Mass Effect Review
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It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that the story is the same old BioWare epic that we've grown used to ever since we played Baldur's Gate 2 and was perfected (read as: dumbed down) with Knights of the Old Republic. If you are surprised, then here's two more surprises I have to spoil for you: werewolves don't exist and people get hungry when they don't eat! Consider yourself surprised.
I'm not complaining, though, because this way I know exactly what I get every time I buy a BioWare game. Same old story, same old chosen one, same old villain, same old companions. In different clothing, yes, but come on, man. Get fucking real. Hey, did ya miss me, you grizzled old mercenary guy who is now some kind of lizard camel man? Of course, you did. And you even have a couple new stories for me. How wonderful.
Mass Effect is also one of the shortest games I've played. If you ignore the many pointless side quests, I suspect that it's possible to beat the game in ten to twelve hours or less if you also listen to every painstakingly voiced piece of dialog. There are only about four-five locations in the game that you have to visit, and the rest are planets intended for side quests. Because the game is so short, the game constantly feels like it moves too fast. And while I like to think of myself as quite the Jack-off in the fast lane, I prefer slower pacing and a longer experience. Mass Effect wastes next to no time at all when it comes to laying all the cards on the table right at the very beginning. The villains and their motivations are explained way before you even get the official assignment, and while it really isn't anything to bitch about, it just feels like someone at BioWare said (Fuck it, by now the fans should know the score already. Let them know what they're up against right at the beginning. Don't waste their time.) I for one was disappointed to learn that the strangeness I was sent out into space to go up against wasn't all that strange after all. Heck, the plot twist is revealed before you even become a Spectre.
