Why Japanese RPGs Suck
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Why do all these monsters carry around gold pieces?
The only time it's appropriate to find 12 gold coins and a potion after a battle is when you've just defeated a group of potion-sellers. But does that ever happen? No, but take down a pack of wolves or an alligator and you're bound to find leather armor, a gem of fire magic and enough gold to start a college savings fund for the little alligator orphans you've just created. The obvious question is: what were the animals going to spend that money on? When you figure that out, ask yourself: where were they hiding those 12 gold coins?
Though this one's definitely JRPG-specific:
I'm teaming up with a what?
JRPGs will force you to team up with an animal, a stuffed animal or an anthropomorphic household appliance at some point. Even when things are as dire and bleak as they can possibly be: you're the last hope for the world, overpowering malevolent forces are climbing the blood-drenched steps to the last haven for good and the list of dead heroes is longer than the list of people still willing to fight. Even in those moments, JRPGs still can't resist tossing in a seven-foot-tall talking marshmallow with a cat on its head or something. Getting the "don't dishonor the dead by making their sacrifice be for nothing" speech from an oversized, delicious looking breakfast pastry tends to put a damper on my willingness to buy into the "serious" stuff going on.
