Things a Morrowind NPC would never actually say

lifeishell91 · Post by **lifeishell91** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 8:58 am

A Guard: Hi! My name is imperial guard, I am an imperial guard, you would never have geussed would you fella?

techoluvr · Post by **techoluvr** » Mon Oct 18, 2004 3:43 pm

Hey, stop trying to goad me into a fight. Its not like i would win. All you want is my items, and i cant do anything about it either.

Maeglor · Post by **Maeglor** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 10:39 pm

robotic admiration responses

I particularly love the way admiration can ovveride any situation in the game, be the NPC a god who hates you, peasant you just stole from, or...

"um, can I help you?"
(zzt - ultimate compliment attack)
"I hadn't noticed, thanks. Wait, what did I just say?"
(zzt - compliment combo uppercut)
"That's very sweet, thank you. Ok Mr. I don't know how you got in here, but.."
(zzt - lightning admiration sweep)
"I haven't heard that in such a long time. That does it, creepy guy! I don't care how you're doing that.. Just what gives you the right to.."
(zzt - telvanni bug infused finishing compliment)
"I feel the same way. It's been some time now for me too. *blush* Oh my god, what did I just say? Who ARE you?"

Opalescence · Post by **Opalescence** » Sun Oct 24, 2004 11:35 pm

Vivec (slight spoilers! sort of): "Yo! Mr. I-Kill-Ordinators-Left-and-Right! You wouldn't mind finding a couple of lost items for me, yah?"
PC: "But I came to talk about ..."
Vivec: "I knew you'd be reasonable. Now you see, we lost the two most powerful weapons in our possession because Sotha Sil and I got drunk and decided to pour ten gallons of Sujamma down Alemexia's throat. After which she got kinda tipsy and went over to Dagoth's place and handed 'em over. Stayed the night too. Wonder what that was all about."
PC: "Erm, that's great but ..."
Vivec: "So you'll get 'em back? That's wonderful! I knew I could count on you!"
PC: "Hey now I didn't say anothing about ..."
Vivec: "Sorry, can't talk now, Sotha and I are gonna go to a Moon Sugar party! Wanna join?"

radicalrude · Post by **radicalrude** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 4:21 am

merchants

Any Merchant (without mods):
Wanna sell this nice glass axe?
Just wait around for a week for me to collect the cash....

Rookierookie · Post by **Rookierookie** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 5:26 am

And Muddy?

Dark Master · Post by **Dark Master** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 10:34 am

I would greet you as Outlander, but in this age of political correctness I might get sued.

moltovir · Post by **moltovir** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 11:28 am

Almalexia: "Praise Lord Nerevar Reborn, the greatest of all heroes of the third era, the most skilled warrior of all times! Now, would you mind using your divine powers to teleport yourself trough time and space to the Great Bazaar and buy me half a pound of cheese, one bread, a chorizo sausage and a bottle of fresh milk, oh Nerevarine?"

Greg. · Post by **Greg.** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 1:53 pm

NPC: no, seriously, i enjoy walking from one end of town to the other. It gives purpose to my simple life.

Citizen of Peliagad: When I first came here, all I heard was good - modern facilities, Legion garrison. But there's not even a silt strider. Sheesh, looks like its back to Seyda Neen.

Any Nord in any town: No, I'm sick of telling people this. Not all Nords are idiots who roam around in the countryside nearly naked because a witch stole their clothes and their prized family axes. I myself have just finished reading all the 36 sermons of Vivec - most enjoyable. And I don't even have an axe!

Tower_Master · Post by **Tower_Master** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 4:26 pm

Any NPC: "No, seriously, waltz right in to my home, I don't mind, I swear! I mean, what harm could a complete stranger in full armor ever be? Of course you can stand there as long as you want!"

fable · Post by **fable** » Fri Nov 12, 2004 4:35 pm

Guard in Pelagiad:

"Yes, I know I look like the guard down the road, and he looks like the guard on the docks at Seyda Neen, and we all three look like the guards you'll find in the fort down the road. It's called inbreeding. Now shove off."

radicalrude · Post by **radicalrude** » Wed Dec 29, 2004 5:26 am

Ogrim Titan

Ogrim Titan: Yes, I admit, It was me who ate all the children.....But please do not put this ridiculously big sword in me or i'll call all the cliff racers to my aid

lifeishell91 · Post by **lifeishell91** » Wed Dec 29, 2004 7:17 am

[QUOTE=fable]Guard in Pelagiad:

"Yes, I know I look like the guard down the road, and he looks like the guard on the docks at Seyda Neen, and we all three look like the guards you'll find in the fort down the road. It's called inbreeding. Now shove off."[/QUOTE]

HAHAHA!! ROTFLMAO!! HEHEHEHE!! HAHAHA!!

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Wed Dec 29, 2004 12:02 pm

Any NPC on the Dren Plantation:
"Aw Dude, let's order a pizza from the Half Way... I got the worst case of the munchies.....Totally
gnarly man!"

dairy · Post by **dairy** » Wed Dec 29, 2004 10:46 pm

Any female to the player's male character:

"Hey there shtud, I've had a coupla flinsh an' yer lookin' kina good. You feelin' lucky?"

lifeishell91 · Post by **lifeishell91** » Thu Dec 30, 2004 8:31 am

Any Storm Atronach, that walks into a disco:

"Yeah let's party..oh, mind the floating rocks around my body, oops, that was so not me, WHOOPS, sorry, that was actually me, um...yeah sure, I'll leave...

"

Tower_Master · Post by **Tower_Master** » Thu Dec 30, 2004 7:36 pm

Dagoth Ur: "Yes yes yes, I know, I know, you're here to fight me to the death, bla bla bla...just give me five minutes, I think I'm just about to get to the end of Chapter Nine in Dungeon Siege..."

giles337 · Post by **giles337** » Fri Dec 31, 2004 6:25 am

Note: Minor Spoiler

Hircine the hunter:

Which aspect shall you fight me in? Speed, Strength, Guile, or.... Cuddles
*morphs into giant pink teddy bear*

Any Female NPC:

Help me adventurer! An imperial guard asked me to marry him last night but they all look the same. Ask every single one of them until you find out which it was. And you'd better pray you're not in the imperial legion either, or you'll have to lug around an extra cuirass to make the talk to you

See you later!

techoluvr · Post by **techoluvr** » Fri Dec 31, 2004 4:46 pm

add to giles

Female: Are you my husband. Are you my husband. Etc,Etc.

Guard 1: Yes

Guard 2: Yes

Guard 3: Yes

Etc Etc so on and so forth

Count Zero · Post by **Count Zero** » Tue Jan 04, 2005 6:13 am

NPC: "Ah yes a good pint after a hard days work....What! you want to learn about axes!!! what now!! can't it wait? oh well!