Do you do it like a Man, or do it like a Woman ?

KidD01 · Post by **KidD01** » Fri Jul 18, 2003 5:39 pm

Shower anyone ?

Post this real long time ago. I repost it anyway incase the thread got purged

How To Shower Like A Woman

1. Take off clothing and place in laundry hamper compartments according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain about how fat you're getting.
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey vitamin shampoo.
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey vitamin shampoo.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
9. Wash rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it all comes off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you feel a pulse of cold water and momentarily lose water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16. Check entire body for any signs of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed skin and rush to bedroom to spend an hour getting dressed.

How To Shower Like A Man

1. Take off clothes and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, flash her making the "woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no).
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (you don't use one)
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Laugh at how loud it sounds to pass gas in the shower.
9. Wash your privates and leave hair on the soap bar.
10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
11. Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)
12. Make a shampoo mohawk.
13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
14. Pee (in the shower)
15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain out of the tub the entire time.
16. Partially dry off.
17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
19. Leave bathroom and fan light on.
20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel and go "Yeah baby".
21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

Kittenwithawhip · Post by **Kittenwithawhip** » Fri Jul 18, 2003 6:47 pm

They can make a car that has power windows, talks to you, annoys the hell out of you to buckle up, and screams bloody murder when you walk within ten feet of it, ....they can make one to change it's own oil.

You stole my uncle's car

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Fri Jul 18, 2003 7:01 pm

Originally posted by Kittenwithawhip
You stole my uncle's car

highly possible

*puts in call to McBane*

Craig · Post by **Craig** » Fri Jul 18, 2003 7:03 pm

I'd change the title, I thought it said, and sorry if this offends,
"Do you like men, or do you like women."

It is late, but I/it may case unnessessary confusion.

Zelgadis · Post by **Zelgadis** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 11:55 am

Alternative Oil Change Directions for a Woman:

1. Drive until something breaks.
2. Ask husband to fix it.
3. Nag
4. Nag
5. Nag
6. Husband begins steps 1-17. Nag throughout, cry when husband asks you to leave him along.
7. Console yourself with a cheesecake.
8. Make husband sleep on couch for making you cry.
9. Nag husband about finishing the car, then nag him about going to church.
10. Husband completes steps 18-49.
11. Cry when husband calls, asking for bail.
12. Make husband sleep on couch again. Cry when he breaks the couch.
13. In the morning, nag the husband about getting a new couch.
14. Nag the husband about getting the car from the impound lot.

Money Spent:
Getting car fixed: $4615.00
New Couch: $900
Cheesecake: $50
Total: $5565

Kittenwithawhip · Post by **Kittenwithawhip** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:04 pm

rotfl

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:14 pm

Nice one Zel

Kittenwithawhip · Post by **Kittenwithawhip** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:17 pm

and in answer to this question ............. I do it however gets the job done best .............. wanna practice with me BS ?

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:18 pm

Originally posted by Kittenwithawhip
and in answer to this question ............. I do it however gets the job done best .............. wanna practice with me BS ?

only if the hours are long

Kittenwithawhip · Post by **Kittenwithawhip** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:22 pm

Umhum *nods* the hours are long and the practicing could get exhausting but it will be worth it

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:23 pm

well, work me in at your earliest convenience

Kittenwithawhip · Post by **Kittenwithawhip** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:25 pm

well ................ how bout right now *grins*

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:27 pm

Checks calender....I'm free

Kittenwithawhip · Post by **Kittenwithawhip** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:28 pm

LOL glad to hear you could fit me into your busy schedule

Bloodstalker · Post by **Bloodstalker** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:30 pm

Er..yeah, busy, that's it

Kittenwithawhip · Post by **Kittenwithawhip** » Sun Jul 20, 2003 12:32 pm

Uhhuh , or sumptin right *grins*

Grendel · Post by **Grendel** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 1:53 pm

Playing golf

For a woman

1. Buy coordinated, tasteful golf outfit
2. Buy box of colored balls
3. Use small golf bag and 5 clubs (all super flexible shafts)
4. Get golf cart, load up with bottled water
5. Take practice swing, remove large divot
6. Replace divot, carefully sand and seed
7. Take real swing, remove divot, send ball 100 yds up middle of fairway
8. Drive golf cart carefully
9. Repeat 5-7 until reach green
10. Take drink of water
11. Take out putter, use twice
12. Tell friends how well you played

For a man

1. Pick out least dirty Hawaiian shirt
2. Buy large box of most expensive balls
3. Use huge golf bag, take all 14 clubs allowed, all with super stiff, pro-only shafts
4. Get golf cart, load up cooler with beer
5. Do extensive warm-up exercises, complain of a recent injury
6. Take vicious practice swing, scare ball
7. Take real swing and hit ball as hard as possible
8. Ask where ball went
9. Hit a second tee shot because first ball lost
10. Remove large divot, stamp down bit of recovered grass and cuss
11. Drive cart recklessly into woods to find second ball
12. Drink a beer
13. Repeat 6, 7, 8 and 12 as needed until green is reached
14. Remind everyone of recent injury
15. Take out putter, use three times
16. Cuss
17. Decide a new club is required, buy more balls
18. Lie about how well you played, repeat 14

Scayde · Post by **Scayde** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 5:17 pm

LOL...You forgot the part about wrapping the expensive club around the tree and tossing the whole damn bag in the water hazard

Grendel · Post by **Grendel** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 6:13 pm

Originally posted by Scayde
LOL...You forgot the part about wrapping the expensive club around the tree and tossing the whole damn bag in the water hazard

..well, I didn't want to stereotype women...

Scayde · Post by **Scayde** » Mon Jul 21, 2003 6:15 pm

Originally posted by Grendel
..well, I didn't want to stereotype women...

*snicker*..........How kind