Please note that new user registrations disabled at this time.

A short piece of writing.

This forum is to be used for all discussions pertaining to BioWare's Neverwinter Nights, its Shadows of Undrentide and Hordes of the Underdark expansion packs, and any user-created or premium modules.
Post Reply
User avatar
Severoth
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Apr 12, 2002 1:57 am
Contact:

A short piece of writing.

Post by Severoth »

I hope you enjoy this, just thought I would post it here :)

A voice whispered from the alley, and my life was changed forever.

The moment was crystal clear in my mind, as if it had happened yesterday, though in fact it ten long horrible months had crept by. I shuddered, remembering the low serpentine voice, spilling out vile words, a foul incantation at me. In hindsight, had I drunken less that winters night, and ignored the pride that had always been my greatest folly I very well may not have been so arrogant to take that single step into the alleyway to challenge the fiend that called out to me. And quite possibly, had I not taken that step, I very well may not ended up here now, bound in iron, hand and foot, awaiting the punishment for the crimes I committed.

Looking up into the clear sky I saw the stars had vanished, fleeing like thieves from the revealing rays that would soon be upon us. The white orb of the moon stayed, a solemn companion, a silent witness to the last minutes of my life. Unable to move I knelt, the freezing rocky ground underneath, so solid, so real, denying me the simple pleasure of believing this was a bad dream, a nightmare that I would emerge from. I fixed my gaze in the distance, vowing to maintain my dignity in these last moments, and I knelt there, watching quietly as the horizon became clearer, no longer painted in the shadows of night.

A fierce red and orange outline outlined the distant features, trees and hills emerging as if a master crafter had molded them from clay. For the first time in my life things became clear. As the shadows stretched across the land, clawing like rabid beasts away from the suns brilliant gaze I wept. The tears poured down my face, and I shook quietly, not from fear of what was to come but because I had never before witnessed something so perfect. As the rays washed over my body I forced myself to keep my eyes open, embedding the image of that searing disk into my brain.

That moment, all the pain I had suffered somehow seemed worth it. The guilt I had carried for the past ten months fled. The blood that I had spilt, washed away, and I felt absolved. Quiet footsteps from behind announced their presence and a few moments later hands reached down to lift me. I shook my head, and slowly, summoning all my remaining strength raised my weary body from the ground. I did not waste my breath speaking, did not try to barter for my life, not wanting the last people to see me as a weak man. I would die as I had lived, with courage.

A calloused hand on my naked back shoved me forwards, and my time was upon me. I began to walk to the edge of the cliff. The iron shackles caused me to stumble and I snarled, carrying on over till I was at last at the edge. Looking upwards into the sky, I saw that now the moon was gone, leaving me with nothing more then my pride in my final moments. A wind picked up, blowing my hair and I sucked a breath in quietly.

The lonely cry of a hawk echoed in the hills. The wind blew softly; voices of loved ones no longer alive beckoning me. I heard the beat of my heart. Then I heard nothing and at last peace was mine.

With a smile on my face I jumped.

Critiques appreciated!
I am Veraeths faithful servant
The living embodiment of Vengeance
Where I tread, sorrow shall thrive
User avatar
Tamerlane
Posts: 4554
Joined: Fri May 18, 2001 10:00 pm
Location: The land of Oz
Contact:

Post by Tamerlane »

Originally posted by Severoth
Critiques appreciated!
Well...what can I say :D

Thats mighty impressive, plus I didn't the end coming :rolleyes:

:)
!
User avatar
Nippy
Posts: 5085
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2000 11:00 pm
Location: Reading, England
Contact:

Post by Nippy »

Thoroughly entertaining Severoth, I enjoyed reading it. I thought the scene setting was nice (I enjoyed the scenery) you would need to continue it for us to understand the reasons about your character. (a prequel?) Or am I just sounding like grumpy old Jawaner?! :D :D ;)
Perverteer Paladin
User avatar
Severoth
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Apr 12, 2002 1:57 am
Contact:

Post by Severoth »

Plot?

The story is meant to be vague to let the reader envision whatever they think has occured. What terrible things have happened over the past ten months to the main character to bring them to the top of a mountain?

What crimes did they commit?

Who is the main character? I dont go into race or anything.

Its meant to be fully on those parting moments, the true ideal is that it is for the reader to create what happened.

Is there a meaning behind it? There is to me, but I would dare say that each person can see something different in it.

Thats the beauty of a piece like this I think.
I am Veraeths faithful servant
The living embodiment of Vengeance
Where I tread, sorrow shall thrive
User avatar
Nippy
Posts: 5085
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2000 11:00 pm
Location: Reading, England
Contact:

Post by Nippy »

Re: Plot?
Originally posted by Severoth
The story is meant to be vague to let the reader envision whatever they think has occured. What terrible things have happened over the past ten months to the main character to bring them to the top of a mountain?

What crimes did they commit?

Who is the main character? I dont go into race or anything.

Its meant to be fully on those parting moments, the true ideal is that it is for the reader to create what happened.

Is there a meaning behind it? There is to me, but I would dare say that each person can see something different in it.

Thats the beauty of a piece like this I think.
Agreed on that note, but I meant I wanted to see more! :D
Perverteer Paladin
User avatar
Severoth
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Apr 12, 2002 1:57 am
Contact:

Post by Severoth »

Oh, you want more :)

I dont know if I would ever write more for this piece. To add more would possibly detract from the initial piece. The way it stands most people can feel something from reading it.

If I were to fill out the character, it might not stike as much as a chord with people, though at the same time it might.

Hard to say Nippy, who knows maybe one day I will expand on it and then again I might not.

:)
I am Veraeths faithful servant
The living embodiment of Vengeance
Where I tread, sorrow shall thrive
User avatar
wolven86
Posts: 163
Joined: Sat May 26, 2001 10:00 pm
Location: London England, Greatest city in the world.
Contact:

Post by wolven86 »

damn thats goodi wish i could write like that maybe thats why i always got bad grades in english

then again it might be my appaling punctuation ;) (Nippy)
Bel Haladrin - paranoid elven fighter - proud member of The Blades of the Banshee
User avatar
Rail
Posts: 1104
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2000 11:00 pm
Location: Anchorage, Alaska, USA
Contact:

Post by Rail »

Sev, great use of imagery in similies such as "the stars had vanished, fleeing like thieves from the revealing rays that would soon be upon us", and "shadows stretched across the land, clawing like rabid beasts away from the suns brilliant gaze ". I also liked the frozen rocky ground that kept him (her?) from thinking this must all be a dream. Details such as these make the story seem very vivid and lifelike. Good stuff!

I agree with you, part of the beauty of the story is that it is vague and allows the reader to fill in the blanks. The reader can see themselves through the eyes of the character. Giving us all the details might spoil that.
Matti Il-Amin, Paladin, comedian, and expert adventurer. Proudly bearing the colors of the [url="http://www.svelmoe.dk/blade/index.htm"]Blades of the Banshee[/url]
User avatar
average joe
Posts: 791
Joined: Sat Jul 28, 2001 10:00 pm
Location: TX
Contact:

Post by average joe »

Quality work, Sev. Two thumbs up.

You should change the phrase where you have "outline outlined." Bit redundant. Maybe a few punctuation mistakes, but the rest is great. :)
Totino's party pizzas rock! All a college kid needs to get by....
User avatar
Mysteria
Posts: 688
Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2001 10:00 pm
Contact:

Post by Mysteria »

Wow

Great writing :)

I think you're right if you don't want to add anything to it, it's just too good this way.
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."
User avatar
Rudar Dimble
Posts: 924
Joined: Sat Apr 13, 2002 11:00 am
Location: "I did? Hmm...I must be getting old."
Contact:

Post by Rudar Dimble »

It is very good. I feel sorry for myself that my english is quite bad. I come from The Netherlands and they speak Dutch over here. I am full of (good) stories aswell, but I cannot post them here the way I would like them to be posted. May be we could work together on some stories or lore guild, Severoth. i could help you on some ideas (I have got plenty) and you cpuld do the writing. Or I can write something and then you alter it into proper english :D

What do you say. You don´t have to, it´s just an idea...
Broken promises
"They made us many promises,
more than I can remember.
But they kept but one -
They promised to take our land...
and they took it"

Chief Red Cloud
User avatar
Severoth
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Apr 12, 2002 1:57 am
Contact:

Post by Severoth »

Sorry =(

Right now the only thing I actually have time for writing wise is the SOS stuff. I am just starting a huge writeup for something now that will take ages to do.

You should try and do it yourself though, dont let the fact that english is a second language stop you. It would help your english out amazingly :)
I am Veraeths faithful servant
The living embodiment of Vengeance
Where I tread, sorrow shall thrive
User avatar
Rudar Dimble
Posts: 924
Joined: Sat Apr 13, 2002 11:00 am
Location: "I did? Hmm...I must be getting old."
Contact:

Post by Rudar Dimble »

Re: Sorry =(
Originally posted by Severoth
You should try and do it yourself though, dont let the fact that english is a second language stop you. It would help your english out amazingly :)
You are right about that. But when I write something and the grammar (or grammer) in a sentence isn´t correct, people should say it to me. Otherwise I keep making the same mistakes :(
Broken promises
"They made us many promises,
more than I can remember.
But they kept but one -
They promised to take our land...
and they took it"

Chief Red Cloud
User avatar
Nippy
Posts: 5085
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2000 11:00 pm
Location: Reading, England
Contact:

Post by Nippy »

Re: Re: Sorry =(
Originally posted by Rudar Dimble


You are right about that. But when I write something and the grammar (or grammer) in a sentence isn´t correct, people should say it to me. Otherwise I keep making the same mistakes :(
You can ask people to read your stories over, if you want a spell checker, send it to me, I'll do it for you! :)
Perverteer Paladin
User avatar
Rudar Dimble
Posts: 924
Joined: Sat Apr 13, 2002 11:00 am
Location: "I did? Hmm...I must be getting old."
Contact:

Post by Rudar Dimble »

Thanks, I´ll keep that in mind.

By the way Nippy, I read your reply on my thread ´Wanna join my game?´Are you still interested. Please PM me.
Broken promises
"They made us many promises,
more than I can remember.
But they kept but one -
They promised to take our land...
and they took it"

Chief Red Cloud
User avatar
Pebz
Posts: 591
Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2001 10:00 pm
Location: Norway
Contact:

Post by Pebz »

Very nice :)
"The measure of our hearts is taken by the kindness we show to the least of our brethren."
- Keldorn, Paladin of Torm

"Alea iacta est"
"The die is cast"
Post Reply