Age difference in a relationship.

slade · Post by **slade** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 6:51 pm

[QUOTE=Magrus]When I was 16 I knew exactly what I wanted. It just changed quite often. :laugh:[/QUOTE]
:laugh:

thanks for that

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 7:54 pm

@Slade,
I just reread my post and realised I sounded more than a tad snarky. Sorry about that, I didn't mean to unload on you.

slade · Post by **slade** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 8:12 pm

[QUOTE=dragon wench]@Slade,
I just reread my post and realised I sounded more than a tad snarky. Sorry about that, I didn't mean to unload on you.[/QUOTE]
No need to apologize

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 5:26 am

Patronizing? Demeaning? Condescending?

Where did that come from? Those are words that don’t describe my intentions at all. I don’t look down upon her and I certainly don’t mean to. Perhaps I’m expressing myself incorrectly, but I definitely don’t see her as a lesser person because she’s sixteen. I’m not making decisions for her: she’s smart and wise enough herself, as I already mentioned in my first post. It’s just that she has made her intentions clear -- she made her decision, while I haven’t, and therefore the ball is in my court. If I don’t react, well, that’s obviously my loss. She’ll move on, like anyone would, and I will more than likely be left with a feeling of regret.

I came here with one question: how do people regard an age difference of six years in a relationship at the age I’m at now. I got some helpful advice on that, and I’m glad to see there’s a general consensus telling me I shouldn’t worry too much and just go for it. I was uncertain about the current situation, yes, that’s why I came knocking on SYM’s door for advice. It’s just, if I don’t come to a conclusion soon enough, and let the flirting continue, then I’m bound to hurt someone’s feelings.

Yes, it’s true those feelings could very well be my own and it’s true a quick decisions will protect my own feelings, too.

Phreddie · Post by **Phreddie** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 5:29 am

Dont make a quick decision to make yourself feel better now, take into account how you will feel further down the road.

But I mena hey, go for it, but dont get too attached until you know youve got a great thing going.

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 5:51 am

[QUOTE=Phreddie]Dont make a quick decision to make yourself feel better now, take into account how you will feel further down the road.

But I mena hey, go for it, but dont get too attached until you know youve got a great thing going.[/QUOTE]

The decission doesn't concern questions as 'do I like her?', 'does she like me?', 'do I want to be with her?', or 'where will be weeks from now?'
No, the only decission I'm making now is: 'Is six years too much?'

Right now, I'd rather not speculate or think any further than that.

Luis Antonio · Post by **Luis Antonio** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 5:57 am

Sytze, my Cristal ball says: NO, ITS NOT TOO YOUNG.

Period.

Go, have fun.

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 6:00 am

You have wise crystal ball. Can I borrow it for a while? I have exams coming up

Luis Antonio · Post by **Luis Antonio** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 6:05 am

[QUOTE=Sytze]You have wise crystal ball. Can I borrow it for a while? I have exams coming up

[/QUOTE]

Sure! *hands the orb to Sytze*

The orb is not very wise for maths, though.

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 5:38 pm

[QUOTE=Sytze]Patronizing? Demeaning? Condescending?

Where did that come from? Those are words that don’t describe my intentions at all.[/QUOTE]
You made the mistake of starting a discussion and then letting it get out of control by not reigning us in.

I admit I got carried away. Sorry about that. I was just a little frustrated because you seem so afraid to act. If you're afraid of what other people will think of the difference in age, that's okay. (You wouldn't have asked for our opinion if other people's opinions didn't matter to you.) I just think you're hesitating for the wrong reasons.

[QUOTE=Sytze]I came here with one question: how do people regard an age difference of six years in a relationship at the age I’m at now...[/QUOTE]
Well, you have to admit you brought up a lot of other issues. Next time you want a simple answer to a simple question, start a poll.

However, if you only asked about the age difference, you'd still have the problem of wondering how you should act. Do you want my answer to that question? If you put up a poll, be sure to include the answer, "You should flirt, explore, and have fun. You don't need to make any decision right now. And depending on how things work out, you might not have to make any decision at all."

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 6:29 pm

[QUOTE=VonDondu]Well, you have to admit you brought up a lot of other issues. Next time you want a simple answer to a simple question, start a poll.

[/QUOTE]
That was my too late and obviously futile attempt to reign you all in.

[QUOTE=VonDondu]However, if you only asked about the age difference, you'd still have the problem of wondering how you should act. Do you want my answer to that question?[/QUOTE]
Not really, self-discovery has its flavour, too.

I thank you for your advice and help, though. Right now I'm floating on a boat in the river, I've thrown the paddles away, and I'm waiting to see where the current is taking me, is taking us, to.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 6:46 pm

My apologies Sytze, if I sounded snarky or harsh.
I was in a frame where I should not really have been posting.

I sincerely hope everything goes well for you.

Maharlika · Post by **Maharlika** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 7:05 pm

@Sytze: Question is, what kind of relationship are you looking for?

We could talk about generalizations and I would say that 16 year olds are NORMALLY not that high on the maturity scale when it comes to handling certain types of relationships. However, as both couples get older, the age difference wouldn't be that felt at all.

The way I see it, focus on her present personality and not her age. I know some thirty year olds who are even worse than some of my 16 year old students.

fable · Post by **fable** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 7:19 pm

[QUOTE=Sytze]That was my too late and obviously futile attempt to reign you all in.

[/quote]

I've been very quiet, after correcting Phreddie about the law. It's my new role as Benign Purveyor of Tandoor Chicken. That's why I'm carrying around a shiny, crooked scepter. It's actually a solid-gold chicken leg.

I thank you for your advice and help, though. Right now I'm floating on a boat in the river, I've thrown the paddles away, and I'm waiting to see where the current is taking me, is taking us, to.

Hey, good luck with that! I figure that if you didn't try anything, and you were like me, you might wonder at various times in life what would have happened. Trying things out--as worst, you'll fall on your ass, and have to pick yourself up, again. At best, who knows?

Phreddie · Post by **Phreddie** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 8:05 pm

Sytze, let me put it too you this way, love(/infatuation) has a way of outshining a few of certain peoples lesser qualities, your talking about dating some one my age, at my high school I am friends with people from all over the spectrum of background, inteligence, maturity, race, etc. and Ive found that while most present a mature adult look to adults, act like mere children when not trying to impress their elders, Im not saying that she is like that, Im just saying you might not be seeing the whole picture. On the other hand I know people who are extremely smart and mature, who have nothing to do with anything remotely considered strange, nonsensible, or 'fun', most serious teenagers are those who have no life, and are focusing themselves fullying into their future, to maek their parents proud.

What Im saying is proceed, with caution.

VonDondu · Post by **VonDondu** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 10:09 pm

Here's how I see it. If you're interested in someone but you're not sure she likes you (in the same way), you should proceed with caution. In my opinion, that's one of the only good reasons for hesitating and being cautious when it comes to love. But if you know the other person likes you (and you like her), then nothing but your own fear of the unknown future will stop you.

Brynn · Post by **Brynn** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:10 am

[QUOTE=VonDondu]Ahem. Did you read what I said about my current relationship in the disclaimer I wrote in a previous message? Do you have a problem with it?

[/QUOTE]
Ofc not, if you enjoyed it and still think it was OK by that time (it's already over, I take it?)

Once I had a bf 4 years younger than me. Worst of my nightmares, tbh, I can clearly see the downsides of it (now

), so if it was the case with Sytze I could have added some points to consider.

With that said, such relationship could of course work pretty well as your example presents, so I didn't mean to comment on your experience at all. (I can say that honestly, since I hadn't even read it til you called my attention to it

Sorry about that).

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:38 pm

@DW: no worries about that.

@Mah, fable, Phreddie, Von and the others who answered (frequently): thanks for the support and well-wishes. I could quote from each of you a sentence of wisdom that has helped me to decide, but I’d rather not repeat, nor stick feathers up your asses.

Regardless, I really appreciate the help and advice. Many thanks! I might keep you all updated.

Magrus · Post by **Magrus** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:40 pm

[QUOTE=Sytze]@DW: no worries about that.

@Mah, fable, Phreddie, Von and the others who answered (frequently): thanks for the support and well-wishes. I could quote from each of you a sentence of wisdom that has helped me to decide, but I’d rather not repeat, nor stick feathers up your asses.

Regardless, I really appreciate the help and advice, many thanks! I might keep you all updated.[/QUOTE]

Hey, I was expecting feathers out of this deal. I want my money back.

Sytze · Post by **Sytze** » Fri Jan 13, 2006 4:59 pm

[QUOTE=Magrus]Hey, I was expecting feathers out of this deal. I want my money back.

[/QUOTE]
I expected as much. Secretly that message was meant just for you. The rest earned them