuine, caring relationship the whole subject would not really be an issue. Age, therefore, has very little to do with it.

@Dewayne2,
of course, now that you've come by and stirred up a bit of a hornets nest, it would be great to hear your further thoughts on the subject

Siberys · Post by **Siberys** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 10:01 pm

@DW-

Little girls wasn't actually meant as a reference to the 16 year old but rather the much younger ones (13 to 11 years of age or so) who have also been victims. My fault for not actually stating that, but that is what I meant.

A 16 year old, I do agree is much more mature than a "little girl," and has the ability to make her own decisions. And as much as I disagree with the decision of sex early and relationships later is wrong, at that age it's not like a father could actually get away with stopping that kind of thing (it's not like he can just lock her in her room until she's twenty or something right).

But, while I don't have any children of my own, I spent part of my life helping to raise one, and I understand what it's like for a father to worry about a child; not completely of course, this was a half brother introduced to me at his age of 2 when I first met my father, but still, you get the picture. Ever since I helped raise him, even if it was only for a few years, I started to see a few things differently about the world, and pedophilia is one I stopped ignoring and taking lightly.

Claudius · Post by **Claudius** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 11:05 pm

22 year old is playing with fire if he sleeps with a 16 year old. If he later irritates her and she testifies that they slept together even with consent he faces statutory rape. Correct me if I am wrong...

I would focus on how to make the girl confident etc in a genuine sort of way. I am not saying I know how to do this but I figger the time to start is now even at one years old she is learning things that will make her confident and capable.

Also if she knows she doesn't want to get pregnant at 16 and she knows how to use birth control that could be a major plus. But of course I feel much better about that in the context of a confident resourceful girl. (and of course 1 is early to start training on birth control!)

Just be glad that YOU don't have to date the losers who date 16 year olds when they are 22 LOL!!! Thats called robbing the cradle.

They are at a different stage in life. Boy should either be in college away from parents experimenting with freedom. Or else getting experience working and possibly living with parents if only for financial reasons. Even if a girl is mature and she can relate to someone older than her it doesn't mean she is spared the stages of life. She has one set of issues as a wee one another as a competent kid a third in the world of the teenager and so on up to the nursing home and being sick etc. I believe a 16 and 22 year old could have a relationship but for some reasons there might be some problems with it. As others have said hopefully they don't have shallow reasons ie "yay I have older boy to piss off daddy' or 'yay I got a piece'...

Edit: a voted you are right to be angry because you love your daughter and want to protect her. You are not right to be obsessed with your anger and go around scowling at teenagers. I'm angry that Lake Michigan is being over fished but there is a time and a place for that anger and certainly I wouldn't want to do things I regret over it.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Fri Oct 05, 2007 11:40 pm

Siberys wrote:@DW-

Little girls wasn't actually meant as a reference to the 16 year old but rather the much younger ones (13 to 11 years of age or so) who have also been victims. My fault for not actually stating that, but that is what I meant.

A 16 year old, I do agree is much more mature than a "little girl," and has the ability to make her own decisions. And as much as I disagree with the decision of sex early and relationships later is wrong, at that age it's not like a father could actually get away with stopping that kind of thing (it's not like he can just lock her in her room until she's twenty or something right).

But, while I don't have any children of my own, I spent part of my life helping to raise one, and I understand what it's like for a father to worry about a child; not completely of course, this was a half brother introduced to me at his age of 2 when I first met my father, but still, you get the picture. Ever since I helped raise him, even if it was only for a few years, I started to see a few things differently about the world, and pedophilia is one I stopped ignoring and taking lightly.

I think we are going to end up straying off topic here...but... See where it goes I guess.

Anyway, fair enough. You weren't specific and I read you literally.
Look.. I understand how you feel, in fact far better than you might actually guess. Somebody in my family was brutally raped at the age of seven by a guy in their twenties.. I have a visceral reaction to sexual assault; I'm not speaking from some kind of idealistic, inexperienced pedestal here.

However, while we can certainly question the motives of the guy in this story... Do you honestly think his actions are on the same level as rape and/or pedophilia? Call me blind, but I'm not sure I see a logical connection.
The guy is a creep, yes, undoubtedly. I don't think that is in dispute. But is he a criminal? It's kind of feeling like apples and oranges to me.

Obviously, I have concerns about issues such as pedophilia. Both at a general level, and because I'm a parent.
But, that does not mean I am about to cry wolf when I see a story of a slightly older guy expressing sexual interest in a sixteen-year-old girl.
Sure, I hope that the girl in question has the smarts to tell this guy to go find a knothole in a tree. But.... I still find the assumptions of criminal activity to be, at best, a stretch.

Monolith · Post by **Monolith** » Sat Oct 06, 2007 9:12 am

Crenshinibon wrote:Yeah, I say the age range is nothing to worry about. It's the truth behind this "relationship". In any case, even the two were the same age, having sex just for the sake of doing it is wrong.

Actually, it's great, especially if both are enjoying it for what it is, rather than denouncing it for what it's not.

On topic:
It depends on the maturity of the person in question rather than age. I know 22 years old girls who lack the emotional and sexual maturity that 16 years old teens I know have. The above mentioned girl obviously knows what she wants and what to expect. All I can say is: If that's what you want then enjoy it. Just don't get sick or pregnant.

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Sat Oct 06, 2007 9:49 pm

So, did anyone take the bait and subscribe to "Becoming a Pick-Up Artist"?

If you like this post, buy me an energy drink.

Vicsun · Post by **Vicsun** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 5:25 am

VonDondu wrote:So, did anyone take the bait and subscribe to "Becoming a Pick-Up Artist"?

If you like this post, buy me an energy drink.

the casanova of our time likes wearing undergarments that would make weasel proud.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 6:43 am

Cassanova, as I recall from his interminably lengthy autobiography, saw no problem in "picking the virginal flower" from the age of 12. But then, different countries, different times, different customs. Twelve was considered marriageable and beddable age during the 18th century, though not exclusively so.

And Cassanova would never have been caught in the same land as Weasel. Weasel would have beaten him hands down.

Lady Dragonfly · Post by **Lady Dragonfly** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:48 am

@Dewayne2,
of course, now that you've come by and stirred up a bit of a hornets nest, it would be great to hear your further thoughts on the subject

Guys, honestly, why do you even bother to discuss (once again

) something that has apparently been spammed in a hundred forums? You first clue should have been the post count, your second clue -- lack of the response to the very first comment. I even don't mention the absurdity of the claim that a "dad of a 1 year old daughter" is worried sick about a 22 years old jerk contemplating sex with a 16 years old floozy.

If you don't believe me, check this out:

22 year old guy having sex with a 16 year old girl - AppleInsider
Codemasters forum - 22 year old blogger having sex with 16 year old girl

The list goes on.

Xandax · Post by **Xandax** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:56 am

Lady Dragonfly wrote:Guys, honestly, why do you even bother to discuss (once again ) something that has apparently been spammed in a hundred forums? <snip>

Because while it might simply be a troll, forum spammer, an advertisement for his site or something similar - the topic in question poses something worth discussing for a number of people - despite the OP not returning.
Which is why it has been allowed to stand and wasn't pulled down at the time it was posted, because it is just a catalyst for a discussion....

So .... carry on discussing, but do not expect the OP to return, but that's also irrelevant as such IMO.

Lady Dragonfly · Post by **Lady Dragonfly** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 12:17 pm

Xandax wrote:Because while it might simply be a troll, forum spammer, an advertisement for his site or something similar - the topic in question poses something worth discussing for a number of people - despite the OP not returning.
Which is why it has been allowed to stand and wasn't pulled down at the time it was posted, because it is just a catalyst for a discussion....
So .... carry on discussing, but do not expect the OP to return, but that's also irrelevant as such IMO.

Xandax, am I to understand you knew about the original post being "a troll, forum spammer, an advertisement for his site or something similar" all the time?

By all means, let this worthy discussion continue.

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Sun Oct 07, 2007 12:20 pm

I absolutely cannot see anything wrong with what was going on in the article Dewayne2 linked to.

A 16-year old girl wants to have sex with a 22-year old guy, and the 22-year old guy wants to have sex with the 16-year old girl. She gave him her phone number, so if he decides to call her and they meet and have sex - fine, what's wrong with that? And what's wrong with wanting to have sex for the sake of physical pleasure? Sex may be connected with love or it may not. If it's not, why would that be "wrong" in any way as long as there is no lying, cheating or abuse going on?

Regarding age difference, both are within the "young adult"-age span, so I don't see a problem there. Pedophilia refers to sexual attraction to pre-adolescent children, and a girl of 16 is several years beyond that unless she has some hormonal or developmental disorder. For young girls, I personally think it's good to have sexual relationships with somewhat older guys, since teenage girls are on the average 2 years ahead of the guys in both physical and mental maturity. At group level, young girls also have more difficulties reaching sexual satisfaction than boys, so it's also generally a good idea to have sex with guys who are more experienced and skilled than boys the same age.

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22 year old guy having sex with a 16 year old girl

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22 year old guy having sex with a 16 year old girl