I Am...

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 7:40 am

Originally posted by HighLordDave
How do we repay them for unleashing Jim Carrey, the Crash Test Dummies and William Shatner upon us?

Send them Barry Manilow, Jerry Falwell and Dubya, you think?

Ned Flanders · Post by **Ned Flanders** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 12:26 pm

Send them Barry Manilow, Jerry Falwell and Dubya, you think?

That ought to make up for Shatner. I think sending Milli Vanilli is the only option to cancel out the Crash Test Dummies.

Duskyblue · Post by **Duskyblue** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 1:47 pm

LOL! Very funny

Waverly · Post by **Waverly** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 3:19 pm

Yeeeee ha
I ain’t ignant, uncouth, or uncultured
Daddy didn’t give me nothin’ I didn’t earn
I do too know what I’m doin’
And I know Joe-Bob, and Skippy, and one-hand Jack from the shootin’ range
And they’s all damn fine white folk

I drink beer when I’m outa blow, but I’m to ugly to go whorein’
I believe I can drive while impared
It’s pronounced OHL, not OIL

I can proudly fly my flag, though maybe not the confederate one
Incompetence *does* have rewards,
Corruption *is* a virtue,
And being morally bankrupt is better than chapter 11

Texas is the greatest country in Europe,
A fine place with no Chinese people in it!!
My name is George W.
And I’m Emperor of the World

C Elegans · Post by **C Elegans** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 6:35 pm

I AM SWEDISH

Hej
I'm not a pornstar, nor an au-pair, and I'm not giving massage
I don't live in an eternal snowstorm, and there are no Polar bears on the streets
If I seem like a cold person, it's just because I'm impolite
I don't know any great artists, writers, composers or philosophers from Sweden
Cause nothing is great here, and nothing is bad here
Everything is in the middle road!

I eat Lebanese and Thai, not meatballs
Kebab is a Swedish dish
American ice-cream does not become Swedish because you add some dots above the vowels!
And Ö is pronounced like e in "mercy", not like o

They say we have the world's best educated Taxi drivers
They are doctors and architects and engineers and such
But they can't get a job because they don't speak Swedish, this major world language!
And that's as well, cause who want to be operated on by an Arab?
They may be smart, but they talk too much and too loud
Just like Italians and French
And besides, they are intellectual too

I don't wave my flag at all, cause I'm proud to be against nationalism

Sweden in not greatest country in Europe
Nor is it the worst
We like it boring
My name is Karin
And I am Swedish!

Dottie · Post by **Dottie** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 7:03 pm

Originally posted by C Elegans
I AM SWEDISH

Hej
I'm not a pornstar, nor an au-pair, and I'm not giving massage
I don't live in an eternal snowstorm, and there are no Polar bears on the streets
If I seem like a cold person, it's just because I'm impolite
I don't know any great artists, writers, composers or philosophers from Sweden
Cause nothing is great here, and nothing is bad here
Everything is in the middle road!

I eat Lebanese and Thai, not meatballs
Kebab is a Swedish dish
American ice-cream does not become Swedish because you add some dots above the vowels!
And Ö is pronounced like e in "mercy", not like o

They say we have the world's best educated Taxi drivers
They are doctors and architects and engineers and such
But they can't get a job because they don't speak Swedish, this major world language!
And that's as well, cause who want to be operated on by an Arab?
They may be smart, but they talk too much and too loud
Just like Italians and French
And besides, they are intellectual too

I don't wave my flag at all, cause I'm proud to be against nationalism

Sweden in not greatest country in Europe
Nor is it the worst
We like it boring
My name is Karin
And I am Swedish!

Amazingly insightful C Elegans. *Very big HUG*

The verse you forgot:

I love to be neutral
With Nazi's or Norwegians
or anyone who wants to be my friend
I can sell weapons indiscriminately
Because if I dont someone else will

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 7:27 pm

I AM A NEW YAWKAH

Yo...
I'm not a taxi driver, or a stock trader...
and I don't live in an huge loft in SoHo when I'm unemployed even though the movies (Big Daddy) would have you believe that's possible, or eat Sbarro's pizza (the worst pizza in the world - for tourists only!), or own an "I love NY" t-shirt,
and I don't know Ezra, Angelo or Barbra
although I'm certain it would be really really easy to find them in a city of 8 million.

I have a Metrocard, not a car.
I am not rude, but I don't have time to wait for you while you stand around blocking the whole sidewalk with your fat suburban asses while you gaze in wonderment at the skyscrapers I see everyday.
When I go on vacation I never look up, skyscrapers are a part of me,
and I pronounce it CAAWWWfee, not coffee.

I think Central Park is nature.
I pay $1500 for a studio apartment the size of a closet and I think it's a "steal."
I don't cook, I have 27 menus next to my phone.
I believe in minding my own business, and I'm suspicious of strangers who are nice to me.
I think that personal space is not having anyone standing on my toes.
AND THAT THE RAT IS A TRULY HUGE AND ARROGANT ANIMAL.

I say the "city" and expect that everyone knows I mean Manhattan.
I secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.
I have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
I've considered stabbing someone for saying "The Big Apple"
Don't look at me, I consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

MY NAME IS JOHN!! AND I AM A NEW YAWKAH!!!!!!!!

In Honor of My Beloved Hometown:
DAVID LETTERMAN
Top 10 Reasons New York is the Greatest City in the World

10. On every block, quaint local stores like Blockbuster & Starbucks
9. Parking spaces? We've got almost 20 of them
8. Muggers now accept E-Z Pass
7. There's no Frank Sinatra song Milwaukee, Milwaukee
6. Not uncommon to see a pigeon give someone the finger
5. The city never sleeps, which could explain the crankiness
4. On the sidewalks: free gum!
3. Where else can you punch a World Series-winning pitcher?
2. A dozen rats per person is not just a statistic, it's a promise
1. It's the home of America's favorite talk show host: Regis Philbin

Top 10 things New Yorkers call tourists
10. Visitors from a strange land where coffee doesn't cost five dollars
9. Victims
8. Gator bait
7. Walking ATM machines
6. The people who brought you George W. Bush
5. Taxi roadkill
4. Witnesses
3. Senator Clinton
2. Annoying weirdos who don't speak any English (... sorry, that's what tourists call New Yorkers)
1. Mr. I'm-too-good-to-take-a-leak-on-the-subway

Waverly · Post by **Waverly** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 8:03 pm

Howsitgoin’
I don’t wash my hands when I pee
Unless of course I’m peeing in the shower
I don’t know Bon Jovi or the Boss
But they rock!

I think Sam Adams is gauche, I drink Bud
Water is supposed to be slightly brown
Garbage is something you throw on the side of the road
And it’s called Seltzeh, not Soda

I don’t think my state has a flag
We have the mob instead of Masons
We have the worst accents after Boston
And MonteCarlo’s are better than Jags any day of the week

My state is a parkinglot for a neighboring city
We pretend we’re New Yorkers, though they can usually pick us out
My name is Vito
And I’m from New Jersey, I mean New York

No offense, Voodoo

And now my own homestate:

I talk on the cell phone, even when it’s not on
I drive a car I can’t afford, and charge the payments
I don’t know Tawny or Paige or Tory
But I bet they’re 6 foot tall blondes

I drink ’96 because ’98 is an inferior vintage
Avocado is a fruit, vegetable, and garnish
You flush water, you drink Perrier
And it is pronounce to-MAH-to not to-MAY-to

I can proudly show off my flag, I use it as a beach towel
Tans are cool, only whimps get skin cancer
Real breast are made of silicon, I’ve never seen other
And only tourist wear shorts when it’s only 80 degrees

California is not really a state, it is a state of mind
No one else matters, unless they know DeNero
Call my people, we’ll do lunch!
My name is Lance
And I’m a Californian

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 8:11 pm

LOL Waverly...

I need to do a Newark one...but my brain needs a rest.

Thought I'd post these lyrics to a favorite song for you:

"California Uber Alles" by the Dead Kennedy's

I am Governor Jerry Brown
My aura smiles
And never frowns
Soon I will be president

Carter power will soon go away
I will be Fuhrer one day
I will command all of you
Your kids will meditate in school

California Uber Alles
Uber Alles California

Zen fascists will control you
100% natural
You will jog for the master race
And always wear the happy face

Close your eyes, can't happen here
Big Bro' on white horse is near
The hippies won't come back you say
Mellow out or you will pay

California Uber Alles
Uber Alles California

Now it is 1984
Knock knock at your front door
It's the suede/denim secret police
They have come for your uncool neice

Come quietly to the camp
You'd look nice as a drawstring lamp
Don't you worry, it's only a shower
For your clothes here's a pretty flower

Die on organic poison gas
Serpent's egg's already hatched
You will crack, you little clown
When you mess with President Brown

California Uber Alles
Uber Alles California

Weasel · Post by **Weasel** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 8:52 pm

Originally posted by The Z
Yep. If you ran down the street yelling "Heil Hitler" in Alabama...chances are...you wouldn't be running much longer....

First thought..."Hilter is in Alabama, not South America!!"

pause for delay...

Second thought.."Cledus get the double barrel and the triple owut!!"

pause for further delay..

Third thought.."Cledus don't shoot Aunt Beatis this time!"

VoodooDali · Post by **VoodooDali** » Fri Apr 04, 2003 10:09 pm

I AM WEASEL

Howdy...
I am not small and furry with long claws,
Although I'd be turned on if you were.
I'm SYM's motivational speaker and I live in a van down by the river.
I think that Buckwheat is GOD.

I like to amuse myself with duct tape,
and grow my hair long and luxurious like Cher,
only to shave it all off and start over again.
I like to give *hugs*, esp. group *hugs*,
and I am shamelessly worshipped by young SYMian males,
probably for the way I look in my Golden Speedos.

I think I will try on my bra again,
and admire myself in the mirror,
while thinking about all the fine uses
to which a goat can be put,
or my next plan for world domination.

Weasel is the most evil tyrant on earth,
who secretly wishes he was a DF.
My name is Weasel...er..SlyWeasel...er...Sleazel...er...Mr.Waesel?...no... Waverly!