Things a Morrowind NPC would never actually say

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat Jul 15, 2006 4:44 pm

NPC: You shouldn't be here. You're at work, and this is a game. I'm sending an email to your boss, right now.

Black Elf · Post by **Black Elf** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 3:14 am

Dagoth Ur minion: "Damn the ghostfence! We will never made it out!"
Winged Twillight: "Your so right! Why even bother flying up and see if it ends after 10 meters?

Black Elf · Post by **Black Elf** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:15 am

[QUOTE=Black Elf]Dagoth Ur minion: "Damn the ghostfence! We will never made it out!"
Winged Twillight: "Your so right! Why even bother flying up and see if it ends after 10 meters?[/QUOTE]

Dagoth Ur minion: " Come on! Let's go to ghostgatte and get a passport and a visa instead."
Winged Twillight: "Ohhh, you are so smart!!!"

fable · Post by **fable** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 7:00 am

LORD VIVEC: I am Vivec, Lord Vivec. (pause) V-I-V-E-C. (longer pause) L-O-R-D.

NPC: Right, I'll have you package out for you in a moment, sir.

Magelord648 · Post by **Magelord648** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 10:12 am

NPC you haven't talked to before.: Hello. Lets be friends. (They all seem to hate you the first time you meet.)

Black Elf · Post by **Black Elf** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 1:22 am

Small Slaughterfish: "Dad, why are we called slaughterfish?
Old Slaughterfish: "Well, it's because..."
Small Slaughterfish : "Because we are big, strong, have sharp theeth and will slay everyone?"
Old Slaughterfish: "I'm sorry to destroy your dreams, but it's because we are the right fish to slaughter."

Raven_Song · Post by **Raven_Song** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 2:36 am

Ajira: No, Ajira will not give you duties, until the Mages Guild reviews its biased advancement policies. Ajira has been here for years working hard as Apprentice, doing chores, studying hard and writing reports. And for what to be passed over in favour of someone whose credentials will be based upon picking the local fauna and purchaing bowls. My sugar is NOT yours.

Damn Snakes! · Post by **Damn Snakes!** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 8:23 am

Azura: "Ok, you beat the big bad demi-god himself... here's a ring that is so cheezy that you wouldn't ever bother to enchant one like it yourself..."

TheHero · Post by **TheHero** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 12:00 am

An NPC that stays in towns: Cliff racer? What the hecks a cliff racer?

Any Imperial Legion guard: Yes, we are all clones based off of Jango Fe- I mean a really strong guy.

Tin_Man · Post by **Tin_Man** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 7:01 pm

A merchant: I was giong to ask if you wanted paper or plastic...

NPC: my inability to go to the bathroom is only one of my problems.

NPC 1: I got it! We attack this strange looking man in shiny armor with a sword the size of him
NPC 2: Why?
NPC 1: So instead of standing here in the middle of nowhere, we can lay here in the middle of nowere.
Player: *dispose of corpse*

NPC in store: What do you mean I cant afford that?
Merchant: Well do you have any money at home?
NPC: Yes *bumps into door, shakes head, and trys again*

Diseased rat: Come closer so I can bite you... I have candy.

fable · Post by **fable** » Sat Jul 22, 2006 12:06 pm

[QUOTE=Tin_Man]Diseased rat: Come closer so I can bite you... I have candy.[/QUOTE]

LOL!

NPC: Fetcher! (Whistles twice) Here, fetcher. Here, boy! (Throws a scroll across the room. Fetch!

Berethor · Post by **Berethor** » Sat Jul 22, 2006 1:20 pm

[QUOTE=Tin_Man]Diseased rat: Come closer so I can bite you... I have candy.[/QUOTE]

LMFAO!!

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NPC: Outlander!...Do you want to be friends? I'm tired of being rude and obnoxious.

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Cliff Racer 1: Shhh...stop your annoying squaking! He'll hear us, and then we wont be able to peck the back of his neck!

Cliff Racer 2: Sorry bro, mom always said I have a big beak.

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Urshilaku Camp Khan: What you need to do to prove that you are the Neravarine is go prancing in a field of flowers until you find the magical unicorn and have a tea party with furry woodland creatures.

Player: Are you sure that's what I need to do? I mean, I don't have to go and do a pointless quest to collect stupid artifacts from stupid ruins and find a crappy ring from a hard-to-find cave?

Camp Khan: I'm reading from this prophecy book, I swear. I would never make you do a pointless artifact collecting quest OR a quest to find a piece of crap ring.

Player: Phew, that's a relief. I LOOOVE furry woodland creatures.

dragon wench · Post by **dragon wench** » Sat Jul 22, 2006 4:00 pm

Innkeeper: *wrinkles nose* Ugh... Did you have to tramp in here after just hiking through all those Bittercoast swamps.

PC: I can't help it, the slaughterfish almost killed me when I tried to clean off in the lake.

Inkeeper: Well, we have the complete Vivec's Sermons in your room, you may use them to cleanse to both and soul.

On an off note, seems like most of the reading material in inns is religious in nature, reminds me of real life hotel rooms

Tin_Man · Post by **Tin_Man** » Sat Jul 22, 2006 4:40 pm

Commoner: Come on, attack me so I can go all Bruce Lee on you!

NPC: *in childish voice* I like to play with dead things

Swimming Bird · Post by **Swimming Bird** » Sat Jul 22, 2006 8:00 pm

All the inhabitants of Vvardenfell simultaneously:

"Why can't we be friends, Why can't we be friends"

Dagoth Ur solo:

"Why can't we all just get along!"

Berethor · Post by **Berethor** » Sun Jul 23, 2006 12:46 pm

Any storekeep: "You just bought my entire inventory! Do you want fries with that?"

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Dagoth Ur: "Nerevar? Nerevar is that you? Oh Nerevar, it's wonderful to see you again! We have sooooooo much to catch up on! Come, I'll make us some tea and we'll share silly stories!"

Player: "No tea please, do you have Skooma?"

Dagoth Ur: "Oooh, I promised Vivec we would drink that next weekend..."

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Azura: "So..did you beat the demi-god freak?"

Player: "Well..sorta..he kinda jumped into the lava chasing me."

Azura: "Well, since you didn't beat him yourself, you get the consolation prize!"

Player: "What's that, a lame ring?"

Azura: "Noooo...it's a full set of Daedric Armor!"

Player: "Sweet, dude..."

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Talking Mudcrab Merchant: "Shay! You wanna shteal from me? Don't make me call the Godfather on you...Hish mouthpartsh are twiche ash long!"

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Daedroth: "We are family! Even if you're fatter than me!"

Ogrim: "Moooommm, he called me fat again *cries*!"

Golden Saint: "There, there, don't cry. You're just big boned. Why do you keep calling him names, Daedroth?

Daedroth: "Maybe I wouldn't if he got lipo instead of a stupid nipple ring!'

Greg. · Post by **Greg.** » Sun Jul 23, 2006 3:37 pm

NPC: By the Nine Divines! Someone went and welded my leather underpants to my sensitive bits!

Coot · Post by **Coot** » Mon Jul 24, 2006 1:40 am

Divayth Fyr to all members of Corprus Anonymous: "What if this... is as good as it gets?"

shana · Post by **shana** » Mon Jul 24, 2006 10:13 am

Dreamers to Dagoth Ur, "Don't waste, your time, on me. You're al-ready the voice inside my head."

fable · Post by **fable** » Mon Jul 24, 2006 10:42 am

Commoner: Oooo, I do like that look, Outlander, tres trashy with just a hint of elegance in the Daedric twohander! We just must do lunch, and you'll tell me all about it!