Top 10 Worst Videogame Diseases

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Written by BuckGB on May 21st, 2009

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Game:
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Disease:
Vampirism (Porphyric Haemophilia)
Risk factors:
Hanging out with Vampires
Being a virgin
Symptoms to look out for:
Biteyness.
Negativity toward days at the beach.
Tendency to become bat-like*
A strong dislike of Italian food.
Friends often complain to you of anaemia.
Bed is all soily.
Always insist on being '˜Noughts'.
Celebration of your 300th Birthday.
Unreasonable fear of Buffy.
Takes longer to brush teeth.
*Like a bat.
What to do if you think you have vampirism:
Avoid churches. Consult your physician immediately. At night. And tell him to come alone. Also remember to ask permission before entering houses at night.
Prognosis:
There is no known cure for Vampirism's antisocial symptoms. However, if you manage to find an old woman called Draklowe in a tumbledown house in the countryside, a cure may well be on your horizon. Despite the difficulty of obtaining said cure, however, Vampirism is not fatal. In fact, Vampirism is the only disease that can cure all other known diseases.

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Game:
Fallout 3
Disease:
Radiation Sickness (External or Internal Irradiation)
Risk factors:
Nuclear fallout
Contaminated drinking water
Symptoms to look out for:
Decrease in stats
Glow-in-the-dark skin
A deep, pulsing '˜schwew' noise emanating from about your person
Death
What to do if you think you have radiation sickness:
According to the medical guff: Treatment reversing the effects of irradiation is currently not possible. Anaesthetics and antiemetics are administered to counter the symptoms of exposure, as well as antibiotics for countering secondary infections due to the resulting immune system deficiency.

We say: Make best use of what little time you have left. Take up a job in which glowing is a positive boon, such as crossing guard at a nudist colony. Quite frankly, since death is inevitable, we don't care what you do, just don't come near us you freak us the shit out.
Prognosis:
Death. Unless of course, you have some Rad-Away, Rad-X or other imaginary in-game panacea.

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